Just today, I watched a video that a friend of mine made. (TheRedheadMusic.com) After his initial greeting and antics, he got down to what the video was about. Death. And where he's going after he dies, and why he doesn't worry about his expiration date. That got me thinking.
Years ago, as a young teen, I would ask God to please not come back until I had children. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved. Having children was the most important thing to me. I was afraid that God would come or take me before I really got to be loved. (Amazing...His love truly is ALL I need! He loves me unconditionally and without pause! I know that now!)
After having a child, my pleas became "Please, let me see her grow up." After having more children, I would sit up late at night, crying. My heart ached, thinking of losing a daughter or them losing me. I would sit and watch whichever baby was sleeping soundly and beg God to "Please, don't let me die before they're grown." I had visions of them wandering the house, searching for me and me no where to be found. My mommy heart grieved in sorrow with these horrible scenarios. I wasn't worried about where I or they would go, I was worried about my life without them or their life without me. I didn't want to expire!
Once, when Colt girl was about 2, God showed me that I was getting to see them grow up. Every day they grew. Every day those marvelous girls changed. Every day I saw something new. And with Colt girl being my youngest at the time, somethings were the "last first time". (get it?) I had peace, for the first time. God knew something though. He knew that grace girl and bonus would come along before too long. The year following grace girls birth....9/11 happened. My fears of death and war and sorrow whapped me upside the head. I was terrified again. The enemy grabbed a hold of my mind, my heart and yanked me around. God reminded me that He alone is sovereign.
Sometimes, fear will grip my heart. What if they really didn't become saved? What if they don't really understand? WHAT IF THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM?! His presence comes around me, His hand holding mine. Like always, with all things concerning me/the girls/Matty, He reminds me that He's got this. He alone knows their hearts. He alone has a plan. He alone sees the entire film strip, including anyone's expiration dates.
Within the past few years, as the girls have gotten older, my prayers have turned to grandchildren. No longer do I ask Him not to come, but I ask Him that I will be allowed to have grandchildren to snuggle. And I do! I have one sweet grand girl that I get to cuddle and love on and spoil rotten. Her mother worries about the end of things, I can tell. She worries that she won't get to see this little Reyasunshine grow up. I don't know how things will go down and sometimes, I still get frightened by the end of things, the BIG expiration date. I think that's only human. But the truth is, I am His. I know I am a sinner, know that I can not DO anything to be saved and enter into His presence. He saved ME! I know that He died on the cross, took my sin (and the worlds) and rose again on the 3rd day after His death. I believe. So, because of that, I KNOW I get to praise and worship Him after my expiring. How about you?
I have gotten to have children (check), see them grow up (check), see my grand girl (check) and be loved by an amazing man. That was a bonus. I don't really have a "bucket list". If I did, those things were on it. What a joy to have experienced so much. Do I want to expire? No, not really. Not yet. I have 5 other daughters to marry off, and other grandbabies to meet. But....His plan is His and He alone knows it. I'm going to enjoy this time, enjoy this moment and grow up a little bit more.
On my not "bucket list": going to Disneyland next year! Yippee!!
"....that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart the God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved..." romans 10:9
That's all folks....
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
The Momma Bear
Yup, that's me. The Momma Bear. And let me tell you something, don't mess with my cubs.
Recently, a certain someone has resurfaced in our lives. This someone had a non relationship with one of our cubs. He strung her a long the "I like you path" for a good long while. Finally, the string was broken and they really went their separate ways. Cut to a year later. He's back, emotions in overdrive. And of course, looking at our girl like he always did. Our girl is flattered. Who wouldn't be?? But, as per usual, a few texting days later....someone has left the building. She doesn't get it. She didn't ask him to come back around, didn't ask him to confess what feelings he has. She certainly didn't ask him to cause upheaval in her life. She's just calmly building her life, waiting for God's direction.
And this, dear readers, is what make this Momma Bear mad. I know that boys eventually outgrow stupidity. I know that girls have just as much growth going on, but somehow we seem to have it much more together quicker! I've seen my fair share of this with our girls. Boys that come around, then change their minds. Boys that profess 'love' then 2 weeks later forget. Golly, one boy professed love then broke up with our girl the same day. I know that life is confusing and emotions lie. BUT don't drag our girl into the bramble bush.
Funny, once I was the 'boy'. I would drag unsuspecting boys around on a leash, then cut them loose with no explanation. It looks so much different as the Momma Bear. I'm the one that sees the hurt in their eyes, wipes their tears and hugs them tight. I'm the one that gets angry on their behalf when they're confused as to what the heck just happened. I'm the one that desires to just kick those boys in the fannies and yell at them to wake up. They're going to miss the best things that ever could happen to them.
