I will remember....

It's a New Year. Full of new possibilities. Full of unknown joys and unknown trials. My resolution is to remember. Remember what, you ask? Well....

I will remember that my husband doesn't think like me. I will try not to expect him to.

I will remember to enjoy the moments that Harley wants to play a game I've played a thousand times. She is only 10 for 8 more months. She reminds me all the time that she will be a "tween" come September. Sigh.

I will remember that first love is sweet....and that certain people only get ONE minute to say goodbye to their boyfriend. After that she will get yanked inside the house.

I will remember to take time to talk to my girls. Slowly, they are moving out of our home and into lives of their own.

I will remember that we raised that one girl with common sense and God. I can't make her make the choices I would....she's already made so many that I never had the sense to make!

I will remember that my body is meant to be strong. I will not get caught up in what I "should" be, but work on who God created me to be.

I will remember that my Matty likes my curves. That's all.

I will remember to be patient with the puppy. Even when I wish Murphy would eat her.

I will remember to laugh at the little things. After all, they really don't matter.

I will remember God's abundant love and provision over 2012. Sometimes, it seemed as though we had been forgotten...but He reminded me that He bottles my tears and was always there.

I will remember to call my friends. And they will remember to call me. And my parents. I will call them.

I will remember to read my bible. His word is a blueprint, a guide and truth.

I will remember to pray. And when I don't, He will remind me.

I will remember to be patient with that one girl. She is changing daily and learning about herself. I forget how hard the transition from "tween" to "teen" is.

I will remember to love my husband...he will love me.

I will remember that my granddaughters mother is not me....she has to learn things by doing. I can't do them all...even though I want to.

I will remember to hug my girls. They're squishable.

Mostly, I will remember that I am His beloved. I will cling to that, bank on it and hold it tight. And if I forget, my tattoo reminds me. In blue.

What will you remember this year?

Stolen!

I've taken (stolen) this idea from a friend:


Best Quotes of the Year! (spoken in loud, booming voice)

1)"Well, I'm not going to date him if he doesn't have any money." By Kaily, age 15.(now 16) Who has a job and is currently dating someone who has no money. She has finally stopped growing, height wise, but continues to grow emotionally and spiritually. We are proud of the woman she is becoming and look forward to seeing her become the surgeon she aspires to be.

2)"Can you take my place?!" By Hillary, near the end of her labor. We are so very excited that we are officially grandparents! We love that Hillary and Jeremy have moved here and we are able to be a part of their lives and get to see little Reya grow up! What a joy!

3)"I told them I was their first fan!" By Harley, age 10. In the spring she got to go to her very first concert and saw her favorite band. By the quote, you can tell what she told them. She continues to grow upward, and is loving being a auntie. God is key in her life and she'll tell anyone all about Him. She is still quite the character and enjoyed very much meeting Cinderella 10 times at Disneyland.

4)"I can't get it to send to your yoo-hoo account." By Matty, trying to send an e-mail to my Yahoo. Matty continues to soldier on amidst this army of girls. And while he has a son in law now, it still doesn't even up the playing field. We even got a girl puppy. He loves his new job at the hospital and really is looking forward to moving up in his chosen work.

5)"I'm not reaching into my stocking to get a bandaid!" By Chellsei, age 17. Said just a minute ago. She continues to inspire me with her wise words and is currently looking into colleges. She saw God's answer to prayer when she got to meet Hawk Nelson in person and chatted with them for 5 minutes behind the stage. We are so very proud of her and are so excited to see her grow in faith. (she stopped growing height wise a long time ago)

6)"I can't go _______________ because I'm going home for the weekend" By Emily, age 19. She was trying to surprise me....however once on facebook, it is no longer a surprise. She is doing well at University of Idaho and we are so very proud of her. Her focus is a little askew, but she'll straighten out. She currently has a boyfriend who is younger than her.

7)"Kaily has to marry 'Siah so we can be sisters." By Savannah, age 12. Her very good friend has a brother that they want Kaily to marry so they can be forever related. I told Savannah she could marry him herself and get the same result. The look she gave was priceless. She is doing great in school and her sense of humor shows itself daily.

8)"Seriously??!" Said by me, age 40. Constantly and daily. I am still flawed, trying to keep myself together and still be nice to those around me. I am a work in progress and know that God isn't done yet.....so thankful for that! My heart aches in knowing that our time is short with the girls, but so grateful that we've had them. They are all beautiful and wonderful girls, with a heart for the Lord. I am enjoying being Matty's wife....even on days we fight. ;)

So, this is it. My "Stolen" idea....I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year. I look forward to chatting with you again in 2013.

Remember, He is the reason for the season!

9)"Would love to see a picture of that baby!" By Jeri, friend. Jeriana! Look on FaceBook....pictures are EVERYWHERE! Love you!

Wrappings and Trappings

Our gifts are wrapped! Yes, world, I am already done wrapping gifts. I did most of my shopping on black Friday...or Thursday as it was. Our tree is up, our lights are lit and the stockings are hung. I have a list of things to do, see and places to be. I have parties to plan and baking to do. Emily will be home, we have a new granddaughter and a son in law to celebrate with. Kaily has a new (old) boyfriend (remember the one from over a year ago?) and someone else could have a new relationship by the time Christmas rolls around.....we'll see what the next week unfolds.

