My Olden days

Tonight, the Little Bit said a typewriter was from "the olden days". And just the other day, one of the girls said 80's music was "oldies". I was APPALLED! I used to use a typewriter and it's no secret that I LOVE Duran Duran. ( :p to my friend...you know who you are!) This whole conversation got me thinking about my parents. My mom is a bit kooky. A bit of an odd duck. I swore when I was younger, before I had children, that she would never be allowed to speak to my kids. The darndest things come out of that woman's mouth. Once, she asked me if anyone thought I was ugly. I didn't quite know how to answer that one.

I realize that my experience growing up was one a bit different than others. Once you get past all the stuff they wouldn't want me to say (which I am not saying), you get to the part where we were poor. All my clothes came from Goodwill...before it was in style to buy clothing at thrift stores. And when I did get "in style" clothing, they weren't even the right style! (stirrup pants, mom) That made it harder in high school. But I plugged along. Pegged my jeans, cut my sweatshirts and wore skin tight, super short skirts. Anyone who grew up in the 80's knows EXACTLY the style I'm talking about. AND...I rocked my L.A. Gears. With slouch socks.

We owned a pizza place. My dad hunted for our food. Found it on our table once when I got home from school....splayed open and being cut up. Blech! No telephone until I was 13! Can you imagine?! And then it was a PARTY LINE! We lived off well water....and it collected bugs. We had a chicken that rode in our car and my alarm clock was a giant collie named Lazer. I had to chop firewood....and bring it in. (yuck) I went to elementary school where there were 2 grades per room. 8 kids in my 6th grade class. I swore I would never, EVER, live in a town that tiny. Everyone knew everything about everyone before it happened.

We moved around alot until I was 11. Our home base had always been the little house on Cedar Creek Road. It's still there. My dad shoveled stairs out of dirt for me to climb up an embankment. Our dog Sheba is buried there. And more than half the people who lived on that road still live there. Once we had a dog named Toss-Up. My dad had to shoot her because she was chasing down sheep. Shot her right in the head. Buried her. 2 days later she came trotting back to the house. Never went near my dad. Didn't have any odd issues either. If you don't believe me, ask my parents. It's all true.

We had some bad times....arguments, fighting, not enough food. Only wood heat, no carpet. Yet, I do remember all the good times. My mom once wrapped all our Christmas gifts and put them into giant boxes. When we opened the giant box, all these presents were in them. I felt like I had hit the mother lode. Found out, years later, that she did that so we wouldn't realize how little we'd actually gotten. I remember food fights in the house, the water fights that followed. Sleepovers. Making dinner for my parents. Babysitting my sister. (eesh) Our giant picture windows. And all the trees. And the rain....I do miss the rain. It was hard, growing up that way. People scoff, but I hated it. I miss our pizza (yummier than the best pizza you can think of), but I don't miss that kind of living. So when my kiddos talk about the "olden days", my mind goes back to Cottage Grove. Some good, some bad. And I wonder....what will their "olden days" be? Where will their minds go? I hope to our little house, always brimming with teenagers. I hope they will remember Christmas mornings like this years, when they realized that most of my presents were in a Wal-Mart bag under Emily's bed....or last years with the great Nyquil debacle. I hope they remember when "spiders came to play" and how I decorated the house with them...so many pictures! I'm sure they won't all be great memories...but I'm trying my best.


FYI: I do NOT eat game meat of any kind. After growing up on it....well, I just can't. I do, however, listen to Duran Duran whenever I can. Just remember, God is good all the time, and ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!

Knowing Me

Do you know me? Perhaps. Or maybe not. If we were to just meet and you'd never seen or read anything about me....who would I be to you? Would you define me by my clothes, who's mom I am and what my husband does? Maybe even what church I go to. Life doesn't have to be that....

How often I look around and watch people. Wondering what they're thinking, what their life story is. Who has what, and do I have more than? I start with the obvious. , hair, jewelry. In a millisecond, I can take in what a person is wearing and driving. I can decide if I will like someone or if I want them to like me. In my head, I figure out if it's worthwhile or not to talk. Those that I deem "high above" I stay away from. There are just certain people that intimidate me. I always try to get to Sunday School early so I can find a place to sit. Go in late and everyone looks at you and there isn't any space. I hate that.

