One week. One week until I am in my "happy" place. I love Disneyland. I think it's because I can run around like a child and no one makes fun of me because they're all doing it too! I love the carefree environment, the way the workers always smile and say "Hi" and I LOVE the people in costumes. I can hug a princess, dance with a pirate and even talk to Peter Pan. I can forget everything that is going on in the "real" world.
Last night, I REALLY wanted to run away and never come back. I would've moved right in with those fairies or lived underground with the pirates. Being a parent is hard. Being the parent of a teen adult is harder. At what point do you let go and keep letting the tether out? When are you supposed to reel them back in? My heart aches when I see the children running headlong into danger. There is no Larry Boy to save them. I want to grab the tether and yank as hard as I can. I want to pull them back in time, to a more innocent age. Don't misunderstand, they haven't done anything super horrible....just enough to cause me to have nightmares.
In this specific situation, the internet plays the part of the villain. And low self esteem the villains evil assistant. When a person, who's age shall remain a mystery, disregards a fathers request, there is a problem. When that same person, who is OLD enough to know better, refers to us as "dumb*donkeys* and informs us that we could learn a thing or two from our teen adult...we have a problem. When said father informs the OLD enough to know better person to back it off, the OLD enough guy says he will but only(and I quote)"..because I don't want her to suffer your abuse". WHAT?
I am reminded that the internet is a catch all. It is good vs evil every day. And predators abound. We have had a run in with one. And my heart hurts because she felt so bad about herself that she was willing to take whatever anyone, including OLD enough to know better guy, would tell her. She feels less than. I remember that. The grasping whatever I could to feel like I was someone. It's scary to realize he was "grooming" her.
I feel like I've failed. Yet, in reality, there isn't much I could do. I've told her she's lovely, told her she's smart, reminded her she's MORE than and that truly she is a princess in her own right. She is daughter of the King. THE KING! She may not have Larry Boy to save her, but she does have the best safety net of all. It hurt when we went through "growing pains" with Hillary. It hurts going through it with this girl. I don't think it will stop. But I can take comfort knowing that He will carry me as I try to nurture her. More than that, He will carry her.
One week....then I'm out of here. I get the joy of watching these teens turn into little girls. I get the joy of seeing Harley's face light up when she meets Cinderella. And Savannah as she goes on Haunted Mansion. My heart is full.....and also giddy! :D
See you on the flip side!
