When a glass hits my tile floor, it shatters. If someone were to throw a rock at my window, it would shatter. When someone tells you they can't be in this relationship right now, your heart could shatter. Those shatters hurt the most. It's happened to our girls, it's happened to me. And now, it's happened to someone that isn't mine, but I hurt for.
I don't know what will happen next. Her heart hurts too, but she puts on a pretty face. She pretends everything is okay. I see his confusion, his looks of despair and sorrow. I don't know what God has in play, but it's bigger than the two of them. I do believe that God is moving in a magnificent way in his life. And that will be wonderful to watch. But for now....he is shattered.
When you give someone permission to be themselves, it takes a lot of weight off of them. It allows them to truly show who they are. That is a good thing. There is a lot of growth that needs to take place and both of them need to figure out who they really are....with God, as themselves and then perhaps, as a couple. I don't know.
What I do know is that sometimes, you can fix a shattered piece of glass. You can perhaps turn it into something more beautiful than it was, create something new and different. Sometimes, looking at it a unique way is all it takes. Just because it's shattered, doesn't mean it's broken forever.
God sees the shattered hearts. He sees the tears and the inside feelings that may be hidden. He knows motives and desires and all the things we tuck away inside ourselves. You are not hidden from Him, dear one. You may not understand, but He does. You may feel all shattered and jumbled, but on the other side of this....you'll see the beautiful creation He has waiting. Lean on Him, let Him be your guide to all things.
Through the sadness, there will be joy. Through the uncertainty, there will be steadiness. As you walk around the glass shards of the broken heart, there will be restoration. I promise. Sometimes, He allows us to shatter so we can depend on Him to create something new. Wait for it....it'll be spectacular!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Finding The Other
What is it about finding "The One"? I know I was obsessed with it....looked around, wrote my story, fell into pit and finally found my "other". Other what? 1/2, self.....and on and on. I think girls become more obsessed than boys. And as young ladies, they get hit with an urgency. An urgency to quickly find the other.
We have one girl who really just wants to wait for God. But all around her, friends are pairing up and becoming all relational. I think she's feeling like a lonely fish in a big, huge pond. She KNOWS that God has a story written/yet to write. Sometimes though, it's just hard to be patient. Especially when the billboard doesn't change. She's not seeing any signs, not seeing any BIG movement on the 'fish' front. I try to encourage her....but it's hard when you just feel like you don't fit.
We have another girl that doesn't want to wait. She is constantly going out to find her other. And they come and go. They breeze in and out, her heart worse for the wear. I am always saying that she will have no rest until she is complete with God alone. She shrugs and marches on.
We have the one girl, who appears to have a classic romance, straight out of an '80's movie. But all isn't always well. The communication needs work, the emotions run high. I don't know how things will go with this one, we just wait for God to unfold the pages.
I sit and I watch. I wait for hearts to break and girls to break hearts. I watch the children scurry like ants, struggling to find the other. I watch as people get torn apart by sadness and marriages fall apart by sorrow. I ache in those stories. I watch the ones who should be together wait for God to move and wonder if in fact, He's waiting for them to do the moving. I watch the ones who shouldn't be together force themselves to fit in the same puzzle. And I watch the ones who God waits for....to see if they'll climb up out of the pit.
I get it. The urgency, the desire to be loved and the desire to know the search is over. The truth is, some of the matches won't last. Some of them are meant to be later, meant to not be at all. Sometimes, the other isn't the right one. We fit people into our box, desire them to love us and convince ourselves that it must be God's will. And sometimes, we ignore the opportunity when in fact God's will is to continue forward. It's hard, this being human. Good thing we're not long for this world! But that is another blog.
There is One that should never be an 'other'. He is the King, the Lord of Lords. He is the one who designed each one, designed each heart and each 'other'. We need to trust that He's got this. Even if finding the other takes a long time....that too is His. Don't rush it, breathe, enjoy this life and keep moving. Don't get stuck, waiting. His plan will unfold....it's just harder when all you're doing is watching the paint dry.
Be brave, be bold and go forward. His plan is divine!
We have one girl who really just wants to wait for God. But all around her, friends are pairing up and becoming all relational. I think she's feeling like a lonely fish in a big, huge pond. She KNOWS that God has a story written/yet to write. Sometimes though, it's just hard to be patient. Especially when the billboard doesn't change. She's not seeing any signs, not seeing any BIG movement on the 'fish' front. I try to encourage her....but it's hard when you just feel like you don't fit.
We have another girl that doesn't want to wait. She is constantly going out to find her other. And they come and go. They breeze in and out, her heart worse for the wear. I am always saying that she will have no rest until she is complete with God alone. She shrugs and marches on.
We have the one girl, who appears to have a classic romance, straight out of an '80's movie. But all isn't always well. The communication needs work, the emotions run high. I don't know how things will go with this one, we just wait for God to unfold the pages.
I sit and I watch. I wait for hearts to break and girls to break hearts. I watch the children scurry like ants, struggling to find the other. I watch as people get torn apart by sadness and marriages fall apart by sorrow. I ache in those stories. I watch the ones who should be together wait for God to move and wonder if in fact, He's waiting for them to do the moving. I watch the ones who shouldn't be together force themselves to fit in the same puzzle. And I watch the ones who God waits for....to see if they'll climb up out of the pit.
I get it. The urgency, the desire to be loved and the desire to know the search is over. The truth is, some of the matches won't last. Some of them are meant to be later, meant to not be at all. Sometimes, the other isn't the right one. We fit people into our box, desire them to love us and convince ourselves that it must be God's will. And sometimes, we ignore the opportunity when in fact God's will is to continue forward. It's hard, this being human. Good thing we're not long for this world! But that is another blog.
