There are so many circles in my life that I feel like I can run a circus. Somedays, I DO run a circus. It's made of tweens and teens and young adults and dogs. Sometimes a rat. Anyways....
I find all different relationships in the many different circles. There are some that I am nurturing, some I am allowing to die. Some that are fading away into nothing-ness and the other person doesn't even know. I find myself creating squares, boxing people in....If I put them there, they should stay...right??!
WRONG!
There is one person in my life that I think I've been squaring up. It's hard not to. There are things that are said, actions that are taken that just offend. I worked so very hard to continue this relationship and only recently realized that I shouldn't have. It's not that it wasn't a valuable relationship, it's just that it's season was nearing an end. I can still love someone without liking them.
People come in and out, they stay for a bit then wander away. Some leave in anger, some with regret. Some leave in joy, a season passes and they've returned. I have loved so many, liked less and truly disliked a few.
Sometimes, the circles intersect and therein lies a crux. When the circles intersect in such a way, hurt is bound to be sustained. The fragility of such circles becomes known and the lines slowly fade. Feelings are hurt, people chat and the truth is lost. The circle is broken, the relationships suffers. Things are said that can't be undone.
Our girls are figuring out their own circles. They travel along, tripping over blocks...walking the tight rope that is life. One of our girls very plainly says that "I don't know how to 'Adult'!". It makes me giggle but, truthfully, it's a very real sentiment for her. They're trying to figure out relationships, figure out where everyone fits and perhaps even who doesn't fit. People that used to fit inside one circle now belong to another and sometimes, that one person doesn't belong at all. And that's where the hurt comes in. It's trying to fit that one person into a circle when you're really shoving them into a square.
In reality, there aren't really circles. I don't split my friends up based on where I think they fit. I don't have a church circle, a non church circle. I don't have people categorized depending on if they done me wrong. I do, however, recognize when a relationship season has ended. I realize when things aren't quite the same when we talk, realize that the relationship isn't running the same way. We react with emotion, react with anger. We allow ourselves to tear down what has taken years to build.
When you're young, you think that those relationships will always be the same. You think that you're strong enough to withstand the storm. Then, when things change, you're left a little surprised. A little sorrowed. Here's a secret: There is One who will never leave. One who always is loving you. One who is bigger than any circle. He is not seasonal, He is not fluid. He is not human. He is not prone to reaction. Love is His language, grace is His gift.
We should spend more time building up our circles, spend more time growing our relationships. We CAN love someone and not be their friend, love them without liking them. We can let some relationships go and grow new ones. We can withstand. Because He is for us. Nothing can stand against Him.....and by default, us. He is the bulwark.
I'm going to let it go. The relationship. I'm going to let God take this one, let Him bring closure. I'm going to love the person from afar. I will always be here, they have to want me, too. God is good to bring joy, faithful to love me. He loves you, let Him be your shield.
Kiwi-
This blog isn't about you, but I want you to know....You're now in one. I love you, don't agree with you....love you anyway.
