Truth be told

Truth be told....I am not always very wise. I make bad decisions and sometimes give bad advice. Truth be told....I yell at my husband and make my children cry. Sometimes, I shove Murphy outside and pretend he's not whining at the door. Truth be told, I sometimes go in the bathroom when a phone call comes in that I don't want to take and tell my children to say I'm in there. Which is true....just that I'm not using it. I don't want my kiddos to be liars. This my friends, is my blog on truth.

Truth is a tricky thing. If the reciever of the truth isn't interested in hearing it, it becomes skewed. Changed by a stubborn mind. Saying certain instances can cause insecurity becomes someone saying "You're insecure". Regardless of the words that were used, the words that are heard or relayed are often different. Filterd, if you will. We live that way. Filtering truth through our minds, finding fault with what someone is telling us. Refusing to hear. Sometimes, our refusal could be a safety mechanism. Protecting our hearts from a truth that hurts. Protecting someone else, maybe.

Truth is hard. Hard to hear, hard to say. And sometimes, just because we know a truth doesn't mean it's ok to share it. Truth is scary. The truth is....people get cancer, children don't have enough food, soldiers are dying and our world is ending. There are multitudes of scary truths out there. Aids, Cancer, Unplanned pregnancy, Adultrey, Murder, Child Abuse, SATAN. We coast through life, pretending sometimes that these truths don't touch us....in our bubbles. We pray against them, knock on wood and sigh in relief everytime it's someone else. We won't admit it, but it's truth.

We look for versions of absolute truth. We look in magazines, in the t.v. shows we watch, in our spouses and our children. We look in askance at our friends, our relatives and even our pastors and deacons. We search for truth that placates, comforts and brings satisfaction. We want modified truth.

Truth be told:
God created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th
God flooded the whole earth and only a boatload of people lived
Jesus was born and died
He rose again and is in heaven now
He IS coming back....that's a promise!
His grace is sufficient
I don't have to work for it, I just get it

I try to be as honest as I can. There are little lies that I tell (like the bathroom). I know I am not the only one, know I alone do not suffer from this disorder. But that's just it. We've gotten complacent and somewhere along the way have become ok with the little ones. And we filter, and we pretend.
Truth be told....


i am a sinner....i am forgiven

Winning vs Losing

I had a friend once. Don't die, it's true! Actually, there was a group of us. 3 couples. This was before divorce #2. We got together every weekend. Our kids got along. Us gals would sit and chat and laugh. The guys would do guy things. We'd play cards every week. We were inseperable. Until....I decided to wear scarlet. Then it all fell apart. Those friends high tailed it quicker than an ice cube melts on a hot summer sidewalk. It became me against them and him. Because I was the bad one. The temptress, the one dredged in sin. As the attitudes changed, my walls built up. I felt like I'd been flung into the ocean and left to die. I cried for help, but was told I was such a horrible sinner and "Are you sure you're a christian?" was asked often. I knew I was. Knew He loved me, knew He was watching and crying over my choices. And I knew Jesus was praying. But without earthly support, I ran headlong into that pit. I lost.
With Matt, everything settled down. We had Savannah and then Harley. But sometime in between the 2 girls, I saw the Mrs. of one of the couples. She had been my best friend. She ignored me. Called me the next day. Apologized with a "but....". But what??! She told me I should be sorry I'd had Savannah, that she never should have been born. Wow....I realized that with some, it was a neverending circle. No matter what I did, it would never resolve in her eyes. I would always have that letter "A". But, I hadn't lost. At that point I had won. I was forgiven, freed and had tangible proof of God's grace in the form of a child named Savannah....and the bonus was coming up.
2 Years ago, the other Mrs. from the other couple walked into my life. She had cast me out too, not spoken to me in 8 years. When I saw her, at church of all places, my heart went out to her. I hugged her. And we cried. And she asked my forgiveness. She was divorcing her husband....and hindsight had kicked in. Didn't mean she agreed with my choices that I had made, but she no longer saw me in scarlet. Which is good, cause God took that away eons ago. :D Our friendship was restored. She told me the other Mrs. had made a decision to love her no matter what, that her divorce wasn't going to seperate them. Turns out, the other Mrs. didn't want to lose another friend.
I don't blame her. I like my friends too. I have purposed in my heart to forgive her. I have asked her forgiveness, don't know if it's been given. But that is between her and God. The enemy would use that "A" to hit me upside the head, and bring to mind the words she used. I am as of right now, banishing those words. They have no place in my mind, no place in my life. I have been very honest with you, friends. And you still talk to me. So I am reminded that I am loved, and His beloved. Thanks friends, for knowing it all, and loving me anyway.


btw: The restored Mrs. is now remarried....and we still chat....And I have won.