Empty

My house, currently, is empty aside from me, Murphy the wonderdog and his faithful sidekick (the ever LICK-Y) Whisper. It was a long summer. Amazing how, even with all the changes, I can rejoice in the silence and emptiness that overcomes my house for 8 hours M-Th.

Amazing because if you had asked me in March if I wanted an empty house, I would've said no and burst into tears. That's pretty much all I did in March. Cry. Watching that tall girl get married, having to give her away all by myself was HARD. Feeling the distance between Matty and I and not having a CLUE as to what was causing it or how to change it was perplexing and difficult. Throw in some family resentment, some cranky kids and lost relationships and you've got my spring wrapped up nice and tight.

Oh, yeah. Also, I was EMPTY. I felt so broken and I presented that way.

Our summer went by in a blur, a flurry of activities. A whirlwind of good-byes, feeling like there wasn't enough time in a day. In a house full of girls, the tears flowed often.

Then came the Something that sent Matty and I into counseling. Which is going so/so, for your info. It's always a learning experience....not always pleasant. But at least we're learning. And I'm not feeling so empty.

I remembered that He is all I need. Remembered that even if the Something caused great sorrow, He is bigger than that. He is bigger than the empty me and He can fill me right up with His presence, His peace and His love. It's not perfect, this thing called my life, but at least I'm still breathing!

It's been hard, having girls grow up and begin their own lives. Some people will say "It's normal" or "It's time" or other things like that. When, in reality, they struggled too. You carry these people under your heart, take care of them for numerous years and they just expect to grow up and move away? Well....yes. And that's alright. It just takes some getting used to. That contributed to my emptiness.

It's hard, not knowing how to fix things. That sucks all the "me" out of me. Leaves me empty and desolate. This Something with Matty....that left me the brokenest. But he loves me. So it's getting better. And I love him. And that makes it even more better.

God is "fixing" me. He is mending my broken spirit, filling up my empty soul. That is why I can enjoy the empty of my house.

So in closing, aside from our ever entertaining canines, God is here. My house is never really empty. Just like i was never really empty. I only allowed myself to believe I was.

What are you believing? Let's be real with each other, friends. We (hopefully) all belong to the same family. And if you don't know Jesus....ask me how. He loves you, friend. You are beloved.