This boy cub, he's emotionally hurting. His life changed rather rapidly. And while I have sympathy for that, I will not tolerate him causing hurt and confusion in our girl. (AGAIN) She will be his "What If". If they never get it together, he will always wonder what might've happened. And I am sorry for him, and whoever his future wife may be. Our cub will be okay. As I said before, she's waiting for God. Sometimes impatiently, but waiting none the less. I know He will honor her heart with a mate that will love Him first, her second. They will serve Him with their lives. She deserves that and so much more. She deserves the man God created for her....the waiting may be tough, but in the end it will be worth it.
Yes, I love our girls. No, I don't think they're perfect. But I do believe that God honors heart felt pleas. I believe that God loves them more than I. I believe that God allows for second chances and if the ONE by chance makes a different decision then He has another. I believe that some of our girls will wait and others will hurry along to write their own ending. All in all, it's Him. No matter what we try to write, He always finishes the story differently than we expect. And I love that.
Boy Cubs: If you want to love one of ours, be honest about it. Stop waiting for the BIG SIGN....sometimes, it's the small ones that are meant to get your attention. Don't focus on the what ifs, go for the right nows. Otherwise, back off. This Momma Bear bites. :)
Recently, a certain someone has resurfaced in our lives. This someone had a non relationship with one of our cubs. He strung her a long the "I like you path" for a good long while. Finally, the string was broken and they really went their separate ways. Cut to a year later. He's back, emotions in overdrive. And of course, looking at our girl like he always did. Our girl is flattered. Who wouldn't be?? But, as per usual, a few texting days later....someone has left the building. She doesn't get it. She didn't ask him to come back around, didn't ask him to confess what feelings he has. She certainly didn't ask him to cause upheaval in her life. She's just calmly building her life, waiting for God's direction.
And this, dear readers, is what make this Momma Bear mad. I know that boys eventually outgrow stupidity. I know that girls have just as much growth going on, but somehow we seem to have it much more together quicker! I've seen my fair share of this with our girls. Boys that come around, then change their minds. Boys that profess 'love' then 2 weeks later forget. Golly, one boy professed love then broke up with our girl the same day. I know that life is confusing and emotions lie. BUT don't drag our girl into the bramble bush.
Funny, once I was the 'boy'. I would drag unsuspecting boys around on a leash, then cut them loose with no explanation. It looks so much different as the Momma Bear. I'm the one that sees the hurt in their eyes, wipes their tears and hugs them tight. I'm the one that gets angry on their behalf when they're confused as to what the heck just happened. I'm the one that desires to just kick those boys in the fannies and yell at them to wake up. They're going to miss the best things that ever could happen to them.
This boy cub, he's emotionally hurting. His life changed rather rapidly. And while I have sympathy for that, I will not tolerate him causing hurt and confusion in our girl. (AGAIN) She will be his "What If". If they never get it together, he will always wonder what might've happened. And I am sorry for him, and whoever his future wife may be. Our cub will be okay. As I said before, she's waiting for God. Sometimes impatiently, but waiting none the less. I know He will honor her heart with a mate that will love Him first, her second. They will serve Him with their lives. She deserves that and so much more. She deserves the man God created for her....the waiting may be tough, but in the end it will be worth it.
Yes, I love our girls. No, I don't think they're perfect. But I do believe that God honors heart felt pleas. I believe that God loves them more than I. I believe that God allows for second chances and if the ONE by chance makes a different decision then He has another. I believe that some of our girls will wait and others will hurry along to write their own ending. All in all, it's Him. No matter what we try to write, He always finishes the story differently than we expect. And I love that.
Boy Cubs: If you want to love one of ours, be honest about it. Stop waiting for the BIG SIGN....sometimes, it's the small ones that are meant to get your attention. Don't focus on the what ifs, go for the right nows. Otherwise, back off. This Momma Bear bites. :)
Monday, April 8, 2013
Those Magic Moments
I don't believe in magic. Don't believe in unicorns, leprechauns or genie's. We don't let our girls watch Harry Potter, but do let them watch Disney movies. We don't watch Twilight, but Chicken and I love to watch "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer". Probably because the vampires in Buffy aren't sparkly odd balls. I may not believe in magic, but I do believe in the magic moments of life. (AHA! Wondering when I would throw the title in, huh?)
Those moments begin to shape and define our world. We tuck them away, inside our hearts and hold them close. Our colt girl has had more romantic, 'magic' airport (movieish) moments than one young girl should have. Last year, as he left, he leaned over the security line and tucked a necklace into her hands and said "So you don't forget me." She sighed and whispered back, "I could never forget you."
This year, parting was great sorrow. He almost missed his flight, he was hugging her so long then standing at the exit doors on the other side of security, watching and waving. Those moments are hers, tucked inside her heart. It made me reflect on my own moments.
Down memory lane we go......
