The Unseen

Welcome 2014! Not sure what happened to your predecessor, but I'm happy to see you! 2013 was a hard year. It was a year of "The Unseen".

I left my husband last year.

It started out innocently enough. I got mad over some small thing. A small piece of my heart closed off. Then something else happened and the unseen wall got bigger and stronger. Before I realized it, I had 'left' Matty. We were two people just sharing space. I felt as though I shouldered every emotional boulder that came our way. In reality, I did. He has a tendency to let me take control. And I take it. If someone hands me the reigns, I run with the horse.

My husband left me last year.

I'm sure it started out innocently enough. He would compliment me and I would shrug it off. When I feel bad about myself, nothing anyone says gets through. He no longer felt validated. His unseen barrier grew taller and thicker.

Whether we loved each other or not wasn't the issue. It was whether or not we could find our ways past the things that held us apart. I always love Matty and I believe he always loves me. This unseen sorrow became seen one day early in December. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I know my husband is a good man, a good provider and a good father. He stopped being a good husband. I didn't know how to be a good wife anymore. Or even if I wanted to.

I won't dishonor our marriage by giving intimate details of what happened. I will say that there was no infidelity on either side, no 'other' people. We have taken counsel with our pastor. Things were better....then they got worse.

In this worse, both of us crying, we decided that our marriage was worth it. We never really entertained the idea of it not being worth it. We felt as though if we didn't openly and honestly commit to each other and our marriage, then "The Unseen" would just get bigger, bolder and scarier. Everything was laid out on the table, our hearts exposed, our sorrow palatable.

There are things that will change. Things that have been prayed about and sorrowfully admitted. Things that will make a difference.

Being brutally honest: Our marriage was saved by God. This is the marriage that God has blessed, this is the marriage that God desires to continue. The things we think are "Unseen"....well He sees them all. He allows them to come to light, no matter the sorrow that comes with. God is good, even when the world falls apart. God is great, even when you're so broken you think there is nothing that will help. His presence is a balm to the blistered flesh of my soul. His healing comes in waves, soothing the broken, bitter pieces. He has put us together. Our hearts are knit firmly.

We left each other last year. It was Unseen by the world, but seen by God. It wasn't physical, but emotional. When it seems there is no hope and you're broken into a million pieces, take heart. He sees and will restore what's been harmed. He reminded us that we need to be behind a wall together. That our marriage needs a fence around it to protect it. We need to be tended to...by each other. While I know that we'll probably slip up sometimes, we have both promised to talk first....keep each other in the "loop".

I love my husband. My husband loves me. That was never the problem. Guard your heart, beloved. Don't let the enemy con you into thinking you're safe. You're never safe with out consistent prayer and God's hand in your life....and in your marriage. Don't let the unseen foxes in.

I felt this was the right way to ring in the New Year. Admitting the old one was kind of sucky. God is all about grace, new beginnings and love. Let Him wash over you, let Him be your beginning.

Happy 2014, everyone. Have wonderful adventures!