I talk some of insecurity on here. Mine. And that's because it exists. And sometimes dictates my life. I figure if I'm sizing people up, someone must be sizing ME up. When I share my life as a former "letter A", I never do it without fear. For the most part I share only when God prompts. And He has prompted. Hence the blog. However, there has been one time I shared and that someone put me in a box. And I let them. I allowed the box flaps to close and the packing tape to seal me up. Really it was the enemy....amazing how quickly I jumped back into his lair, allowing him to beat me with a stick. I was a (wait for it) pinata. :D

I didn't like that much. After a tearful (on my end) confrontation, the other party admitted that being in a similar situation had indeed put me in the same box as the one who caused offense to her. The idea was that we must have been the same. Truthfully, I do not subscribe to that belief. The decisions I have made in my life have been mine. I am not like that guy or the other one. People make choices for various reasons....mine is different from yours. The reason I lie is not necessarily the reason you lie. (you know you do)

The biggest thing I took away from this experience.....reminded that there is One who knows me. And no matter how often the mire of muck that is my past tries to suck me in , I DON'T HAVE TO LET IT. I am forgiven and if He doesn't remember why should I allow someone to ship me off to the remote island of shame?! I am a success story of God's grace and love. I am His. And no matter how many times I say (and you read it), there is such freedom in belonging to Him.

I have shared my story willingly and openly with the cyber world. I don't know who reads my posts, don't know how many. And honestly, I don't write for the honor. I write for God. He is the One who knows me...designed and built by Him.

2012

Welcome 2012! Quoting a friend:"As much as there is chaos, there is happiness. Thanks God for balanced blessings."
This really struck me. I started thinking about all the chaos that has been in my life. Started thinking about the chaos that also brings happiness. 2011 brought it's share of hardships. Brought it's share of tears, heart break and sorrows. And for a while that is what I focused on. The sorrow. The "woe is me" aspect of things going on in my life. I think I was a walking billboard for all the things that I felt were wrong. I wore sadness like it was a cloak, stress like a backpack and anger like a simmering fire. It wasn't intentional. All of a sudden, it started raining in my life. Matty got downsized, the girls got their hearts broken and broke a few hearts. Our marriage took a hit when Matty's job got downsized. I started worrying so much about finances that I forgot to enjoy life. I started worrying about everything. The girls' husbands, college money, college, SATs, Matty's job, Murphy. EVERYTHING! My shoulders were so hunched, and if a friend asked how I was I hesitated to answer. I felt like I was in a river of sorrow.

I realized a few years ago that worry is a sin. And just this week, God reminded me that I was still partaking of that sin. He reminded me to enjoy TODAY. Every today that comes, I need to enjoy it. Truly the tomorrows will take care of themselves. Slowly, I've been coming out of my "2011 Slump". We have some friends whose sorrows are much. They are facing a sadness that I can not comprehend. Yet through it, they are praising and praying. I am sure they are crying, sure they are afraid. I'm even willing to bet that they are a little angry. (if not, my apologies) But you know, it's ok to be mad. God knows the heart, He would rather you yell at him than not. I find that when I do yell at Him, my yelling turns to praise. While I was worrying, I put up a shield. Tried to block it all, pretend I was alright. You know what? I could fool myself, my family and friends....but not God. The grand thing is He knew where I was the whole time. He knew my worries, my heart and my thoughts. And He loved me through it.

I feel so selfish for worrying about everything we have had happen when there is so much more that others face. Yet, this is my story.....and these things that happen are important to me...to my family. I am valid to the Lord....and valuable. With the slumps, there has been laughter. We have loved eachother, laughed together, grown and been joyful. Living with this many girls....well, it's always a party at my house. I wasn't "Eeyore" every second....just when I let it overwhelm me. I know this isn't the last time I will swim in the "river of sorrow"....but at least I have a life preserver. Without Him, I would surely drown.

So goodbye 2011. Welcome 2012....a brand new year full of all new possibilities, triumphs and joys. May your new year be filled with laughter and adventure...I know mine will be. And no matter if the adventure is joy filled or sorrowful, I will look to the Lord. His will be done.