BUT....let's take a step back. Let's forget the parties, the baking and the gifts. Let's breathe. Last week, we went to the capitol to see the tree lighting. It was the first time we've ever done that. It was magical. The girls got along and everything went smoothly. This Monday, we're going to see "Winter Garden Glow"....never done that either! As we do these things, I am reminded that it's not about the wrappings and trappings. It's about the memories, the joy and the fellowship of this family. Things have changed, our puzzle has shifted...but it's good.

I want to remember all the joy, the adventure and the fun we have. I want to hold on to the smiles, the laughter and the goofiness. I want to love well and be loved much. And I want to let you in on a secret: It's about one gift. A very long time ago, God created the earth. And He put us on it. When we didn't do what we should've, He allowed His son to be born, on Earth to human parents. He didn't want anyone to suffer, didn't want anyone to be separated from Him...so He created the sacrifice. His son was born so He could die, so we could live. He bottles our tears, prays for us and died for us. He prepares a home for us (me), He is our (my) bridegroom. His heart is for me and no one could stand against Him. He is love and He loves us (me) much.

Christmas is fun. It's beautiful, uniting and joyful. It is the one time of year that people tend to forgive more, give generously and forget sorrows. And sometimes, forget what it's all about. It's not about the wrappings and trappings....it's about celebrating the baby that was born to die for YOU.

My Christmas wish for you this year is that you love well. Remember to love those you would typically overlook, enjoy the little things and soak up the blessings God has given you. Even when it seems like there aren't any....He is there. He knows, dear one. He sees you and knows your name. His plan is perfect.....just hold on and enjoy the season. His gift was for you.


Merry Christmas, friends. May your holiday be bright. May the Son shine.

Whoop De "Thankful" Do!

Yes, the title is a little flat. It's time for my "Thankful" blog....and I'm having trouble finding something to be thankful for this morning. A little back story: Over something incredibly stupid, Matty and I fought last night. And he slept on the couch. Really. So this morning....well, I was/am still cranky. But, I'm going to give this a whirl.

I'm thankful I'm breathing.
I'm thankful my kids are breathing.
I'm thankful my granddaughter is breathing.
Ok, I'm thankful Matty is breathing. (honest)
I'm thankful Murphy has let the puppy live and I haven't found her shaken to death by her neck.
I'm thankful for the spider guy.
I'm thankful for German boys who send chocolate.
I'm thankful that I realized this year that our "colt" girl has it in her to be shaken to her core.
I'm thankful I am "Beloved" in blue and Kaily is "Imperfect" in purple.
I'm thankful for my friends...ones who remind me to breathe as a needle jabs into my shoulder continuously.
I'm thankful my son in law moved her so I could be with Hillary when Reya was born.
I'm thankful for Logan.
I'm thankful to Harriet....she created the path that led to my high school graduation.
I'm thankful that Emily is keeping a (somewhat) level head at college.
I'm thankful that the yumminess of Thanksgiving dinner is right around the corner! Lots of food, treats and killer bunnies!
Oh, yes...I'm thankful for Killer Bunnies. And for Jess, who talks in a funny accent when she gets to choose a carrot.
I'm thankful I'm still here...alive and able.
I'm thankful for Hawk Nelson...what a treat for Chellsei!
I'm thankful that I got to go to Disneyland. AGAIN!
I'm thankful.

Things I am NOT thankful for:
fights
outhouses
still speedos
beets and butterscotch
spiders (hence the spider guy)
puppy training....and puppy eating everything in sight
when Murphy acts like he's going to grab puppy by her neck and shake her to death
sleepless nights with hubby on couch
taking the yuckies out of the turkey....ewwwww!

Something I am ALWAYS thankful for:
God
His infinite wisdom and grace
that He allows me to live, raise His children and have another chance at being a good wife
that He holds my hand, I am never alone

So, the moral to this list is: Just because it doesn't seem to work, doesn't mean it's broken. This morning is a "flat" morning for me...doesn't have to be a "flat" day. And I'm thankful for that....I get a "Begin Again".

Thank you for reading....for sticking with me, for loving me through my honesty. I am thankful for you, unknown friends. God bless you and keep you!

thankful for stretchy pants....

Generations

I have a granddaughter. She is small and lovely and fabulous! My heart swells when I see her...i just LOVE her super much!

The day Hillary had her, I was struck with the realization that I'm no longer "the" mom. My days of parenting Hillary are over. She is the mom...her journey is just beginning. As I watch her go through all that post pregnancy stuff (pain, healing from stitches etc), I try to remind her that it's worth it. But some days, it doesn't feel worth it.

Some days, she'll want to cry from lack of sleep. Some days, she'll yell at Jeremy because he left a tiny little speck of something on the table. Some day's she'll sigh in frustration and beg me to "PLEASE take the baby". And some days, she may look back and think about how much easier life was "before"....

