Drum Roll, Please!

This special edition of my blog brought to you by Christmas!!

Drum Roll, Please!.....

This year has brought numerous changes, much sorrow, great joy and confusing emotions! Thought I'd catch you all up in one fell swoop.

So it begins....

I started this year going to see our new son in law graduate basic training. That was pretty great! I am so thankful to him for his service to our country! March brought Kaily's surprise marriage to Tim. They've been married almost 9 months, have adopted TWO dogs, bought a hedgehog and are figuring out married life along with military life. It's been hard, and she's had to do some major adjusting! Where there used to be 7 people in her consistent world, there is now only 1. While he's cute and she loves him, it can be a bit quiet for her! A bright spot was her flying here to visit in November....

....which brings us to Piper Ann! She was born to Hillary and Jeremy on her "Tee-Tee"'s birthday AKA Aunt Savannah. H and J are settling into having 2 daughters rather roughly. Just very recently they found out that H has blood clots again and will have some choices to make regarding blood thinners and all that jazz. Of course, Piper would get sick at the same time! However, they are great parents and while things are upside down and backwards, they're trying and doing wonderfully! J just started a temp to hire job at a tea company in town so prayerfully that will turn into long term! Of course, Miss Reya-Sunshine continues to be so! She turned 2 in October...she is a wonder and joy to behold! The nieces are much loved by their aunties....

....Auntie Em (our Emily) is a junior at U of I. We are so proud of her! She continues to push forward with her education...now that the boys are off her 'burners', her focus is immensely better! She is on track to graduate next year, but will continue school to become an English teacher. Her ultimate goal is to teach in Japan. We absolutely believe in her and look forward to seeing how God unfolds her adventure! Meanwhile, back in Boise....

.......Chellsei is thriving at BSU. We are a divided household with collegiate loyalty! While C doesn't enjoy every class, she does try her very best! She continues to date that one boy, (you know who you are)they've been together a smidge over a year and still enjoy each other's company. She worked for a few months at a popular burger place and is now working at a new place in town. She prefers this new job...they're closed on Sundays! She still drums in our church worship band. It's a joy to see her worshiping the Lord on Sunday mornings...sometimes, the drums go silent and her arms raise. We are so very proud of the woman she's becoming! Speaking of becoming a woman...

...Savannah is almost one! Holy cow...don't know when that child started looking like a young woman! She is so very beautiful and gracious. She has quite the sense of humor AKA sarcastic and witty. She attends an International school and is LOVING it! She's challenging herself as her new school says you must maintain a 4 or lose credit. Trust me, this isn't as easy as it sounds. She has discovered she likes drama and is trying out for a play with a local playhouse. Her new role in the house is second oldest....quite the change! Her and her little sister struggle some, but for the most part are getting along.....

.....Hello, Harley! Well, our Little Bit is 12! Not sure when that happened, but we are now looking at being empty nesters sooner rather than later! It's a crazy thing! She still attends the small charter school she's been at since 2nd grade and is enjoying it. She's looking forward to MOSS camp next year in the 7th grade. She is a very caring and sweet girl! She was slightly bullied last year (broke our hearts, her sisters took care of it), but this year has been a tremendous improvement! No more bullying! She is very willing to share God's word with anyone around, a light to the world!

This brings us to the parents. Matty and I. We've been pretty well chronicled, so I won't go more into it. I will say that how our year started is no where near how our year is ending. God is so good and has allowed us restoration, given us wisdom and solidified our commitment to each other. I will also say that it is purely God's grace. Without it, we'd be nowhere fast!

I look back at our year and I see my mistakes. I see Matty's mistakes. I see lost moments, joy stolen and tears cried. I see laughter, relief, restoration and healing. I see love...taken and given. I see growth in our daughters. I see growth in me and Matty. I see grace.

Without this year, we may have continued on building our walls without recognizing them as such. We may have continued to grow desperately apart. We may have been good parents, but we wouldn't have been good husband/wife. I am so thankful for the chance to be a good wife to a good husband!

Celebrating Christmas is a way of celebrating our accomplishments this year. Christmas may be about Jesus' birth, but to me it's about how a baby was born to die so I could live. A baby who would take it all. There is no way we would've survived this year without Him. I am so very glad He was born....so very glad He loved me enough to die.

Merry Christmas, friends. Don't ever forget to celebrate and don't forget the drum roll!

PS: Murphy is still a wonderdog, Whisper is still very lick-y. They're both crazy.

The Gift of Intentional Presence

That's me. My (early) New Year's resolution is going to be intentional presence. I want to be there for our daughters, for my family, for friends and most importantly for my husband.

I find myself at a distance. I'm standing outside circles, wishing I was in them. I'm watching happiness and not claiming any for myself. I'm dreaming of better times and not creating them. That was me....but not for a bit.

Happiness is mine. It's in the laughter of our family as we play games, watch movies and talk. It's in prayer with friends, decorating with family and sharing meals will all aforementioned. Yet...I was letting it slip by. Caught up in the drama of my heart, I forgot to be happy. I forgot to allow God's presence wash me in joy. Not anymore. I'm claiming it.

The circles I stand outside of are sometimes my making, sometimes others have created them. I can't do anything about those ones. I found myself frustrated. Frustrated by the feeling of "outside looking in". Social events have come and gone, I haven't been invited. It's hard, when you feel like you're supposed to be part of a 'family'.....yet you feel like you're really not part of anything. I felt like I was sinking, pouring my heart out often to those around me (in this forum) and no one approached to pray with me, or even to say they loved me. But maybe, just maybe, they weren't sure how to. I know I'm not the only to ever feel this way...about these things. I'm scared putting this out there, but trusting God with my heart. The circles of my creation? Well, I'm going to smudge those lines. I'm going to be bold, try not to be scary and pray God will open up some fabulous relationships! Disclaimer: I was NOT sitting at home thinking "Woe is poor, friendless me!"...I have some very good friends I've cried with and to and have certainly been loved through this. I guess I was just wanting....

I've allowed my sorrow of sorrows to color my world. It's been a hard road, this Matty and I thing. We traveled along smoothly for 10 years and out of nowhere a mountain sprang up. We couldn't go around it anymore, we'd done that for 4 years. We were getting nowhere. I would imagine in my head certain scenarios and with the intent to play them out, I would go forward into my day. Imagine my surprise when it didn't exactly work out that way. I would get angry, hurt an undertone. In my hurt I would hurt others. My dreams were shattering...why not just let them fall to pieces??! More recently, I've been more cautious with those dreams, I've allowed them to expand and take root. I don't hurt as much. Sometimes, I struggle with trusting....but he's working on it and so am I.

I'm giving those around me the gift of intentional presence. I want to be there for you, too, friend. I don't know you, maybe you don't know me. But I'm praying for you. I'm praying that in the midst of my selfish ramblings, my emotional struggles, my joyful exploits something resonates. I want you to know that God is my inspiration with this blog, He gives the words form. I pray your hearts are open to those around you, that your heart is open to Him. I pray His peace surpass understanding, His love enfolds you heartily. He is always present. I don't have to ask Him, don't have to plead. He is watching over me, bottling my tears and enjoying my joy.

I am going to be intentional. Be intentional with me, friends. Find joy, claim it. Remember that as dark as it looks, He is holding your hand.