That's how it came over me: the realization that next week at church there would be one less daughter sitting in our row. Not that she sat with us often (usually with the other youth), but STILL! The tidal wave of truth hit....another one was leaving our home.....and I haven't stopped crying. At least not on the inside.
This Juliet....oh how I love her. She was an incredibly happy baby (laughed at walls) and a VERY dramatic teenager....still is. I know she is going to do UH-Mazing at college and I know she has to learn how to function without us coddling her. But, please....just another few weeks/months/years?!
I didn't expect to feel this way. I figure the more you have the easier it gets, right? I think I could be wrong. I have 3 in a row....how will I survive it?
And I am reminded....she is His. He created her for His purpose, His glory, His plan. He simply allowed us to raise her. And, oh, I have wondered why He thought I would be a good mother to her?! He must see something in me, and for that I am thankful. My life would not be the same without her to have held.
Another wave hit: This one, the realization that He loves ME more than I could ever love her. And I love her ALOT. And even though I have veered so far off the path He designed just for me, He has loved me. When I was so far in a pit, with the pigs....He loved me. In fact....He created me. ON PURPOSE. That is one wave I will ride to the shore.
He calls me to love her. I can do that. But I don't have to like her leaving. Because regardless of it all, it's a new configuration of our family. I know that as time goes on, a new normal will emerge and life will settle into a pattern. The puzzle will shift and the pieces will move....and we will survive this, together, with God's grace and love. As the man who preached today said....praise Him in all times. (that's what I heard)
Tidal waves are scary, tumultuous and wild. I will hold my breath and stand firm...
if you see me, hug me. i'm gonna need it.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
When a Man loves a Woman
We all know what song goes through our heads: Michael Bolton belting out those lyrics. And really, there is nothing good in that song. For heavens sake, it's about a man doing everything for a woman and she doesn't care/notice.
Sometimes, I see that in the girls. There are boys that bend over backward just to get a smile. Boys that fall so in "love" that they put a girl on a pedestal and forget that she is JUST a girl. And this girl, she shies away from that. She's a skittish colt. She hates being "loved". And sometimes, she doesn't care what they do.
We have very specific ideas of what we want for these daughters in a dating relationship. First, we believe in dating. Not the worlds view...but the whole go on dates thing. With different boys. Perhaps even in the same weekend.....daring, huh? We defy one on one relationship. We want these daughters to be pursued, not to do the pursing. We want boys to call them, not them call boys. Any boy that prefers that isn't worth the time.
Please know that I am not supporting using someone. I have told the girls that dating is to get to know someone, to figure out IF you do like someone. I hearken back to a more innocent age, a time when boys respected girls and girls didn't chase boys like they're a prize.
The truth is, when a man loves a woman it's much deeper than the things he buys, the things he does. When a man loves a woman.....
...he sits by her when she throws up
he chooses to love her when she is unlovable
...he builds her a table, even though they have a perfectly acceptable one
he sees her past and doesn't shy away
...he becomes a better man
he lets you change the xbox avatar to a girl (even though it bugs him)
...he listens when she fights with her best friend
he takes her side, even when she's wrong
...he wipes her tears when she's sad/angry/hurt/happy
he lets her go to Disneyland, even without him
The truth is, there is so much more. I watch these boys fumble with what they think "love" is and it hurts. They "love" someone that is in no place to love them. They ask for advice on "how to" with a specific girl, but get angry when the answer comes to them from different people than the object of affection. They put someone behind glass, then don't understand when she tries to break it down. They stand in awe of her.....unable to completely function and then don't understand why she gets upset that he hasn't spoken to her. I just want to yell at them...."OPEN YOUR MOUTH,BOY!".....haven't yet, but be on the lookout.
In conversation with some girls, they were talking about a boy who thinks he's ready to be intimate with his girlfriend. My heart broke. These boys think they have it all together. That they are in control. Truth is, they have none. God has it all. God has written their lives. He knows everything. He knows the heartbreak that will follow intimacy before marriage. He knows the sorrow that will come. One of these girls said "I haven't had sex yet, but I've done things that I'm already bringing into my marriage....and it's heartbreaking". My heart breaks for her.
In closing, the colt girl won't always be that way. Someone will come into her life and she will want to be loved by him. She won't want to run or hide. I know this. I also know that there is no way to stop people from loving her before she's ready. It's crazy growing up in this world, where too much too soon is a way of life. Keep praying, hold tight and know that God's plan is complete. He knows the detours we may take....and loves us anyways.
When a man loves a woman....
.......he will respect your heart, respect your commitment to God, and honor you........never settle for less.
Sometimes, I see that in the girls. There are boys that bend over backward just to get a smile. Boys that fall so in "love" that they put a girl on a pedestal and forget that she is JUST a girl. And this girl, she shies away from that. She's a skittish colt. She hates being "loved". And sometimes, she doesn't care what they do.
We have very specific ideas of what we want for these daughters in a dating relationship. First, we believe in dating. Not the worlds view...but the whole go on dates thing. With different boys. Perhaps even in the same weekend.....daring, huh? We defy one on one relationship. We want these daughters to be pursued, not to do the pursing. We want boys to call them, not them call boys. Any boy that prefers that isn't worth the time.
Please know that I am not supporting using someone. I have told the girls that dating is to get to know someone, to figure out IF you do like someone. I hearken back to a more innocent age, a time when boys respected girls and girls didn't chase boys like they're a prize.
The truth is, when a man loves a woman it's much deeper than the things he buys, the things he does. When a man loves a woman.....
...he sits by her when she throws up
he chooses to love her when she is unlovable
...he builds her a table, even though they have a perfectly acceptable one
he sees her past and doesn't shy away
...he becomes a better man
he lets you change the xbox avatar to a girl (even though it bugs him)
...he listens when she fights with her best friend
he takes her side, even when she's wrong
...he wipes her tears when she's sad/angry/hurt/happy
he lets her go to Disneyland, even without him
The truth is, there is so much more. I watch these boys fumble with what they think "love" is and it hurts. They "love" someone that is in no place to love them. They ask for advice on "how to" with a specific girl, but get angry when the answer comes to them from different people than the object of affection. They put someone behind glass, then don't understand when she tries to break it down. They stand in awe of her.....unable to completely function and then don't understand why she gets upset that he hasn't spoken to her. I just want to yell at them...."OPEN YOUR MOUTH,BOY!".....haven't yet, but be on the lookout.
In conversation with some girls, they were talking about a boy who thinks he's ready to be intimate with his girlfriend. My heart broke. These boys think they have it all together. That they are in control. Truth is, they have none. God has it all. God has written their lives. He knows everything. He knows the heartbreak that will follow intimacy before marriage. He knows the sorrow that will come. One of these girls said "I haven't had sex yet, but I've done things that I'm already bringing into my marriage....and it's heartbreaking". My heart breaks for her.
In closing, the colt girl won't always be that way. Someone will come into her life and she will want to be loved by him. She won't want to run or hide. I know this. I also know that there is no way to stop people from loving her before she's ready. It's crazy growing up in this world, where too much too soon is a way of life. Keep praying, hold tight and know that God's plan is complete. He knows the detours we may take....and loves us anyways.
When a man loves a woman....
.......he will respect your heart, respect your commitment to God, and honor you........never settle for less.
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