Echoes

The house is quiet. Two girls sleep upstairs, 1 is in her space and the littlest is at school. I'm very contemplative this morning. As I sit and search my mind for the sweet memories of the summer, the house begins to echo.

The laughter of girls bounces off the walls, doors slam, heated voices from upstairs. The past is chatty today.

In my mind, I hear footsteps racing up and down stairs. I hear "MOM" yelled in a very loud tone. I hear arguing. I hear radios playing, sweet laughter and the sound of girls getting ready. I hear the dogs going crazy because the girls are playing. I hear Matt stomping up the stairs, the giggle of the hidden girls ringing loud. I hear coughing. There's crying over bad grades, bad days at school and broken hearts. There's laughter over painting windows, writing on walls and indoor water fights. There's loudness over shared dinners, friendly rivalry over games and quietness on family movie nights.
Someone's playing basketball, another is drawing and yet another is scurrying in the kitchen. There's whining over chores, complaining about teachers and fighting over clothing.

What a house...what stories the walls hold.

Our house is a small one, brimming with memories almost 10 years old. The walls are laden with pictures of moments. Each one tells a story, held tight in a frame.

Our girl flies away tomorrow. And while it certainly is a joyous event, cause she's married and all that, my heart is still sad. We're grasping at last moments, last hugs. I know it's only a few years....sometimes it seems like forever. But, really....it's not just this one daughter. We have 6....2 left to finish bringing up. The other 4 are adults, figuring out their lives. The time has zipped by. You hear that it goes by in a blink; you don't really believe it. Then one day, your youngest is 14 and you realize all you did was blink.

What a sweet time for Matty and I. Only a few short years and we begin something new. Our girls will begin to have families of their own (one already does!) and their moments will expand beyond this house. I envision having all 6 at the house with their families. What wonderful chaos! What a great God to bless us so!

As the echoes of moments flutter through the house and my heart, I am reminded that they are His. Only ever His. It is a joy to watch His plans unfold, painful when you know they aren't following Him the way He wants. Yet...they are HIS! He loves them more than I ever could.

Tomorrow comes quickly, soon to be yesterday. I'm going to enjoy today and all the moments it holds.


Keep your eyes up. His mercies are new every day.

Decades Don't Come Easy

This past week my oldest friend was here visiting. Not oldest as in age (HA) but oldest as in 2 1/2 decades of friendship under the bridge. That's a lot of friendship. Also, it was my birthday week! In those decades, we have only seen each other one other time.

She is my friend that I can call and we can pick up where we left off. She's the one that I may not talk to often, but I KNOW she's there. Her son is a month older than my oldest, her daughter is a couple months younger than our C and her granddaughter is a month and 1/2 older than our Reyasunshine. Our lives have mirrored each other. We've seen things, done things, lived through things and grown. We laughed over our children and cried over their choices. And a very long time ago, she helped me escape. I am forever grateful.

Of course I wanted to show her everything from Idaho. She is from Arkansas, after all, and has never been further west than Texas. Everything she knew about Idaho was POTATO....imagine that! I thought of places to eat, things to see. I wanted to share with her everything that had changed since I left her neck of the woods 24 years earlier. It was A LOT. We ate at The Boise Fry Co, went to Idaho Pizza, drove to Twin and saw waterfalls on the way. We skipped church to catch up, watched movies and giggled over my sweet grandgirls calling her Miss Phylla. We laughed about her selfie taking skills (she has none), saw a fountain show at The Village and watched The Magnificent 7 on my birthday. NOT a happy movie, btw. We shared a cinnamon roll at Great Harvest, I shook my head at her love of Coke. (blech) We went and saw the "Blue", the fish at the MK Nature Center and people sword fighting at Museum Comes to Life. She got more free souvenirs than I can count for her grandgirl. The week has flown by.

