2012

Welcome 2012! Quoting a friend:"As much as there is chaos, there is happiness. Thanks God for balanced blessings."
This really struck me. I started thinking about all the chaos that has been in my life. Started thinking about the chaos that also brings happiness. 2011 brought it's share of hardships. Brought it's share of tears, heart break and sorrows. And for a while that is what I focused on. The sorrow. The "woe is me" aspect of things going on in my life. I think I was a walking billboard for all the things that I felt were wrong. I wore sadness like it was a cloak, stress like a backpack and anger like a simmering fire. It wasn't intentional. All of a sudden, it started raining in my life. Matty got downsized, the girls got their hearts broken and broke a few hearts. Our marriage took a hit when Matty's job got downsized. I started worrying so much about finances that I forgot to enjoy life. I started worrying about everything. The girls' husbands, college money, college, SATs, Matty's job, Murphy. EVERYTHING! My shoulders were so hunched, and if a friend asked how I was I hesitated to answer. I felt like I was in a river of sorrow.

I realized a few years ago that worry is a sin. And just this week, God reminded me that I was still partaking of that sin. He reminded me to enjoy TODAY. Every today that comes, I need to enjoy it. Truly the tomorrows will take care of themselves. Slowly, I've been coming out of my "2011 Slump". We have some friends whose sorrows are much. They are facing a sadness that I can not comprehend. Yet through it, they are praising and praying. I am sure they are crying, sure they are afraid. I'm even willing to bet that they are a little angry. (if not, my apologies) But you know, it's ok to be mad. God knows the heart, He would rather you yell at him than not. I find that when I do yell at Him, my yelling turns to praise. While I was worrying, I put up a shield. Tried to block it all, pretend I was alright. You know what? I could fool myself, my family and friends....but not God. The grand thing is He knew where I was the whole time. He knew my worries, my heart and my thoughts. And He loved me through it.

I feel so selfish for worrying about everything we have had happen when there is so much more that others face. Yet, this is my story.....and these things that happen are important to me...to my family. I am valid to the Lord....and valuable. With the slumps, there has been laughter. We have loved eachother, laughed together, grown and been joyful. Living with this many girls....well, it's always a party at my house. I wasn't "Eeyore" every second....just when I let it overwhelm me. I know this isn't the last time I will swim in the "river of sorrow"....but at least I have a life preserver. Without Him, I would surely drown.

So goodbye 2011. Welcome 2012....a brand new year full of all new possibilities, triumphs and joys. May your new year be filled with laughter and adventure...I know mine will be. And no matter if the adventure is joy filled or sorrowful, I will look to the Lord. His will be done.