The How

I'm not even sure. How does one really get over things that happen? How does a bible believing woman slip up so often and forget that she's already forgiven the very thing that she's complaining about?? How?!

What a word! I get asked 'how' a lot in my daily life. The girls ask me how to do something, my husband asks me how to word something. The How is very important. Yet....I can't seem to get it myself.

I find myself struggling with all the 'hows'. Yes, I've forgiven Matty. Yet....I guess I haven't. I thought I did. But then the 'hows' came up in conversation. As in "How could you (Matty) say....or do.....". And I sit in my unhappy square, struggling with the 'how'.

Funny thing is, I already know HOW. God. He's the 'how'. All through scripture, He is VERY clear. TRUST HIM. We do NOT have to lean upon our own understanding. We don't have to actually answer the HOWs that come up. He is ready and willing to carry all the burdens associated with that tiny, 3 letter word.

Well.

I always amaze myself. I am always amazed at how (HAH!) easily I want to sling those burdens up onto my back. Um, Erin, WHY? Good Golly! I don't even know. Apparently, somewhere down the line, I have decided to believe that I am not important enough for the Almighty to bother with. I have decided that I can do it myself. That's when I get stuck worrying about all the HOWs. He watches and waits; always more than willing to carry them for me. Joyful and sobering all at once.

Tonight, we had a HOW conversation. Those are never pretty. They usually entail me talking a lot, with him nodding and looking a bit glazed. Not sure it's effective. Coming off the heels of this conversation, our Little Bit got sick. That just felt like the icing on a very terrible cake. And I'm sitting here, wondering HOW I'm ever going to survive.

I'll tell you. Grace. It's new every day. His love abounds; knows no limits. There is no HOW to God. He keeps every promise, bottles every tear. I may ask Him HOW...I may even doubt. He will just love me. His arms open wide; His mercy continual.

I don't know HOW other than Him.

He is the reason my marriage is surviving, even with the HOW conversations. He is the reason our girls are growing well and we have food. I don't actually have to know HOW, I just have to trust.

What HOW are you struggling with? There isn't anything He isn't working on. Nothing He isn't seeing. He knows your heart, my heart. He knows HOW. Let Him love you through it!