Really??

You ever walk into a room and scope out the competition? You know what I mean. You glance at every woman. You measure, size and put into a neat little box all the other females around. Some you look at and wish you were just like her! Others you get a little smug and think "I am so much better looking". Or there's that one woman, the one with the gorgeous hubby. She's not so hot and you're thinking "REALLY? He's with her???" I found myself doing that this weekend. Not over some other woman's hubby...mine is pretty hot...but over other mom's. And their kids.
I know, I know. Judge not. I've read the verse. But as I was standing the other day picking kiddos up from school, I was sizing the mommy competition. I was thinner than some, fatter than others. I dreamed about having a figure like that one, wished I was blonde. Started comparing so much, I came up completely lacking. My thighs are too big, my hair too blah, my eyes are just brown. I tell you what, when I get to heaven I want to be tall, thin and blonde. (small rabbit trail) After I beat myself up internally a while, I started looking at the kids. And I tell you....I was horrid!
If a little girl had a messy shirt or stringy hair my thought was "no way are the girls playing with that girl." If they looked unkempt the thought was the same.I actually judged children over how they look! WHAT is WRONG with me?? Have I gotten so skewed in my thinking that even children are prey to the "Let's Compare" game?? Sometimes, I think that because we are financially challenged I have something to prove. And that does distort my vision. I am so thankful that God doesn't look at me the way I sometimes look at others. I don't always sit in the comparison seat....It's just that when I do, it's very telling of my inner attitude and self. There is always someone who is uglier, fatter, thinner, prettier than me. There is always someone who is needy, alone, scared. Those children, they are just children. When my niece and nephew were still living with my drug addicted sister, you wouldn't have let your kids play with them. They were dirty, unkempt and not taken care of well. It wasn't their fault. The adult in their life didn't nurture and respect them. My mom always did my hair. I try to always do the baby's. I try to make sure that our kiddos don't look like we are financially challenged. And maybe that's what I am really looking at. When I think that there is no way my kids would play with "those" kids, I am really saying that I don't want people to think we are like them. And what does that say about me? It says I'm human....growing, changing. It says what I'm sure others have thought. I know I'm not alone. I may just be the only one bold enough to admit it in public.

It's a grand thing to be the child of THE KING....He sees these things in my heart and loves me anyway. That's what I'm going to do. Love myself, just as I am. (thighs and all) And spread His love to those around me.