My sister in law gave me picture once that had the saying "To have a child is to forever have a piece of your heart walking outside your body." Oh, that is so true! When your child hurts, you hurt. When their friendships seem to only be surviving on a thread, you hurt. Teen age friendships are fickle things. Especially among girls. It's hard to explain seasonal friendships to teen girls. That is definintley a concept that becomes more clear with age.
I myself am just as guilty. As a teen girl, I didn't really have any good girl friends. My cousin moved to town when I was 13. She was everything I wanted to be. Blonde, thin, popular with boys. We were 3 months apart and had always been encouraged to be "Besties". Yeah, right. She LOATHED me. She pretended to like me....I tried to like her. Oh, we loved eachother, we just didn't always like eachother. As we got older, I realized that being blonde wasn't all I thought it appeared to be. I was thinner and taller than her. And I had my own boyfriends....that she subsequently stole. My grandma fostered a competitiveness between us. What I had, she had to have better....and I had to know it was better.
As we continued to get older, we continued in our "friendship". Eventually, we each had one other good friend. Mine was Michelle. We did everything together. Until Strawberry Milk Boy. (remember him?) And then I basically dumped her. I have no idea what I was thinking. She was so hurt. And I, believe it or not, have spent YEARS trying to find her. No luck. Something just shut off in my brain. It's like all of a sudden SMB became my all in all. And even when he dumped me, I still didn't rekindle the friendship. She was my Best Friend. The kind that is rare in teenage hood. The kind that could've survived anything....but my own sabatoge.
My cousin and I grew up together and even into adult hood kept our relationship going. I didn't always agree with the way she lived and she always thought I was a "goody goody". We each had our respective families, lived our respective lives and got together for holidays. About 10 years ago, our relationship really ended, from things I am not yet ready to share. About 4 years ago she passed away. I am saddened because she will never know that regardless of everything, I loved her.
As I watch our daughters muddle through, my heart breaks. Friendships of years have slowly and painfully dissolved, some friendships have never gotten off the ground and some have been broken so quickly and harshly you're not quite sure what happened. I try to be encouraging, to be positive. I try so desperatly to impart to them that this is such a small segment of their lives.I tell them about Michelle and my stupidness. And I tell them that I was lonely during High School, that I never had a really good friend until I was 20, and that was only ONE friend. I didn't make my next "Bestie" until I was in my 30's and the baby was 2. Now, I have all sorts of friends. Friends that love me knowing who I have been, friends that I go to lunch with and friends that I can just pick up with. Some are seasonal, and it does hurt when the season is over, but I just lift it up to God and He puts me back together. In the young teen years, there is so much growing to be done, so much selfishness and frustration with the way someone behaves. They are doing so much introspecctive research that it's hard to truly focus on someone else. I remind them that right now is NOT forever and the friend they love still loves them. But just like our daughters, the friends are on the other side of the moon. God is bigger than this, bigger than their hormones and bigger than the awkwardness. I will just continue to love them, continue to hug them and continue to hit my knees on their behalf.
I will also cry when they hurt.....I don't think that will ever change.
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