She's missed her kids, her husband and her grandgirl. I loved the awe as she realized that Idaho is a desert and that we have a lot of corn. We warned her about the bi-polar weather; sure enough, our great state didn't disappoint. I introduced her to my children; she knew Hillary as a young child and briefly as a young adult. The other girls were a bonus and a whirlwind of memories to talk about. Our S tickled her to death and she wants to take Whisper home. The girls waited for my southern accent to appear; I worked hard to make sure it didn't.

As we visited, I worried. I wondered if she was having a good time. Was I the same...did she wish she hadn't come...was it worth it? Wow...the enemy seeks to steal joy. I didn't let him, though. My worry was small and I realized I didn't have to entertain her. She is my friend....my decades long friend.

It's friendship forged in a fire. She is a joy to be around, to giggle with, to cry to. She's beautiful and doesn't really know it. My heart is full and thankful to God. I was a young woman when we met, married to a man who wasn't nice. I am older now, life experience trumping my youth, married to a nice man. It always amazes me how time continues forward and things change. But it's in moments like these that I realize things haven't changed as much. We are still us.

Thank you girls, for this sweet gift of time. Bless your hearts.....(HA) I don't know when we'll see each other again, physically. I hope it's sooner, rather than later. But I know I'll see her again before God, dancing and praising Him.

I love you, friend.


ps...never leave home without your face AND your girdle on. ;)

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It's been 3 months since I've sat down to write. We've had a busy summer...a crazy summer. A college graduate, married girl home while husband deployed, PLAN and PULL OFF a wedding summer. It's been, in short, CRAZY.

It's been nice, having all (except 1) girls under our roof this summer. They've slipped right back into the hierarchy that is sisters....right back into middle school. S said the other day that we had a system and it's been thrown into chaos. It's been joyful, scattered and full of surprises....and full of change!

C got married. It was a beautiful wedding on a beautiful July day. I had prayed for good weather....God is so awesome to have provided! After and emotional first day, her and her husband are settling into married life and adulting very well. (they might not agree)

K is doing well. Her heart wishes to be with her husband; that time is approaching! She really wishes all her people could be together in one place, preferably Europe. S wishes that, too, for purely selfish reasons. I mean...have you seen the fashion??

E recently got a job at St.Lukes as a patient specialist. She's had a rocky beginning...really praying that God show His plan to her and that she'll follow! In the meantime, she lives in the "trailer" outside our garage. To me, that is PRICELESS! I'm glad we have even that small space for her to call her own!

S is homeschooling this year. That is a major selling point in her quest to visit her sister in Europe. She can do school anywhere! She continues to be my advocate in sister tiffs and continues to be "snassy"....a mixture of snarky and sassy.

Our grands are doing well. Miss Reyasunshine is very sweet, here sister is very sassy. They are complete opposites and keep Hillary moving! J is working consistently. Hillary always amazes me in the way she is a mother and we are so proud of both her and J.

Little Bit goes to 8th grade after her 14th birthday! I can't believe we're done having 13 year olds. For all you mommas who struggle to believe the reality of children growing up, IT DOES HAPPEN! I think I'm an odd momma duck though....I celebrated when my littlest went to kindergarten. And I'm celebrating now....truth is, Matty and I are the family. The kiddos will come and go, but WE remain with each other. Anyways...H is still drawing and we are truly praying that God gives wisdom in how to pursue that.

Matty is still at the hospital. I am not working this year. The dogs are still alive and our household has grown by one rabbit and decreased by one hedgehog. (Bella lives with the honeymooners)God continues to work in our lives. I am so very thankful to Him for His continued grace. I am thankful for the way He has restored my marriage....it's not perfect and it never will be. With God, however, all things are possible.

The biggest changes in our world are good ones. A daughter visiting, a daughter married, a daughter beginning her adult life. Doesn't mean they're not painful. There are growing pains all around. We feel them, we see them. Our household has been shaken, the puzzle is shifting. Eventually we'll settle again, life will move smoothly and a routine will be followed.

