The Wall

So, I live behind a wall. It's a wall of my own making. Sometimes it's tiny....Sometimes it's the size of a castle wall. Depends on where I am, who I am with and what I am doing. If I'm walking into a room full of people, WOOSH, that wall is HUGE! I guess I figure that if I appear unapproachable, I can't be rejected. Reject first....no hurt later. I put on a mask of indifference, the appearance of "I'm fine without you". But then, later, I wonder why no one spoke to me. Huh?
Ok, so there is something wrong with the wall. It constricts, chokes and kills relationship. I miss out. What if I miss out on getting to know that person that needs to know me? Or, if I miss that one woman who can impart massive wisdom? I realize that I let my own insecurities cause me to stumble. I know that I am comparing myself to others and I always LOSE! Hence, the wall of many sizes. If I feel a smidge comfortable, the wall is smaller.....able to be jumped over. But not enough to really let someone all the way in. I had a "play-date" with a friend today. She told me to get over myself and stop making myself unapproachable. I cried. Not tears of sorrow, just emotion. The funny thing is, with her, there was never any wall. I knew I could tell her everything about myself and she would love me anyway. So what's the biggie? Why the walls in general? FEAR! Fear binds us, holds us and doesn't allow movement. It suffocates and gives us cause to wallow. We are so afraid of change, of real love, of rejection. We as humans crave acceptance. We strive for it, change for it and search for it in any form. But why?
I already have been accepted by the King. I was created by Him, in His image. When He looks at me...He sees beauty. He finds joy in my happiness and He loves me. Oh, how He loves me. There is no wall with my God. And He has called me to tear the walls down, not brick by brick with a safety net, but CRASH,BOOM,BANG. ALL GONE. So, this afternoon I did. They may build back up...but I will do my best to keep "shouting" them down. I will not be afraid...and I will love like Him.

"So the people shouted and priests blew the trumpets; and it came about. when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, that the people shouted with a great shout and the wall fell down flat...." Joshua 6:20