Identitiy

Not a super long word, or majorly impactful. But oh so full of meaning. A person's identity is something to cherish, celebrate and build up. Something to grow, learn about and nurture.

Today, mine took a hit. Literally, someone told me to "go seek God, read the bible and your (my) wrongdoings would be revealed." Instantly, I was taken back over 14 years. I was suddenly in that pit that God has so graciously lifted me out of. I felt like I was climbing the walls, stuck in mud. I cried all day. I wracked my brain, I prayed incessantly, cried some more and tried desperately to figure it out. About mid evening, as I laid on my bed (emotionally drained), God spoke.

He told me it wasn't me. Whatever was happening, wasn't because of me. I was freed. I know, at this point, that I'm good. I am not that mud bound, stuck woman. I am saved by grace. His grace, His undeserved favor. I was reminded, like I so often remind you all, that He is bigger than this. He sees, He knows and He's in control.

I recognize that while involved in a situation, I am not the cause of the sorrow. That is something different. Am I saying I have no fault, no responsibility? Nope. I've owned up to it. This new thing, however, is not mine to take....no matter how much someone wants to give it to me. There is something amazing about the Lord freeing me.

There is still sorrow, there is still confusion. I'm still not sure what caused my identity to come into question. I asked for answers...I got none. (at least not from the humans) I prayed for answers and clarity. I got it. It wasn't me. So I will take joy in that. I will pray for the situation at hand, and I will search Him out in all things. There may never be complete healing. I just need to know that I. AM. HIS.

I hope this isn't the end of this particular story. My love is deep and it doesn't end because someone else decides it should. Amazingly, His is much stronger. I am amazed and loved.

My identity is not wrapped up into today's sorrow, and yesterday's sins. My identity is defined by Him. In the very beginning, He created me. Knit me together. Who are they to decide I am less than...to decide how I should identify myself?? They are no one. He is everything.

If He is for me, then who could stand against?