Tidal Wave

That's how it came over me: the realization that next week at church there would be one less daughter sitting in our row. Not that she sat with us often (usually with the other youth), but STILL! The tidal wave of truth hit....another one was leaving our home.....and I haven't stopped crying. At least not on the inside.


This Juliet....oh how I love her. She was an incredibly happy baby (laughed at walls) and a VERY dramatic teenager....still is. I know she is going to do UH-Mazing at college and I know she has to learn how to function without us coddling her. But, please....just another few weeks/months/years?!

I didn't expect to feel this way. I figure the more you have the easier it gets, right? I think I could be wrong. I have 3 in a row....how will I survive it?

And I am reminded....she is His. He created her for His purpose, His glory, His plan. He simply allowed us to raise her. And, oh, I have wondered why He thought I would be a good mother to her?! He must see something in me, and for that I am thankful. My life would not be the same without her to have held.

Another wave hit: This one, the realization that He loves ME more than I could ever love her. And I love her ALOT. And even though I have veered so far off the path He designed just for me, He has loved me. When I was so far in a pit, with the pigs....He loved me. In fact....He created me. ON PURPOSE. That is one wave I will ride to the shore.

He calls me to love her. I can do that. But I don't have to like her leaving. Because regardless of it all, it's a new configuration of our family. I know that as time goes on, a new normal will emerge and life will settle into a pattern. The puzzle will shift and the pieces will move....and we will survive this, together, with God's grace and love. As the man who preached today said....praise Him in all times. (that's what I heard)

Tidal waves are scary, tumultuous and wild. I will hold my breath and stand firm...

if you see me, hug me. i'm gonna need it.