Every time a glass breaks in my house, I get a little cranky. And afterward I always think in my head that "next time, I will just laugh it off". I never do. Tonight, the 4th glass this month was broken. I grabbed the dog, a girl swept and I told the girl who did how it would've been different if only she'd........
Wow. That is NOT who I want to be. Every day so many things get broken. Glasses, t.v.s, anything. You name it and it can probably get broken. But tonight, I broke something far more important than a glass. I chipped away at her spirit. And I fear that someday there may be so many chinks that she shatters.
It's an art, breaking someone. I know. I was/have been broken. A parental telling me I wouldn't amount to anything. A husband (the first) headbutting me. My daughter yelling she hated me. A husband telling me tiny little stupid lies. And sometimes, I feel so broken that I'm not sure how to hold up. Occasionally, I find myself chinking away at Matty, chinking away at the girls. Bit by bit, I can see and hear myself breaking them. And sometimes, I feel helpless to stop it. I get going and can't always quit. It's like a stone rolling down a hill. Sigh.
Everyone is fragile. Their hearts, their lives. We wait for a word....we wait for silence. We wait for the "shatter". We "shatter" someone else. We run up against ourselves, we become the one who's getting broken. We tell ourselves that we're stupid, why did I do that. We realize our faults in hurting others, never in hurting ourselves. Why is that?
There is One who treats me like I am a precious stone. He will never break me. He reminds me not to shatter the glass. He reminds me that even if something breaks, He is mighty to fix it. He gently and sometimes forcefully reprimands me....these are His children, treat them well. He reminds me that a glass is just a glass, but their hearts are more valuable. He holds my hand when I fail, gives me courage to begin again. He loves me, just as I am.
I probably won't laugh it off when the next glass breaks.....but I'll try. I will, however, be more cautious with the glass that is my daughters. They deserve that.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Monster Under the Bed
There is NOT a monster under my bed. Instead, he roams in my world. He roams around my home, he walks heavily through dreams and consistently wreaks havoc upon my life. He causes anger, sorrow, hatred and fear. And guess what! He's in your life too.
We can not escape the enemy. This world is his to walk upon. There is warfare all around us.
Let's chat a little about fear. I believe fear is a great big hold on many, many people. As a little girl, my mom took me to see a movie. I was about 7. In this movie all Christians were captured and beheaded. Talk about a "monster"! I was TERRIFIED! All I envisioned was being yanked out of my bed and taken to the guillotine. I had nightmares of this happening to my parents, my sister and anyone I loved. As I had children, their tiny heads filled a basket. It was horrible.
There is fear of love, of never finding love. There is fear of pain, death and even fear of joy. When exactly does fear set in? I have seen our children walk fearlessly into the road, ride a roller coaster, move away. I have seen them walk bravely into situations that I would've run from. I have seen them confront fear. I have seen them walk away, unscathed. Yet....I have seen fear tremble across their faces. I know one girl who is afraid she will never be loved. I WAS that girl once upon a time. But rather than search it out, SHE is waiting for God to reveal all. And that takes courage. One girl is afraid of loving too soon. That is wisdom.
As parents, we instill fear in our children. We tell them not to touch, look both ways and don't talk to strangers. We, at least I, tell them what some consequences could be. And I don't sugar coat. Some fears are simply our own. I am afraid of spiders, roller coasters and my children dying. I used to be afraid of being alone....I realize now that I was never alone. I am afraid of failing the children, afraid of not teaching and telling them everything they will need to know to survive this world. I used to be afraid of the end of the world. I used to pray that God would let me see the children grow up. In my mind, that was fully grown, with children. And one day, He revealed to me that EVERY DAY I got to see them grow up. And so it is.
What are you afraid of?? Don't be afraid of the monster under your bed, the one who walks the earth. His end is written. He will continue to cause strife, continue to try and beat you/me down. His goal is to steal, kill and destroy. I don't want to allow that anymore. Some fear is healthy, learning fear. Some is silly, human stuff. Some is well feared. We should never stop being aware of the prince of this world, never stop being vigilant to praying against him. I, however, have a mighty sword in front of me. And if God is for me, then who could stand against??!
I can't watch movies with be-headings. But I am not afraid anymore.....I have read the end and can't wait to get there.
We can not escape the enemy. This world is his to walk upon. There is warfare all around us.
Let's chat a little about fear. I believe fear is a great big hold on many, many people. As a little girl, my mom took me to see a movie. I was about 7. In this movie all Christians were captured and beheaded. Talk about a "monster"! I was TERRIFIED! All I envisioned was being yanked out of my bed and taken to the guillotine. I had nightmares of this happening to my parents, my sister and anyone I loved. As I had children, their tiny heads filled a basket. It was horrible.
There is fear of love, of never finding love. There is fear of pain, death and even fear of joy. When exactly does fear set in? I have seen our children walk fearlessly into the road, ride a roller coaster, move away. I have seen them walk bravely into situations that I would've run from. I have seen them confront fear. I have seen them walk away, unscathed. Yet....I have seen fear tremble across their faces. I know one girl who is afraid she will never be loved. I WAS that girl once upon a time. But rather than search it out, SHE is waiting for God to reveal all. And that takes courage. One girl is afraid of loving too soon. That is wisdom.
As parents, we instill fear in our children. We tell them not to touch, look both ways and don't talk to strangers. We, at least I, tell them what some consequences could be. And I don't sugar coat. Some fears are simply our own. I am afraid of spiders, roller coasters and my children dying. I used to be afraid of being alone....I realize now that I was never alone. I am afraid of failing the children, afraid of not teaching and telling them everything they will need to know to survive this world. I used to be afraid of the end of the world. I used to pray that God would let me see the children grow up. In my mind, that was fully grown, with children. And one day, He revealed to me that EVERY DAY I got to see them grow up. And so it is.
What are you afraid of?? Don't be afraid of the monster under your bed, the one who walks the earth. His end is written. He will continue to cause strife, continue to try and beat you/me down. His goal is to steal, kill and destroy. I don't want to allow that anymore. Some fear is healthy, learning fear. Some is silly, human stuff. Some is well feared. We should never stop being aware of the prince of this world, never stop being vigilant to praying against him. I, however, have a mighty sword in front of me. And if God is for me, then who could stand against??!
I can't watch movies with be-headings. But I am not afraid anymore.....I have read the end and can't wait to get there.
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