We've all had one. That moment you see an attractive person of the opposite sex. You glance at them, surprised they're looking at you. You hold their gaze. Then suddenly....your mind is going. And for a moment, you forget everything else but the fact that you are desirable to someone. But, um...HELLO! That person isn't your spouse. We all seek affirmation, desire attention and yearn for validation. And sometimes, when we think we're missing it, we're willing to allow those too long moments.
I believe it happens in every marriage. I don't think it's intentional, nor do I think every glance is inappropriate. I don't think every gaze leads to adultery. I do think that sometimes it leads to thinking about your own spouse. Perhaps even thinking about what it is you feel you've been missing. Or thinking about what you WISH your spouse would think/do/say.
At the very core, the very root, is dissatisfaction. An unmet expectation. There are a million things our spouses may do in a day/week/month/year to absolutely annoy us. In one of those moments, you can bet the enemy is going to try to shatter a brick in your/my marriage. We don't even know there's a fight yet. So we don't protect. Our defenses are down, we are caught unawares. And before you know....it's been a moment too long.
The thoughts you may entertain, but never expound on, are dangerous. More explosive are the ones you do act upon. A cup of coffee. Befriending on social networks. Texting.
Maybe even video chat. Sometimes, it's not even a person in person. It's someone online. You cultivate a relationship. Tell all your troubles and they commiserate. Before long, they are the missing piece to your angst. And you are sinking.
Since wearing the letter "A", I have had a few moments. Just glances, gazes. However, I shut it down. Because I've been there. My defenses go up, my bulwark is built and I SHUT MY MIND DOWN. Maybe Matty and I have had "that same old argument". Maybe he's said something I don't like. Whatever it is, I recognize that vulnerability. I see it, I own it and I embrace it. I search out my heart, PRAY and hold my thoughts captive. Everyone likes to be noticed. Everyone likes attention. Everyone likes to know that someone finds them attractive. That's where is has to stop.
We have to hold tight to our marriages. We must stand together against the enemy. We must be united. Next time you have a moment too long, I hope it's with your spouse.
My favorite is when we're across the room from eachother. I look at him, he looks at me and I know I belong. I am his.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Erin and the No Good, Very Bad May
It is what it sounds like. But we actually have to back up to the end of April.
We had a fabulous vacation to Disneyland. I went to IKEA with my parents 2 weeks after we got back. It was relaxing and blissful. Sigh.
I got home. That is when it all came down. Matt got fired. For being a nice guy. After 10 years. UGH!
I cried. I blogged. We survived....but barely. Come the following Friday, I burned my hand. Decided NOT to go to the doctor....I was having a party. Hand HURT. I went to doc at the urging of 2 friends ( you know who you are) and found out I had 2nd degree burns. OUCH. Did I mention that at this same time we were planning our oldest daughters wedding??!
Daughters wedding began coming together. On a zero budget! It can be done, people! It took a lot of people and their generous supplies/help/love. Anyways.....someone offered to pay for cake. Then, decided not to pay for cake. Okay. I can deal. Not so much, actually. I cried. EVERYTHING made me cry. I couldn't talk to anyone without crying. If anyone even asked how I was, I cried. My daughter said that every time she looked at me, I was crying.
Back to the cake: Someone else called and said not to worry, they had the cake covered. Guess what! They ended up not being able to do the cake thing either. A week and 1/2 before the wedding. Went to my moms, fought with her. Sat in my car and cried. For an hour. Talked to my friend while crying in the Starbucks parking lot. They were closed. Like I didn't have enough to deal with. (I may be off a smidge in the chain of events)Finally, the cake was taken care of. For real. And it was yummy....and ended up being a gift of love.
Found out Matt was denied unemployment because the state agreed with Wal-Mart. He was a BAD, BAD employee for helping someone on his lunch. They said his "work had fallen below the standard they expect". Cue the crying. Just when I had stopped. Eeeesh!
And before this becomes the "light at the end of the tunnel" blog, I have one more thing. The day before Hillary's wedding.....we found LICE in Harley's hair. HOORAY! I told her if she agreed to shave her head, I would shave mine. I just COULDN'T DEAL WITH ONE MORE THING! As you can see in the pictures, she opted not to go that route, much to my dismay. We washed and deloused her hair. And washed (treated) everyone else on the just in case mode. No one else had any buggies. (FYI: she is louse FREE) We stripped and bagged beds and animals. Bug sprayed brushes and combs. All the day of the wedding rehearsal. I kind of laughed, crazy like.
