Knowing Me

Do you know me? Perhaps. Or maybe not. If we were to just meet and you'd never seen or read anything about me....who would I be to you? Would you define me by my clothes, who's mom I am and what my husband does? Maybe even what church I go to. Life doesn't have to be that....

How often I look around and watch people. Wondering what they're thinking, what their life story is. Who has what, and do I have more than? I start with the obvious. , hair, jewelry. In a millisecond, I can take in what a person is wearing and driving. I can decide if I will like someone or if I want them to like me. In my head, I figure out if it's worthwhile or not to talk. Those that I deem "high above" I stay away from. There are just certain people that intimidate me. I always try to get to Sunday School early so I can find a place to sit. Go in late and everyone looks at you and there isn't any space. I hate that.

I talk some of insecurity on here. Mine. And that's because it exists. And sometimes dictates my life. I figure if I'm sizing people up, someone must be sizing ME up. When I share my life as a former "letter A", I never do it without fear. For the most part I share only when God prompts. And He has prompted. Hence the blog. However, there has been one time I shared and that someone put me in a box. And I let them. I allowed the box flaps to close and the packing tape to seal me up. Really it was the enemy....amazing how quickly I jumped back into his lair, allowing him to beat me with a stick. I was a (wait for it) pinata. :D

I didn't like that much. After a tearful (on my end) confrontation, the other party admitted that being in a similar situation had indeed put me in the same box as the one who caused offense to her. The idea was that we must have been the same. Truthfully, I do not subscribe to that belief. The decisions I have made in my life have been mine. I am not like that guy or the other one. People make choices for various reasons....mine is different from yours. The reason I lie is not necessarily the reason you lie. (you know you do)

The biggest thing I took away from this experience.....reminded that there is One who knows me. And no matter how often the mire of muck that is my past tries to suck me in , I DON'T HAVE TO LET IT. I am forgiven and if He doesn't remember why should I allow someone to ship me off to the remote island of shame?! I am a success story of God's grace and love. I am His. And no matter how many times I say (and you read it), there is such freedom in belonging to Him.

I have shared my story willingly and openly with the cyber world. I don't know who reads my posts, don't know how many. And honestly, I don't write for the honor. I write for God. He is the One who knows me...designed and built by Him.