Me at My Most.....

I'm taking a break from the marriage stuff...honestly, things are really good right now. We're talking, not yelling. We're negotiating, not demanding. We're learning, not ignoring. We're loving each other well. So today,I thought I'd give you a little bit of me. I know, I always over share. ;) So here is Me at My Most......

Scared:
Every time I walk into a crowded room. I am so very afraid of rejection. I hide myself away, hoping someone will talk to me. When we started somewhere new, I thought this was my chance to put myself forward. Make a new start, new relationships. I find myself still on the fringes, afraid of what people think...afraid of what people say. I so desperately want to be loved and have real, deep relationships....instead, I find myself watching from the outside. I DO have some very amazing friendships...am so very blessed by them....that doesn't take away the scared-ness in relation to others.

Lonely:
Good golly! Every. Day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the quiet of my house, but I'd LOVE to go get coffee with someone, lunch or even just take a walk with another human being that I can chat with. My days are long....they can get lonely. Okay, so maybe it's not EVERY DAY...but it sure does feel like it!

Beautiful:
Hmmmm. Lately, I've been feeling beautiful quite often. That may be because Matty and I are doing so well, and he's loving me better. Plus, I've lost some weight. It's okay if you haven't noticed...I have! :)

Angry:
At any given moment, I could become unglued. Which is interesting, considering I'm reading that very book!! It doesn't take much...a toy left out, a wrapper not thrown away. Shoes left all over my house are a biggie. And I NEVER, EVER go upstairs. Because when I do...well, let's just say I win the worst mom of the year award. Every. Time.

Nervous:
Every Sunday. What if no one says "Hi" to me. What if everyone ignores me. What if no one even 'sees' me. Yup...this is what I think.

Worrisome:
ALWAYS! Worried about money, worried about food. Worried about the girls, about Matty, about grandchildren. Worried about the world ending (not so much anymore), worried about how Christmas is going to work this year. Worried about seeing our far away girls, worried about the dogs. Worried about the new little guest living in my garage...thank you, Matty for telling me that we DO have a mouse out there. Worried, Worried, WORRIED! I just worry. Our counselor did a worry "test"...yeah...I failed big time. Matty on the other hand...doesn't worry about a THING. Lucky duck.....

Joyful:
Sigh. When I think of the girls, when I think of the grandgirls. When I think about how Matty and I turned and RAN from the brink of disaster...together! When I pray, when I allow God to seep into my soul. When I can just be with my family...and just be.

Overwhelmed:
When I feel like no one is taking care of me and I'm taking care of everyone else.

Ambitious:
Right now. I'm going to step beyond my fear and talk to people. The way they respond is theirs...I shouldn't take it personally. Also, when I write. I love to write.

Redeemed:
All day, every day. I can look backwards and see how God has so very patiently waited for me to blow off the muck and enter into His arms. I can see where He's shielded me from the danger I tried to run headlong into. I can enjoy His grace, bask in His love and rejoice that I am His beloved. I can see how He has and is continuing to restore my life. I. Am. His.

Would love to hear about you at your most....it can be anything. From regretful to happy. Remember....you are loved and it's okay to be at your most anything. Today is a new day, tomorrow will take care of itself.