Trust Issues

Don't laugh....I've realized I have MAJOR trust issues. Try dating one of our daughters....or wanting to marry one. (right, son in law?) For some strange reason, I think that as soon as I'm out of sight, people change. They suddenly become who they really are. And I never get to know, because I can't see them. I think this is a little askew. Actually, probably a lot askew. That's what I'm going with.

I don't know where it started. Childhood? Young adulthood? I know that marrying someone 7 years older than me and then being abused for 2 years didn't help. You're supposed to trust your spouse...I couldn't trust him with anything. I'm sure there were sometimes my mistrust was misplaced. But I allowed it all the same. I know that now there are situations in which it isn't warranted, yet here I am...worrying myself sick with mistrust.

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's watching things happen and wanting to direct they way things go. Maybe it's one little slip up and then I'm done. I KNOW some of that is from my 2 years of sad. I don't give people chances anymore. I figure one is enough and if they mess up why should I stick around? I mean, it isn't always like that...but there are those that I just flat out don't trust/like/want to be around.

Wow. I am so glad that God doesn't have the same view point. Here I am talking about trust and I have broken so many. Yet...He loves me anyway. He has carried me up and out of a pit more than once. And I have the audacity to not even trust Him?? That's what this comes down to. Trusting God.

I see trust issues presenting themselves more when it's a girl situation. Pretty sure it's because I don't want any of them to be broken. But...really...isn't that God's part? Isn't He the one that has created and invested in them more than I? Didn't He just allow us to raise them? For HIM??? His purpose and His plan. I feel like I'm constantly fighting a current. I'm losing.

So...it's time to give it up. I'm giving it up to God. A couple entries ago, I said I wasn't going to trust someone...that I was going to trust God. So here we go. For the billionth time, I am giving this all to God. He's got it, I just keep trying to snatch it back and carry it. Silly, mistrustful me.


What are you struggling with? What are you not trusting? WHO are you not trusting? Because He sees it. He knows, and He loves you. He wants to carry your mistrust, your angst and anxiety. He wants you to settle and just remember His promises.

I just started a bible study at church. It's "Anxious for Nothing" by John MacArthur. Yup...God is speaking to me. It's 'bout time I listen.



"And again, "I will put My trust in Him." And again, "Behold, I and the children whom God has given Me."
Hebrews 2:13