However, here is the light at the end of the tunnel part. Matt got a job. We had some money come in. AND! we survived. I graduated, Emily graduated and Hillary is married off. And so as I look back on my No Good, Very Bad May I realize:
Matt had all the time off he would need for that very busy month
I was able to dedicate time to my EOC so I could graduate (due to him being home and helping with girls)
We were able to spend time with our pregnant daughter and new son in law
He helped me with it all, because he was off
He put in Savannah's garden
We reconnected....had been feeling distant
We rethought our finances
Friends gave him odd jobs....brought in a little income
People prayed
I prayed
We relied (rely) on God.....it is all Him
I believe Matt will do well in his new job. He's a good man, and nice to people. We will see what God has in store. I know that he is more valuable than Wal-Mart ever recognized....and know he is too good for them. His ego took a hit, but his faith grew.
"Go, Fight, Win" words my friend says sometimes when we sign off....."I will if you will"....from a card a friend sent me (and I WOULD).....and numerous other words of encouragement came my way. I didn't always acknowledge them, but I always heard. Thanks friends, for sticking with me in my time of lunacy and crazy laughter. And incessant crying.
June is already better.....but I have a tip: Never put corn in hush puppie batter then deep fry them. The kernels become little BOMBS....ouch!
He has never left or forsaken me...I am His beloved. He knows my name.
We had a fabulous vacation to Disneyland. I went to IKEA with my parents 2 weeks after we got back. It was relaxing and blissful. Sigh.
I got home. That is when it all came down. Matt got fired. For being a nice guy. After 10 years. UGH!
I cried. I blogged. We survived....but barely. Come the following Friday, I burned my hand. Decided NOT to go to the doctor....I was having a party. Hand HURT. I went to doc at the urging of 2 friends ( you know who you are) and found out I had 2nd degree burns. OUCH. Did I mention that at this same time we were planning our oldest daughters wedding??!
Daughters wedding began coming together. On a zero budget! It can be done, people! It took a lot of people and their generous supplies/help/love. Anyways.....someone offered to pay for cake. Then, decided not to pay for cake. Okay. I can deal. Not so much, actually. I cried. EVERYTHING made me cry. I couldn't talk to anyone without crying. If anyone even asked how I was, I cried. My daughter said that every time she looked at me, I was crying.
Back to the cake: Someone else called and said not to worry, they had the cake covered. Guess what! They ended up not being able to do the cake thing either. A week and 1/2 before the wedding. Went to my moms, fought with her. Sat in my car and cried. For an hour. Talked to my friend while crying in the Starbucks parking lot. They were closed. Like I didn't have enough to deal with. (I may be off a smidge in the chain of events)Finally, the cake was taken care of. For real. And it was yummy....and ended up being a gift of love.
Found out Matt was denied unemployment because the state agreed with Wal-Mart. He was a BAD, BAD employee for helping someone on his lunch. They said his "work had fallen below the standard they expect". Cue the crying. Just when I had stopped. Eeeesh!
And before this becomes the "light at the end of the tunnel" blog, I have one more thing. The day before Hillary's wedding.....we found LICE in Harley's hair. HOORAY! I told her if she agreed to shave her head, I would shave mine. I just COULDN'T DEAL WITH ONE MORE THING! As you can see in the pictures, she opted not to go that route, much to my dismay. We washed and deloused her hair. And washed (treated) everyone else on the just in case mode. No one else had any buggies. (FYI: she is louse FREE) We stripped and bagged beds and animals. Bug sprayed brushes and combs. All the day of the wedding rehearsal. I kind of laughed, crazy like.
However, here is the light at the end of the tunnel part. Matt got a job. We had some money come in. AND! we survived. I graduated, Emily graduated and Hillary is married off. And so as I look back on my No Good, Very Bad May I realize:
Matt had all the time off he would need for that very busy month
I was able to dedicate time to my EOC so I could graduate (due to him being home and helping with girls)
We were able to spend time with our pregnant daughter and new son in law
He helped me with it all, because he was off
He put in Savannah's garden
We reconnected....had been feeling distant
We rethought our finances
Friends gave him odd jobs....brought in a little income
People prayed
I prayed
We relied (rely) on God.....it is all Him
I believe Matt will do well in his new job. He's a good man, and nice to people. We will see what God has in store. I know that he is more valuable than Wal-Mart ever recognized....and know he is too good for them. His ego took a hit, but his faith grew.
"Go, Fight, Win" words my friend says sometimes when we sign off....."I will if you will"....from a card a friend sent me (and I WOULD).....and numerous other words of encouragement came my way. I didn't always acknowledge them, but I always heard. Thanks friends, for sticking with me in my time of lunacy and crazy laughter. And incessant crying.
June is already better.....but I have a tip: Never put corn in hush puppie batter then deep fry them. The kernels become little BOMBS....ouch!
He has never left or forsaken me...I am His beloved. He knows my name.
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