I spent last weekend at a marriage conference. Those of you that follow along know that things have been very tumultuous for Matty and I over the last year.
Last week, before the conference had even gotten here, I told him I wouldn't go with him. Part of our issue is trust and I was really struggling to trust him, to believe his words and even more to believe his actions. I told him I couldn't put myself out there for all the world to see if everything was going to be the same behind our closed doors. He told me that he hoped I'd go with him; either way he was going. That surprised me. He would go?? By HIMSELF?? To me, that spoke volumes more than any word he had said lately. My guarded heart was released a little...I believed him. It was a wonderful time of healing. So this post may seem a little out of left field, but here I go.
You know how you hear people talk about "The One"? We're taught that in movies, books and even by our parents. Adam had the "one". Of course, God did create her...there weren't any options, lucky boy that Adam. Now, options abound. We're taught to do what feels right, with whomever it feels right with. That is a lie.
I had so many options when I was younger and each one I tried to fit into the "One" box. When I was 14, my 20 year old boyfriend loved me. He was wealthy, drove a fast car and devoted himself to me. We were going to get married some day. He wasn't enough. So, I picked up a young man in high school. Yes, at the same time. I had no compass. I had been raised in church, knew the Lord....was just very motivated to be loved. I wasn't yet aware of His love for me, and how deep it really went....He is truly the One. But that's later.
Neither one of them fit into the "One" box. Like Goldilocks, I tried to fit one man after another into that box. My first husband, as you know, was very abusive. My second husband was someone I never should have married or divorced. Which brings us to Matty.
He fit very nicely into the "One" box. I just had to get my second husband out of it. So I did. I make no excuses or reasons other than I CHOSE to live with the pigs. After I quit wallowing in the mud, God so very lovingly and graciously lifted me out and blessed me with a bundle of joy. Matty became a believer and then we had a 'bonus'. (our Little Bit) We cruised along for 10 years, until WHAM....we hit a very big wall with very large obstacles on it. And here we are....broken and put back together. God is so good!
Matty wasn't "The One". Take that in.
I'm not even sure the others were. The only One that can fit into that box is actually too big to do so. His love is so vast, His grace so spectacular. I'm not sure if it's because I do have such a redemption story or what....but man!....What a mighty God!! I have seen His grace first hand, felt His touch and sorrowed when I broke His heart. I recognize His love, recognize where things could've been so very different.
Sometimes, I get so busy and I don't talk with Him. I figure I'll do it later. Time gets away and before you know it, my soul is unhappy. With the other human relationships I had, I would try to fill that void. With God, I just talk. I yell, I whisper, I don't say anything but I do cry. He hears it all, sees me down to my core. He is the One.
My love story with Matty could only be written by One as strong and amazing as Him. He took every sorry thing I have ever done and forgave me. He saw every choice before I made it, let me do it and let me fail. He bottled every tear, heard every break in my heart and spirit. He watched as Matty said those terrible things, watched as I built a very big wall against the man I had chosen to love. He surrounded us with peace that surpasses understanding.
Oh. My. Heart.
I want to cry for His goodness. I went to the conference. It was marriage changing. Life changing. There were other couples there who were struggling along side of us. Couples who had even more of a struggle ahead. Someone said there was immense sorrow among the couples, hearts were heavy. I was so glad we had been through what we had been through. So glad that I could go into this conference looking to the future with Matty instead of wondering how it would all work out. So glad we had so much time before this to work through things. It truly was a time of restoration, healing and commitment. I forgave him, friends. My heart is light. Fear sometimes tries to creep in, but I'm trying to not let it. I can only do that with the One.
So many were not "The One". Often we look so hard at the One That Wasn't, we forget that the God of the universe is!
My wish for you is that you know Him the way I do. You don't have to work for His love, He just gives it. He is just the One.
