The Good, Bad and Ugly

We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.

We had a couple of VERY ugly days last week. They were so terrible that I couldn't even be in the same room with Matty. He couldn't do or say anything right and I couldn't respond right or even be cordial. It was very, very bad. We went to counseling and started talking about our girls. All of a sudden, we were fine. I could feel my face glowing, my tone softening and my heart was open. Matty's face lit up, his words were eloquent. He even cried when talking about that one girl he used to watch football with.....he misses her so. When we got home, we were a unit again. Two halves of a whole. That was very, very good.

Until the enemy reminded me of the Something. Then I am a mess. I worry, I ponder and I wonder. Not a good thing...I allow what was beautiful to be painted ugly again. Yet...I prayed and I was okay. The Something became a something in the past.

It's not too far in the past, but every day it gets further. And every time we go to counseling, we learn something new. I realized something myself on this last visit. When we enter the room, I choose a corner of the couch to curl into and Matty sits right next to me. He always grabs my hand. We may not walk in as a unit, but we are one while we're there. It's almost like we're making sure that, even though we are upside down and backwards, we're a whole.

We started acting like we were only halves. That was part of the issue. The counselor said we need to be married like we parent....on the same page and with consistency. Makes sense. Now if only we could really do that......we're working on it.

The thing about the something: it's very damaging. We treat our marriages like they're made of iron. I'm sure some are. It's when we forget that they're not that we open ourselves up to "foxes". We allow things to creep into our hearts, our minds and our spirits. We forget to shelter our hearts and our partners. We forget to continue courting them. Did you think that just because that ring is on your finger you didn't have to try anymore??? NOPE! That's a BAD way to think.....you always need to be finding ways to love your spouse better, to stay interested in them. Notice I didn't say to keep them interested in you?? That's because if you're interested in them they'll feel loved, respected and important. They, in turn, will be interested in YOU. That is a GOOD thing!

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to get pulled into a pit. Sometimes we jump into it. I am here to tell you THERE IS A WAY OUT OF THAT PIT! If you choose to wallow....well, that's your thing. You're missing the good stuff. The pit doesn't always look like one, but it is ALWAYS quicksand.

We've chosen to love each other. And by default, we've chosen to get out of the pit the Something put us in. I'm trying. I really am. Somedays, it's really hard.

I know that He has not forsaken me. I know that He has a plan and that by this time next year we will be a restoration story so amazing it will have to be told. I believe He will have us share the Something, we're just not there yet. Until then....please know that life and marriage is full of good, bad and ugly things. It's full of amazing, scary and wonderful things. It's full of Somethings and somethings. Sometimes, it's full of nothing.

God has continuously told me not to pretend. So, here I am...not pretending. He loves you, dear one. Where ever you are, whatever you're doing. If you're in a pit or not....He is for you. Reach out for Him, He's waiting to hold your hand. And that is very, very GOOD!