I am confuzzled. Not sure what to write tonight. I have so much on my heart.
Such as: that girls German is here. In a month, they'll be saying goodbye. Again. And she'll be a mess until he's gone for a bit. All will be good until he comes back. Sigh, a heart wrenching circle to be sure.
Such as: Girls headed off to college. TWO of them. One a "veteran" college girl, one a newbie.
Such as: Matty's CNA school/job. Such a good thing, but still......
Such as: Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are all right around the corner.
Such as: Feeling not quite all together.
I was reading my friends blog (you know who you are) and she is having this deep, philosophical discussion about homosexuality and recent events. I am astounded at the way she is handling it. I'm not sure I would be quite the same. She is being very grown up with it all....not sure if I would show the same maturity.
We get to where we believe what we believe. And that's that. We lose sight of the why's and simply stamp our feet and go from there. They should just follow. Why?? Because we say so?? It's like our girl with the German boyfriend....she kinda, sorta expects him to be American. And no matter how frustrated she gets, he doesn't suddenly become American. Go figure. She's trying to be patient, but she's young. It'll come.
We set things up in our heads and they make perfect sense. Most of the time, I don't understand why the person I'm talking to doesn't get it. I mean, if I think it....that should be all they need, right??! WRONG! I need to remember that not only can people NOT read my mind, they also don't have to agree with me. I know that's a strange concept.
My mind and heart are so full, I just can't put it all down. I'm thinking alot, trying to figure out where I need to be and what I need to change. Trying to figure out how to be supportive and still strong. Trying to figure out how to do all that needs to be done. Trying to figure out how to not be confuzzled.
I love the Lord, He is the director of my life. He is the author of all things, the King of kings. I know that He sees me, know that He loves me. I also know that He's letting me puzzle through my confuzzlement. That's the hard part.
Hey, friend. Go, Fight, Win. I miss you so much it hurts. Love you much!
Oh, you make me cry. Don't think it didn't cross my mind that maybe the discussion needed a Baptist, a Pentacostal, a Mormon, and a Lesbian.
ReplyDeleteThen I thought that it might just be a little bit of an attack instead of a discussion.
I'm pretty confuzzled, too.
Love your blog. Hate changes. You have too many changes right now.