Lonely in the Crowd

This entry isn't written from a specific view point; rather from a possible "everyone" standpoint.

Slowly, I walk up the stairs. I enter with hesitancy. Will anyone say "Hi" to me today, will they notice me? Or will I slip right by as they chatter, a ghost among the crowd? Will I walk away today feeling like I'm invisible to everyone except my husband and children?

These questions plague me whenever I go where there are people. Church, school events etc. There's an unspoken rule that you don't talk about feeling lonely, that lonely may be YOUR own fault. But what if it's not? What if, instead of thinking that the lonely person should step up, WE stepped up and spoke into their lives???? What if I spoke to someone I don't really know but would like to know better. What if someone I'd always wanted to talk to asked me to coffee?! What if, instead of looking around people as we say "Hi", we look AT them?

We all belong to this really big family. There's hundreds of people in it. Yet, it's so EASY to feel alone, to feel lonely in the crowd. Sometimes, I think we think that someone else is involved....why should we get involved, then?

I try stepping outside my zone. I try stepping into others' lives. I try being a part of the family. Yet...I feel like I'm just outside it, watching all the fun from the outside. Watching as relationships get built and lifelong friendships are forged. And I'm lonely.

It's hard, this being a girl thing. I think as children our confidence is forged. It's an ever changing thing, determined by public response and encouragement or disillusionment. There are good days and bad ones. There are days I feel as though I have strong relationships. I'm not lonely, I'm not wondering what's wrong with me. I'm confident in who I am, confident in the woman God has created me to be. Then there are days where I'm trying too hard to fit. Where my self-esteem is low and I'm wondering why I'm not talked to. Where I question God as to why He created me the way He did.

It's an extreme, being lonely. When you're lonely, everything is bigger. Every invitation someone else gets, every conversation that's not yours, every time someone looks through you. I'm willing to bet everyone has felt this way...even if they won't admit it.

Here's what I have:
When you're lonely in the crowd, remember God is always there. His presence is all encompassing, His love never ending. His arms are wide enough for you, His shoulders big enough for you to cry on. Remember, He has EVERYTHING written. From your birth to your death, He's got this. Every relationship, every cry for friendship, every sorrow, every laugh, every plea to fit in. He sees the loneliness, sees the desire to be loved. He sees YOU. He sees ME. He never looks through me. He never ceases loving me. Never.

When it hits, remember these:

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NAS) "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

1 Samuel 12:22 (NAS) "For the LORD will not abandon His people on account of His great name, because the LORD has been pleased to make you a people for Himself.

Psalm 25:16 (NAS) Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.

Psalm 147:3 (NAS) He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

And if you don't know Him, I encourage you to seek Him out. He sees you, He knows you, He loves you.