God is consistent. His love is all encompassing, His grace new every day. His mercy abounds and His creation speaks of His joy. I am awed.

Find Him, today. He is everywhere, in all things. He never changes and for that I am grateful.

Until next time, friends.

Lonely in the Crowd

This entry isn't written from a specific view point; rather from a possible "everyone" standpoint.

Slowly, I walk up the stairs. I enter with hesitancy. Will anyone say "Hi" to me today, will they notice me? Or will I slip right by as they chatter, a ghost among the crowd? Will I walk away today feeling like I'm invisible to everyone except my husband and children?

These questions plague me whenever I go where there are people. Church, school events etc. There's an unspoken rule that you don't talk about feeling lonely, that lonely may be YOUR own fault. But what if it's not? What if, instead of thinking that the lonely person should step up, WE stepped up and spoke into their lives???? What if I spoke to someone I don't really know but would like to know better. What if someone I'd always wanted to talk to asked me to coffee?! What if, instead of looking around people as we say "Hi", we look AT them?

We all belong to this really big family. There's hundreds of people in it. Yet, it's so EASY to feel alone, to feel lonely in the crowd. Sometimes, I think we think that someone else is involved....why should we get involved, then?

I try stepping outside my zone. I try stepping into others' lives. I try being a part of the family. Yet...I feel like I'm just outside it, watching all the fun from the outside. Watching as relationships get built and lifelong friendships are forged. And I'm lonely.

It's hard, this being a girl thing. I think as children our confidence is forged. It's an ever changing thing, determined by public response and encouragement or disillusionment. There are good days and bad ones. There are days I feel as though I have strong relationships. I'm not lonely, I'm not wondering what's wrong with me. I'm confident in who I am, confident in the woman God has created me to be. Then there are days where I'm trying too hard to fit. Where my self-esteem is low and I'm wondering why I'm not talked to. Where I question God as to why He created me the way He did.

It's an extreme, being lonely. When you're lonely, everything is bigger. Every invitation someone else gets, every conversation that's not yours, every time someone looks through you. I'm willing to bet everyone has felt this way...even if they won't admit it.

Here's what I have:
When you're lonely in the crowd, remember God is always there. His presence is all encompassing, His love never ending. His arms are wide enough for you, His shoulders big enough for you to cry on. Remember, He has EVERYTHING written. From your birth to your death, He's got this. Every relationship, every cry for friendship, every sorrow, every laugh, every plea to fit in. He sees the loneliness, sees the desire to be loved. He sees YOU. He sees ME. He never looks through me. He never ceases loving me. Never.

When it hits, remember these:

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NAS) "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

1 Samuel 12:22 (NAS) "For the LORD will not abandon His people on account of His great name, because the LORD has been pleased to make you a people for Himself.

Psalm 25:16 (NAS) Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.

Psalm 147:3 (NAS) He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

And if you don't know Him, I encourage you to seek Him out. He sees you, He knows you, He loves you.

The days move on

I just realized it's been since January that I've posted. That seems surreal considering my life hasn't slowed down and is by no means perfect! But the days refuse to slow down or stop. They just move on.

Big news first: Our C is getting married! Yes, MARRIED! She's marrying the fellow she's been dating for almost 2 1/2 years. (would've been strange if it wasn't him) Our lives are a flurry of table runners, dress colors and flower choices. We are so very excited and can't wait for their adventure to unfold!

Also! Emily is graduating from U of I in May. We are making an exodus to Moscow to cheer her as she gets that piece of paper that says she truly is a grown up now.

K is home for a while as her hubby is gone. That's been hard. I hate to see her so sad. We pray continuously for His protective hand on both of them. Not just for their physical selves, but their emotional selves also.

Hill and J are doing better. He's got a better job that's almost full time. The grandgirls are good...all squishy and fabulously loving!

S is doing good, braces and all. She's kind of struggling with a teacher; that's a hard situation.

