Yes, you read that right. That's how my life has been. Just when i feel like it's all going right...WHAM! I'm flipped upside down. Sometimes even backwards.
So....everything was better. Matty and I were coasting along, restoring our marriage when we suddenly started fighting again. Not anything major, his intentions weren't meeting my expectations. I didn't like that one bit. Que the arguing. One night, after he'd worked a very long day, I decided to address such subject. Holy cow....some things were said. I believed all those things he said. It was a terrible night. Tears, sorrow, the cavalry was called in. Where are we now?? Well, we are certainly NEVER going back to that night again. We promptly made a promise to each other to NEVER allow a night like that again. He promised he would never say such things again and I have promised to try and believe him more. It's hard though...because even though he didn't mean the things he said, he said them. And they're in my head.
I started thinking about how we travel through life,right side up, our minds full of our own selves. How we worry, scurry and wander around figuring out the best way to "do" life. When something out of the (seemingly) blue happens, we're blindsided. Upside down and surprised. We think we're doing it all "right". How very wrong we are. I'm not saying we're NOT living right, not saying we're NOT being obedient. I'm saying that just because we think it's right doesn't mean it IS.
Obviously, in my marriage, there was more that needed to be talked about. More that needed to be brought out into the open. It hurt, though. I think that's why we ignored the things that were building up again. It wasn't an intentional build up, it was built out of platitude. We wanted to keep the peace, so why talk about anything??? Good golly! How often I approach life that way! Thinking why rock the boat if I don't have to?
HAH! I appear to be a boat rocker....but I'm really not. Yes, I say it like it is. Yes, I'm loud. Yes, I'm honest. Those are all traits God gave me, traits I use when He says to. (Except the loud part...I'm working on that)This may appear to be my forte, writing about my entire life....shoving it at your reading self. But really, I wouldn't do this if I had a choice. Every entry is prayed over, words tumble under my fingers and suddenly my right side up self is upside down and vulnerable before you.
He reminds me that upside down is good. Reminds me that I may not like the shaking and the flipping of my world, but that's okay. He's got me, and nothing will happen to me that He hasn't allowed. That does NOT mean that my life will run smoothly, peachy keen and suddenly like a musical. It means that even with the icky stuff, He is beside me. It means that even with the things I don't understand, He is holding me. It means that even with the things that I believed that aren't true, He is there to show me truth. Once upon a time, when I lived in a pit and ate with pigs, I knew He was there. I knew He hadn't left me. I knew I had fallen into the mud and muck and chosen to stay there. I had no excuse for my actions other than I wanted to be there. Here's the thing: He loved me all the time. He has always been for me.
Matty and I needed to approach things differently. We needed to stop coasting and really start living. We have since sat down and created a contract, a marriage contract if you will. As it will be framed and put on our wall, I will share it with you one day. God allowed us to be upside down for a moment so that we could see things differently. I'm sure it's not the last time, not the end of arguing or hurt feelings. We're married, people! Those things happen. We are going to be attacking that stuff together, even when we don't feel like it. Most importantly, He'll be right in the middle of us. Fighting for us, loving us and guiding us.
Right side up is good for a lot of things, Upside down is best to see things differently. Either way, lean on Him. His arms are wide, His hold secure.
Love you.
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