People are Friends, Not Playthings

People put other people in "boxes". They tend to look, assess and decide in a split second. And sometimes, they decide it would be fun to "play" with anothers life. I myself am VERY guilty of this. Not in recent years, but certainly as a selfish teen girl.

I used to push my boundaries, test the limits of another persons heart and patience. I would say horrible things, do horribler (HA, my own word) things and watch and see if my house of cards would fall down. When it didn't....well!...look out world, I was unleashed. Looking back, I have so much sorrow over the way I abused boys' hearts, and their trust. As possible, I have sought those boys out and asked forgiveness.

Recently, our colt girl broke someones heart. It was unintentional. However, sadly, this has burned a bridge that won't be built again. Her heart belongs to the far away boy....she tried to forget, to move past the one week this summer and to really appreciate this other boy. Alas, it didn't work. She didn't intend to cause him pain. She just couldn't justify their relationship while she felt that way about someone else.

This boy, the broken heart, he told her to contact him if she ever changed her mind. Sigh. Too much power for our "colt" girl. Ah, the heady rush of power. She holds his heart and emotions in her tiny hands. She could crush him. But she won't. As often as possible, I've reminded them they can not use other people as a means to justify an end. That they can not experiment emotionally with someone else just because that someone gives them the chance.

At some point, they may be the ones taken on the emotional tilt a whirl. They may be flipped upside down, thrown for a loop and taken for a ride. (I'm thinking Disneyland) But, I hope not. I pray not. I know that each daughter will be loved. I know that they will thrive and grow with their spouse. I know that along the way to find that someone they may hurt someone else in the process. I remind them that those others are precious, set aside for someone else. I remind them never to abuse the "power" one may give them. I remind them that "People are friends, not Playthings".

I am forever grateful that there is one who never plays with me. One who loves me unconditionally. One who sees and knows all I've done and all I'll do. I am His, beloved and treasured....in 'blue'.

What is Fair, exactly?

There's a song that says "when a heart breaks, it don't break even". And I believe that. And that is NOT fair. Because it should hurt equally on both sides. I broke hearts when I was a teenager. I remember embarrassing a current boyfriend as I sat with my "ex" at a football game. I actually stood up and very loudly used choice words towards him. And yet, that same boyfriend took me back. So did the "ex". At the same time. One boyfriend in high school, one boyfriend out of high school. Not fair at all.

Our 'colt' girl met someone this summer. It wasn't super amazing or remarkable. There wasn't anything very different about him. He loves the Lord and shows it. For once, our 'colt' girl was settled, her heart calm. I wish I could say it ends happily. But, it doesn't. He had to go home, which is very far away. Our girl was devastated. Unfair, I tell you....to meet someone and have no choice in where they are from.

I don't know how to end this one. My heart hurts for the young ones involved, for the unfairness of it all. For the sorrow...for the fallout that will be. There is much more story, I just can't tell it. Just know that the sorrow is much and it isn't "fair" at all. We can encourage our children to be honest, to tell the truth. We can encourage them to not throw words like "I love you" around. We can encourage them to not avoid things....they tend to think that avoidance is key. And they can pretend that nothing matters. But in the end...that's not fair. Someone will get hurt.

And when a heart breaks, it doesn't break even. Not ever. That is the greatest unfairness of it all....

I Forget

I forget numerous thing. Most notably my phone. And once a child taking a nap. Also, I forget sometimes to pick my kids up. Sometimes, I even pretend to forget things so I won't have to do them.

Recently, I read a blog by someone who opened their heart about their struggle with infertility. I was moved by their honesty, their candid words. And it led to me to remember that I forget.

I forget that there are people who would swap everything they have to have what I have. I forget that the way God has blessed me the richest is a struggle for many. I forget to see these precious gifts as such. I forget so often that each life was created, His plan.

Mostly it's when I've hollered 5 times to "Come down to dinner!", or when I've cleaned every room and given a 'fresh start'....only to find a week later it's like gnomes came through looking for treasures. I forget when grades are bad, when they inform me they have somewhere to be and it starts in 5 minutes. I forget when I'm watching ANOTHER Barbie movie and I just want to smother myself with a pillow.

I remember when I was pregnant with the tall girl. I was at a store and the cashier slowly counted the children with me. At this time, I had a step-son. As she finished counting, her eyes clouded over and she said to me "4 children and you're pregnant. You probably don't even want this one.". I looked at her in shock, quickly finished my transaction and left. My heart hurt, for both of us. After Harley was born, I had a similar experience with another gal. Her and her husband had been trying desperately to have a child. When her husband found out we had 6 daughters, he shoved his wife at me and asked me to "Please, rub off on her.". My heart ached, the sorrow in her eyes so deep, shame radiating from her face. I see it, you know. On other faces. I never know what to say.

I forget that what seemed simple for me is so hard for others. I forget that when we're pinching pennies and "borrowing from Peter to pay Paul" that God has richly blessed us. It's so easy to forget.....so easy to just let myself off the hook for forgetting.

I'm not saying that now everything will be perfect, and suddenly the roses will bloom and unicorns will lolligag around my house. I'm saying that I will be more sensitive, more aware and take more time to just enjoy. Life is still going to happen and things are going to be up and down. But I will not forget that my riches come in the package of girls.

I will remember....

It's a New Year. Full of new possibilities. Full of unknown joys and unknown trials. My resolution is to remember. Remember what, you ask? Well....

I will remember that my husband doesn't think like me. I will try not to expect him to.

I will remember to enjoy the moments that Harley wants to play a game I've played a thousand times. She is only 10 for 8 more months. She reminds me all the time that she will be a "tween" come September. Sigh.

I will remember that first love is sweet....and that certain people only get ONE minute to say goodbye to their boyfriend. After that she will get yanked inside the house.

I will remember to take time to talk to my girls. Slowly, they are moving out of our home and into lives of their own.

I will remember that we raised that one girl with common sense and God. I can't make her make the choices I would....she's already made so many that I never had the sense to make!

I will remember that my body is meant to be strong. I will not get caught up in what I "should" be, but work on who God created me to be.

I will remember that my Matty likes my curves. That's all.

I will remember to be patient with the puppy. Even when I wish Murphy would eat her.

I will remember to laugh at the little things. After all, they really don't matter.

I will remember God's abundant love and provision over 2012. Sometimes, it seemed as though we had been forgotten...but He reminded me that He bottles my tears and was always there.

I will remember to call my friends. And they will remember to call me. And my parents. I will call them.

I will remember to read my bible. His word is a blueprint, a guide and truth.

I will remember to pray. And when I don't, He will remind me.

I will remember to be patient with that one girl. She is changing daily and learning about herself. I forget how hard the transition from "tween" to "teen" is.

I will remember to love my husband...he will love me.

I will remember that my granddaughters mother is not me....she has to learn things by doing. I can't do them all...even though I want to.

I will remember to hug my girls. They're squishable.

Mostly, I will remember that I am His beloved. I will cling to that, bank on it and hold it tight. And if I forget, my tattoo reminds me. In blue.

What will you remember this year?