DISCLAIMER:This contains sensitive opinion about SEX
There is a movie coming out. One that has sparked so much controversy, so much sorrow....so much lust and has given the very wrong impression of love. You all know what I'm talking about. That Grey movie. The book/movie stays far from what God intended sex to be....a gift for marriage. I believe it glorifies a sexual appetite that has no confines, no boundaries and no love.
To begin, I have NOT (repeat NOT) read the book. Also, I will NOT be going to see the movie. I will, however, be addressing something I have read in response to the movie.
This movie has ignited all sorts of response. Born again believers have spoken out harshly, the not so much believing shrug it off and others (believing and non) will go see it, pretending they wouldn't dare. I've read article upon article, blog upon blog. I read one that was a letter to a daughter. So much of it was on point....some I didn't agree with. One point had to do with behavior in sex and how some things don't "fit" inside marital sex. That is what I don't agree with. Read on to find out why.
Where I'm going to land:God created sex as a gift for a married couple. Outside the obvious NO WAY stuff, (pornography, other people) inside marriage, there should be agreement (boundaries), there should be joy and FUN. It should be FULL of love. My personal belief is that if the husband and wife are in agreement, anything goes. What that anything is is OUR business...your anything is YOUR business. No one can tell you what is right, what is wrong and how to love on your spouse. God intended my marriage bed to be my own. He set some very firm rules for intimacy , very easily obeyed laws. I believe that as long as you are obeying those rules, ANYTHING goes. God intended intimacy to be enjoyed by a husband and wife and that there is freedom in that. This movie/book and it's heroine and hero (terms used loosely) are solidifying the worlds idea that sex is anyone's for the taking, without love....without marriage.
Where the book/movie goes wrong is belittling what God's gift is. It has created a false sense of pleasure, a facade that sex without marriage is No Big Deal. That intimacy can contain abuse and be pleasurable. I don't agree that abuse is alright, pretty sure that takes away the gift part. This movie/book has created a frenzy in women. It's been termed "mommy porn". It is creating the idea that women want to be used as toys, that innocence isn't worth keeping. It's creating a hero out of man that is just a broken and stuck little boy. It has taken what should be a married couples gift and turned it into nothing.
We have always been open and honest with our girls about sex. We have tried desperately to remind them of their value and worth to God, remind them that they are His beloved. We have tried to answer questions openly and relay our own experiences and the sorrows we've had. We've always taught them the difference between the physical experiences and the emotional ones. To just say "Because God says so" doesn't always cut it. We've learned to elaborate, learned to speak from the heart. We've prayed over them, we've prayed about what to tell them. We've done our best to honor Him when we teach. What we've taught our girls:Sex outside marriage is physically the same as inside marriage. The physical sensation is the same, the hormones flow. The difference??.....outside marriage comes with sorrow and shame. Self esteem takes a hit, there is always the option of just walking away and no matter how it may FEEL like love, it isn't. Outside marriage, sex is not freeing. It keeps your heart in shambles and your emotions used up. Inside marriage there should be no condemnation, no sorrow and no shame. I do know that sometimes, even in marriage, there is sorrow. I know that for some, it's a shameful thing...their love doesn't treat them as such. My heart sorrows for them. That is not how God intended.
I think I could go on and on with this. So many see sex as shameful. Even those that are married. My goal with this is to remind you all that it IS a gift. How you unwrap it is yours to decide.
It's not black and white....sometimes, it's a bit gray. (HA...see what I did there???!)
Ps....if you ever want to know how I REALLY feel, ask to see the sign above my bed. ;)
An alternative to that movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMpEY67fqoQ
I do not own the rights to this video or the movie itself, or anyone in the trailer.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Rightside Up-side down
Yes, you read that right. That's how my life has been. Just when i feel like it's all going right...WHAM! I'm flipped upside down. Sometimes even backwards.
So....everything was better. Matty and I were coasting along, restoring our marriage when we suddenly started fighting again. Not anything major, his intentions weren't meeting my expectations. I didn't like that one bit. Que the arguing. One night, after he'd worked a very long day, I decided to address such subject. Holy cow....some things were said. I believed all those things he said. It was a terrible night. Tears, sorrow, the cavalry was called in. Where are we now?? Well, we are certainly NEVER going back to that night again. We promptly made a promise to each other to NEVER allow a night like that again. He promised he would never say such things again and I have promised to try and believe him more. It's hard though...because even though he didn't mean the things he said, he said them. And they're in my head.
I started thinking about how we travel through life,right side up, our minds full of our own selves. How we worry, scurry and wander around figuring out the best way to "do" life. When something out of the (seemingly) blue happens, we're blindsided. Upside down and surprised. We think we're doing it all "right". How very wrong we are. I'm not saying we're NOT living right, not saying we're NOT being obedient. I'm saying that just because we think it's right doesn't mean it IS.