H is so very artistic! Love watching her draw!

It's amazing all the things that have happened since Jan. It's amazing at the bad that's been sprinkled in.

Through it all, I've seen His hand. He has held us, cradled us and given and taken away. He is so awesome in His mercy and grace. The world we live in is declining quickly.....it's so wonderful to know that He doesn't change and every day is written and that He is triumphant.

I have so much going on in my head; not enough time to write it all.

So I leave you with this:
The days move on. Regardless of how you feel, how you wish, how it seems to drag....the days move on. Every day is an adventure and already a victory for the Lord. There isn't one day that moves without His loving hand on it. Not one thought that goes unnoticed, one tear unbottled and one laugh He doesn't enjoy. While this world declines, take heart! Enjoy the given days, enjoy the moments that unfold. He delights in us; delight in HIM!


See you soon, friends.

Nothings Going to Happen....

Nothing is going to happen....until it does.

You sit there, on your computer, at your job, in the coffee shop etc pondering your life. Wondering how you got where you are or how you're going to get to where you're wanting to be. You play an online game, catch the eye of a co-worker or see a guy in while you drink your coffee. Suddenly....something has happened.

You don't set out to do it...good gracious, you're a christian! You've prayed the prayers, you've sat in church and heard the sermon, you listen to the christian station on the radio. Nothing is going to happen....you're protected. Yeah. Until it happens. The enemy doesn't search out the ones who aren't God's....they're already his. He wants you...the one who IS God's, the one who belongs to the Lord most high. The enemy has joy in you falling and he finds many, many ways to help you down the hill.

Suddenly, you're sharing emotional ties with that guy online, you're talking to that female co-worker at lunch and you've met that cute guy for coffee a few times. Still, you tell yourself nothing is going to happen. Because you're not 'that way'. Then it does. And you're stuck.

Beloved, God does not want you to be fooled. He does not want you to fall. He is protecting you....but He will allow you to make choices and decisions and He will allow you to fall into those pits. He wants you to know that He is for you....you are often against yourself.

I didn't set out to wear the letter 'A'. I wasn't that way, either. A little flirtation, a little meeting and BOOM... After it happened, I made choices that led me into a deep, very deep, pit. I, where some aren't so sure, KNEW I was in a pit. I chose it.

I was redeemed. Only by Him. My life since hasn't been peaches and cream, but OH, I've come so far. We try to encourage our girls to stay away from things that may snare them, things that may catch them and trip them up. I've realized that Godly counsel from a parent comes across as parental counsel....no matter how it's phrased. We encourage our girls to search out other counsel...maybe we're off on some things and if so, we want them to get honest and Godly counsel!

The hardest part: Knowing what's real and what isn't. When you're talking to that online guy, that female co-worker, that cute coffee guy....the words are honey, the emotions rampant and the heart is deceitful. If you have an "other", chances are they're hurting over changed behavior and struggling to understand.

When we start to defend our "Nothing is going to happen...." you can bet the enemy is listening. You can bet he's already plotting and enjoying the strife it's causing. You can bet he's gleeful over the relationship tension and the brokeness that may follow. He's wily and crafty and has domain over this earth. He's going to try and make as many fall as he can while he's around. Guard yourself by being honest: Recognize you are NOT IMPERVIOUS. You are NOT immune to the enemy. Be honest before the Lord; He will take your burden and carry you through. There is nothing He is unaware of.

I leave you with this:

"A faithful witness will not lie, But a false witness speaks lies. A scoffer seeks wisdom, and find none, But knowledge is easy to him who has understanding. Leave the presence of a fool, Or you will not discern words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, But the folly of fools is deceit. Fools mock at sin, But among the upright there is good will. The heart knows its own bitterness, And a stranger does not share its joy." Proverbs 14:5-10

Don't allow the enemy to sneak in. He is the author of lies, the prince of angst.

Nothing is going to happen...Until it does.