Matty once took me above the city, played Journey and cuddled me as we watched the twinkling lights of the city. After a HUGE fight.
Hillary was born, Emily was born, Chellsei was born, Kaily was born, Savannah was born and finally, Harley was born. Those were intense magic moments.
When I say, 'Honey! I have an idea!' Matty (mostly) listens...even if it involves painting.
Reya was born.
My dad cried the day he gave me away.
Meeting friend in California. That was the MOST fun!
Going to Disneyland every year for 4 years.
....there are so many more. Most of them involve the girls, involve Matty, friends and family.
The colt girl's moments, those belong to her. I realized as I watched them watch each other from across and behind airport doors, that those moments didn't involve me. I watched him take steps to go through the doors that would bring him back to her arms. Watched her shoo him back, tears streaming down her face. I watched as an observer, one removed. Until I pulled her away, then it became part of my story. I sorrow a little. I am not quite ready for her to love someone this way. It was a magic moment that I only got to see, not be a part of. As her mother, my heart sorrowed a bit.
God blesses us with those moments when we aren't looking for them. Sometimes, we try to make them happen. The results of that aren't always what we hoped. As young girls, we hope and dream of our Prince Charming, and the moment he'll sweep us off our feet. Sometimes, the love story is just like that. Sometimes, it's not. But take heart, each moment IS written by the Author, the Creator of life.
Anything we may try to put into play, He sees and knows.
The best magic moment: The one where I realized that I am truly His beloved. I am His bride, He delights in me. There is a moment every day that I breathe easier knowing I belong to Him. Often it consists of Him reminding me that I haven't chatted with him lately....a loving whap on the head. Those moments when I know it's Him and Him alone that I can take comfort in. The breeze that blows my way after I pray for it, the phone call telling me someone loves me, the calm after I pray. That is Him. He is the greatest love story.
As we watch things unfold around us, I am reminded to find the magic in the every day. I don't want to miss it, don't want to be complacent. I don't know how colt girl's story will end...but I'm flattered to be an observer, if a little sad. Take some time today, friend, to enjoy Those Magic Moments. And don't blink, you might miss them.
Those moments begin to shape and define our world. We tuck them away, inside our hearts and hold them close. Our colt girl has had more romantic, 'magic' airport (movieish) moments than one young girl should have. Last year, as he left, he leaned over the security line and tucked a necklace into her hands and said "So you don't forget me." She sighed and whispered back, "I could never forget you."
This year, parting was great sorrow. He almost missed his flight, he was hugging her so long then standing at the exit doors on the other side of security, watching and waving. Those moments are hers, tucked inside her heart. It made me reflect on my own moments.
Down memory lane we go......
Matty once took me above the city, played Journey and cuddled me as we watched the twinkling lights of the city. After a HUGE fight.
Hillary was born, Emily was born, Chellsei was born, Kaily was born, Savannah was born and finally, Harley was born. Those were intense magic moments.
When I say, 'Honey! I have an idea!' Matty (mostly) listens...even if it involves painting.
Reya was born.
My dad cried the day he gave me away.
Meeting friend in California. That was the MOST fun!
Going to Disneyland every year for 4 years.
....there are so many more. Most of them involve the girls, involve Matty, friends and family.
The colt girl's moments, those belong to her. I realized as I watched them watch each other from across and behind airport doors, that those moments didn't involve me. I watched him take steps to go through the doors that would bring him back to her arms. Watched her shoo him back, tears streaming down her face. I watched as an observer, one removed. Until I pulled her away, then it became part of my story. I sorrow a little. I am not quite ready for her to love someone this way. It was a magic moment that I only got to see, not be a part of. As her mother, my heart sorrowed a bit.
God blesses us with those moments when we aren't looking for them. Sometimes, we try to make them happen. The results of that aren't always what we hoped. As young girls, we hope and dream of our Prince Charming, and the moment he'll sweep us off our feet. Sometimes, the love story is just like that. Sometimes, it's not. But take heart, each moment IS written by the Author, the Creator of life.
Anything we may try to put into play, He sees and knows.
The best magic moment: The one where I realized that I am truly His beloved. I am His bride, He delights in me. There is a moment every day that I breathe easier knowing I belong to Him. Often it consists of Him reminding me that I haven't chatted with him lately....a loving whap on the head. Those moments when I know it's Him and Him alone that I can take comfort in. The breeze that blows my way after I pray for it, the phone call telling me someone loves me, the calm after I pray. That is Him. He is the greatest love story.
As we watch things unfold around us, I am reminded to find the magic in the every day. I don't want to miss it, don't want to be complacent. I don't know how colt girl's story will end...but I'm flattered to be an observer, if a little sad. Take some time today, friend, to enjoy Those Magic Moments. And don't blink, you might miss them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)