Obviously, in my marriage, there was more that needed to be talked about. More that needed to be brought out into the open. It hurt, though. I think that's why we ignored the things that were building up again. It wasn't an intentional build up, it was built out of platitude. We wanted to keep the peace, so why talk about anything??? Good golly! How often I approach life that way! Thinking why rock the boat if I don't have to?
HAH! I appear to be a boat rocker....but I'm really not. Yes, I say it like it is. Yes, I'm loud. Yes, I'm honest. Those are all traits God gave me, traits I use when He says to. (Except the loud part...I'm working on that)This may appear to be my forte, writing about my entire life....shoving it at your reading self. But really, I wouldn't do this if I had a choice. Every entry is prayed over, words tumble under my fingers and suddenly my right side up self is upside down and vulnerable before you.
He reminds me that upside down is good. Reminds me that I may not like the shaking and the flipping of my world, but that's okay. He's got me, and nothing will happen to me that He hasn't allowed. That does NOT mean that my life will run smoothly, peachy keen and suddenly like a musical. It means that even with the icky stuff, He is beside me. It means that even with the things I don't understand, He is holding me. It means that even with the things that I believed that aren't true, He is there to show me truth. Once upon a time, when I lived in a pit and ate with pigs, I knew He was there. I knew He hadn't left me. I knew I had fallen into the mud and muck and chosen to stay there. I had no excuse for my actions other than I wanted to be there. Here's the thing: He loved me all the time. He has always been for me.
Matty and I needed to approach things differently. We needed to stop coasting and really start living. We have since sat down and created a contract, a marriage contract if you will. As it will be framed and put on our wall, I will share it with you one day. God allowed us to be upside down for a moment so that we could see things differently. I'm sure it's not the last time, not the end of arguing or hurt feelings. We're married, people! Those things happen. We are going to be attacking that stuff together, even when we don't feel like it. Most importantly, He'll be right in the middle of us. Fighting for us, loving us and guiding us.
Right side up is good for a lot of things, Upside down is best to see things differently. Either way, lean on Him. His arms are wide, His hold secure.
So....everything was better. Matty and I were coasting along, restoring our marriage when we suddenly started fighting again. Not anything major, his intentions weren't meeting my expectations. I didn't like that one bit. Que the arguing. One night, after he'd worked a very long day, I decided to address such subject. Holy cow....some things were said. I believed all those things he said. It was a terrible night. Tears, sorrow, the cavalry was called in. Where are we now?? Well, we are certainly NEVER going back to that night again. We promptly made a promise to each other to NEVER allow a night like that again. He promised he would never say such things again and I have promised to try and believe him more. It's hard though...because even though he didn't mean the things he said, he said them. And they're in my head.
I started thinking about how we travel through life,right side up, our minds full of our own selves. How we worry, scurry and wander around figuring out the best way to "do" life. When something out of the (seemingly) blue happens, we're blindsided. Upside down and surprised. We think we're doing it all "right". How very wrong we are. I'm not saying we're NOT living right, not saying we're NOT being obedient. I'm saying that just because we think it's right doesn't mean it IS.
Obviously, in my marriage, there was more that needed to be talked about. More that needed to be brought out into the open. It hurt, though. I think that's why we ignored the things that were building up again. It wasn't an intentional build up, it was built out of platitude. We wanted to keep the peace, so why talk about anything??? Good golly! How often I approach life that way! Thinking why rock the boat if I don't have to?
HAH! I appear to be a boat rocker....but I'm really not. Yes, I say it like it is. Yes, I'm loud. Yes, I'm honest. Those are all traits God gave me, traits I use when He says to. (Except the loud part...I'm working on that)This may appear to be my forte, writing about my entire life....shoving it at your reading self. But really, I wouldn't do this if I had a choice. Every entry is prayed over, words tumble under my fingers and suddenly my right side up self is upside down and vulnerable before you.
He reminds me that upside down is good. Reminds me that I may not like the shaking and the flipping of my world, but that's okay. He's got me, and nothing will happen to me that He hasn't allowed. That does NOT mean that my life will run smoothly, peachy keen and suddenly like a musical. It means that even with the icky stuff, He is beside me. It means that even with the things I don't understand, He is holding me. It means that even with the things that I believed that aren't true, He is there to show me truth. Once upon a time, when I lived in a pit and ate with pigs, I knew He was there. I knew He hadn't left me. I knew I had fallen into the mud and muck and chosen to stay there. I had no excuse for my actions other than I wanted to be there. Here's the thing: He loved me all the time. He has always been for me.
Matty and I needed to approach things differently. We needed to stop coasting and really start living. We have since sat down and created a contract, a marriage contract if you will. As it will be framed and put on our wall, I will share it with you one day. God allowed us to be upside down for a moment so that we could see things differently. I'm sure it's not the last time, not the end of arguing or hurt feelings. We're married, people! Those things happen. We are going to be attacking that stuff together, even when we don't feel like it. Most importantly, He'll be right in the middle of us. Fighting for us, loving us and guiding us.
Right side up is good for a lot of things, Upside down is best to see things differently. Either way, lean on Him. His arms are wide, His hold secure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)