Worthy

I see my children. I see how amazing and beautiful and talented they are. i see their insecurities, their aching hearts and their swollen eyes from hidden tears. I see how much they want to belong with the "right" people. I've seen those "right" people tolerate my child, I've seen them avoid my child, I've seen them placate and pretend around my child. I've seen my child LONG to just be included, to be wanted, to feel like she is worthy.
I remember wanting those same things. I remember sitting alone at lunch, reading a book so I would look busy. Yet inside I was longing to be accepted, to have someone call my name and ask me to sit with them. I wanted so badly to be a part of something I believed was so grand. It never happened. The only attention I got was male and we all know how that ended up. I wanted to be accepted and have friendship with the girls. I wanted to go places on weekends, get rides home and be able to talk about the same thinks everyone else was talking about. I didn't want to be lonely.
I tell the child/ren that the rest of life isn't like high school. That the things that matter now, won't in a few years. That friendship takes time to build and high school isn't the place to build it. Those friendships that survive are the exception. Not the rule. However, I am still lonely. I am still waiting for people to ask me over. Still waiting to be "accepted". Entering into a new social setting is hard for me. I am never sure if it's my perception or if there is truth in my thoughts. I want to be wanted....
God has blessed me with a few very good friends. And I am thankful. I need to lead by example with this child. I'm just not sure how. My heart hurts for her, aches all the time because I see the sadness behind her eyes. She is so amazing, so gifted and so beautiful. She is such a marvelous creation. God has plans for her that I can't even fathom....plans for her good. My sorrow has always been in their loneliness. I remember so well that subtle pain that took root in my heart when I was lonely. It breaks my heart to think of them hurting. Breaks my heart to think of them trying so hard to be worthy when they don't have to try at all. The people they are trying to be worthy for will not matter in 2 years. They will grow up, lead their lives and have children (if God so blesses them). These daughters were born worthy to be princesses. They were created by His hand, breathed to life by the King. They have no need to look for acceptance when the One who loves them is the Lord. I so want them to KNOW this. To grasp it and not let go. To remember that there is never a reason to be lonely when you are in the company of your Father....and He is holding your hand. He will not let you fall, child. He will not let you go.


If you've been on either side of the table, remember that God loves us all the same. We are the same, you and I. Created and loved, all for a purpose.