BUT...most days, she'll smile and coo, amazed at how pretty her sweet little one is. Most days, she'll sleep when baby sleeps (on advice from mom) and she'll get rest when she can. Most days, she'll love Jeremy. Most days, she'll look forward to the every day growing up her little sweetie pie will do. And she'll wonder what she ever did BEFORE this miracle.

One day, her daughter will call her mommy. She will get taller. She'll go to kindergarten....eventually graduate high school. In the very distant future, she'll meet someone (already bargained that one out), get married and have children of her own. I'm not trying to grow her too fast, I'm just realistic. I've got 6 kiddos under my belt....and I only blinked and they were grown. Those things you think your children will never do...they do them. And you're left to wonder if you did a good enough job. Well, He wouldn't have allowed you (me) to raise them if not. He knew what He was doing and He knew who He was creating. He knew who He was allowing to raise them, too. Amazing, right??!

There is a picture I hope to repeat, over and over. It's a generation picture. My mom, myself, Hillary and sweet girl. Eventually, there will be other daughters with other children. What a picture that will be....generations......

He is great. His creation is amazing. There is no mistake when He creates, no mistake or oops in what He does. And for that, I am blessed.

The best thing about the sweet one....I don't have to take her home. I get to love on her, snuggle her, enjoy her and then send her home with mom and dad....

Our "Little Women"

We have a Meg. And a Jo. And Amy...even a Beth. (not dead) It's amazing how much I see our girls mirrored in fictional characters. But that particular story resonates strongly with me. All these girls, numerous personalities...sometimes in the SAME girl...what a blessing it's been. As they grow and get older, I am taken aback at how short the time has actually been.

As Hillary prepares to be a mother, and I gear up to be a grandma, I am reminded that time is ever moving. In 10 years, Harley will be 20. My grand baby will be 10 and I could (possibly) have more! And I wonder...did I teach them enough? Did I do it right? Do the decisions they make reflect on us and our parenting? And how do we stop this fast moving train and rewind the movie??

I turned 40 in September. I got a tattoo. It says "Beloved". Those of you that know my story will know that is how I view myself. As His beloved. (bunny trail) Anyways, as I turned 40, I was hit with the realization that my time as a "teaching" parent is almost over. I have to trust that God knew what He was doing when he allowed me to teach and raise 6 of His precious ones. So often, I've felt as though I failed them. But maybe I didn't. Maybe, just maybe, I did right.

As a mom, I have prayed, worried, cried and sorrowed over choices they've made. I've yelled, spanked, swatted and even popped. I've been honest, had some hard conversations and apologized. I've shattered dreams, built confidence and soothed broken hearts. I've become "Marmee".

Our little women have grown. They've developed personalities all their own. And while I see the mirror in fictional characters, I am so grateful and thankful they are individuals. I love the fact that they can laugh at themselves. Love that they are gracious. Love that nothing I say makes them wish I wasn't their mom. It's nice that they love to hang out with me...I guess I don't embarrass them too much! (not that I don't try)

I thank God for them. I thank God that He trusted me....and that even in my mistakes, He allowed me to do it "right".

Whoooo R Youuuuu??

I am going to a banquet. I'm not crashing it, I'm expected. Anticipated, if you will. At this banquet, no one will look through me. They will look AT me. No one will act like they are listening as they look around to see who else they COULD be talking to.

At this banquet, I won't have to wait to be accepted. I won't have to wonder if I look good. I won't have to worry that I'm not GOOD enough. I won't have to worry at all. I just get to be there. And Someone is excited that I'm going to be there.

I know that my last few blogs have been about acceptance and the way we (I) treat others or feel treated by others....but it's been heavy on my heart. I sometimes feel as though I've walked into a party an hour late and everyone already has a party buddy. And so I sit, alone, pitiful and sad. I sometimes feel like no matter how many times I invite someone over, they will always say no because they just DON'T want to be my friend. Even when they say "Sounds great....let me check my schedule". And maybe, I just need to let that go. Why do I (we) let these things define who we are?! Why do I(we) allow such trivial and minute things to determine how we shape ourselves??

I sometimes feel as though no matter how long I circulate with a group of people, I will always be the odd one out. I know my clothes aren't the same, and my husbands job doesn't bring in 6 figures and our car is super old. I feel like these things matter...perhaps they don't. I am still a person, with feelings and insecurities. You have them too....they just manifest differently.

I don't pretend. I am who I am. I'm honest, loud and sometimes not so tactful. I'm gracious, giving and vindictive. I'm abrasive, compassionate and a born leader. I'm not asking for you to like me, I'm asking you to give me a chance to be your friend. To show you who I am. To accept me for who I am.

Some banquets are hard. Everyone already knows eachother and I'm the odd duck out. That's scary and lonely. Some are easy. They're waiting for me to walk in, waiting to laugh and enjoy time with me. Those are fun and wonderful.

The one I'm invited to....not sure when I'll get to go. But when I do, He will tell me that I was always His "Beloved". He will hug me and tell me that to Him, I was never less than.

So, tell me. Who are You?

I am His.