Give me the beach, a drink and a chair all to myself. I've sent in my retirement, turned in my "mommy" card and taken a vacation. Of course it's in my head. I am breathless. This whirlwind called "motherhood" and "wife" has taken over. My time is not my own. Even with all the kids in school, I am inundated with "kid" stuff. There is laundry and dishes and dinner to plan. Totems to make and homework to supervise. Appointments to be gotten to and "taxi" runs to make. Birthday parties to plan and in general, troops to keep happy. Sigh.
I know, I know. It's no more than anyone else, I've made this choice myself, I am so blessed. I KNOW all those things....I'm just having a hard time "feeling" it today. I feel under water, unable to breathe and overwhelmed. I feel like I have to fix everything, and everyone's issue. I feel like running away, hence the vacation in my head. But, worry not friends. I won't fly the coop. The truth is, I know that I AM blessed. I know being a SAHM is a lifetime commitment....and I've enjoyed every year of it. And I have more years left. It's who I am. But sometimes, I want to be someone else. Tall, thin and blonde fits very well in my mind. Little umbrella's in my drinks, and no one fighting over who gets to sit next to me. No arguing over who doesn't do their chores and no one jealous over the girl who IS tall (very), thin and blonde. (She's gooooorgeous!) Everyone's room would be clean ALL the time and the laundry would be done without me having to do it! The tv wouldn't be on all the time (Sorry, hubby) and I would be able to eat ANYTHING and never gain a pound! Godiva brownie sundae...YUM. And.....well the wish list could go on and on. Would any of that really make me happy?? Probably!!! But I'm sure it wouldn't keep me happy. The honest truth is, and don't tell anyone, I am happiest in chaos. Happiest when food is cooking, music is playing and children are laughing. Happiest when we have impromptu bbqs and invite 10 people over. (Matty may not be, but he does have fun in the end) Happiest when I'm all snuggled next to the strongest man I know. Happiest when the lights go down, the house is quiet and I have a glass of wine....savoring the day.
These moments, when the whirlwind has taken my breath and I've broken down and cried to my friend, they overwhelm me. Yet, when I start my "dreaming" I am reminded how much of my dreams are my reality. God is good, His plan for my life is in full swing and I need to enjoy the ride. For now, the whirlwind subsides. I can breathe again.
I'm going to buy some little umbrellas...you never know when the beach might come to you!
Colette takes big breath... lets it out slow.... do it again . I was right back in mommy world with you. You are right where you are supposed to be... this you know, do you also know that Jesus has called you for such a time as this? You are an amazing mom ! A daughter of the Most High King. Enjoy living in the right now, under the Father's Blessing, whether or not you are at the beach.
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