There is One that should never be an 'other'. He is the King, the Lord of Lords. He is the one who designed each one, designed each heart and each 'other'. We need to trust that He's got this. Even if finding the other takes a long time....that too is His. Don't rush it, breathe, enjoy this life and keep moving. Don't get stuck, waiting. His plan will unfold....it's just harder when all you're doing is watching the paint dry.
Be brave, be bold and go forward. His plan is divine!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
In LaLa Land
Once upon a time, a little girl had a dream. She dreamed that her prince would come one day. He would be tall, handsome and would give her everything she ever wanted. Her children would be born with nary a squall and they would be darling little angels. Hmmmmm. Well.
So, he didn't ride a horse. And while he is handsome, he isn't super tall. He tries to give me everything I want....even some things he wishes I want. Like a tool set. The children were all born squalling and as for the angel part, well those are saved for heaven.
It's so far from the fairytale dream that I (and all little girls)dreamt of. The movies show it so well. Funny thing about the fairytale, they never actually go into the ever after part. I'm quite sure those princesses (you know who they are) got quite irritated when that prince charming showed up late for dinner....with COMPANY. And I'm sure she wasn't always put together and perhaps she even watched her husband eat and wondered how on earth she could've thought he was so darn charming?! And although they don't go into the children aspect, I'm sure those kiddos were naughty a time or two.
The fairytale part is easy. It's falling in love and butterflies and talking of shared dreams. It's stolen kisses and snuggles late at night. It's a dozen roses and remembering down to the moment the important things. I think more time should be spent on the ever after.
It's not always pretty here in the ever after. It's fighting, making up, watching that one movie one more time.....even though you hate it. It's trying to figure out how you're going to pay for things, how to be in his company. It's laughing and crying. It's pulling together and making things work even when you're not quite sure you even like the guy anymore. It's choosing to love him....every day. It's him sleeping on the couch because he knows I can't sleep with him snoring like that, it's me kicking him trying to get him to stop said snoring. It's rejoicing over the first grandchild and cheering as another girl graduates. It's him buying me a tea just because.
The ever after is a place after the fairytale. Sometimes it's dark and dreary and sometimes it's lovely and a party. We're still in love and I still get butterflies. We still have shared dreams and have seen some of those come true. Sometimes the kisses aren't so much stolen as a misstep as we're drifting off to sleep and the snuggles typically last only a minute. If there's money for roses, there's something to be paid and remembering the little important things is a distant memory. But....that's all ok.
Here's the deal: You can live in LaLa land and be surprised when it all goes haywire. Or you can realize that you're marrying an actual person. A real live prince who won't always be princely. Let things change, let the fairytale go.
The reality is so much better.
So, he didn't ride a horse. And while he is handsome, he isn't super tall. He tries to give me everything I want....even some things he wishes I want. Like a tool set. The children were all born squalling and as for the angel part, well those are saved for heaven.
It's so far from the fairytale dream that I (and all little girls)dreamt of. The movies show it so well. Funny thing about the fairytale, they never actually go into the ever after part. I'm quite sure those princesses (you know who they are) got quite irritated when that prince charming showed up late for dinner....with COMPANY. And I'm sure she wasn't always put together and perhaps she even watched her husband eat and wondered how on earth she could've thought he was so darn charming?! And although they don't go into the children aspect, I'm sure those kiddos were naughty a time or two.
The fairytale part is easy. It's falling in love and butterflies and talking of shared dreams. It's stolen kisses and snuggles late at night. It's a dozen roses and remembering down to the moment the important things. I think more time should be spent on the ever after.
It's not always pretty here in the ever after. It's fighting, making up, watching that one movie one more time.....even though you hate it. It's trying to figure out how you're going to pay for things, how to be in his company. It's laughing and crying. It's pulling together and making things work even when you're not quite sure you even like the guy anymore. It's choosing to love him....every day. It's him sleeping on the couch because he knows I can't sleep with him snoring like that, it's me kicking him trying to get him to stop said snoring. It's rejoicing over the first grandchild and cheering as another girl graduates. It's him buying me a tea just because.
The ever after is a place after the fairytale. Sometimes it's dark and dreary and sometimes it's lovely and a party. We're still in love and I still get butterflies. We still have shared dreams and have seen some of those come true. Sometimes the kisses aren't so much stolen as a misstep as we're drifting off to sleep and the snuggles typically last only a minute. If there's money for roses, there's something to be paid and remembering the little important things is a distant memory. But....that's all ok.
Here's the deal: You can live in LaLa land and be surprised when it all goes haywire. Or you can realize that you're marrying an actual person. A real live prince who won't always be princely. Let things change, let the fairytale go.
The reality is so much better.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Very Confuzzling
I am confuzzled. Not sure what to write tonight. I have so much on my heart.
Such as: that girls German is here. In a month, they'll be saying goodbye. Again. And she'll be a mess until he's gone for a bit. All will be good until he comes back. Sigh, a heart wrenching circle to be sure.
Such as: Girls headed off to college. TWO of them. One a "veteran" college girl, one a newbie.
Such as: Matty's CNA school/job. Such a good thing, but still......
Such as: Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are all right around the corner.
Such as: Feeling not quite all together.
I was reading my friends blog (you know who you are) and she is having this deep, philosophical discussion about homosexuality and recent events. I am astounded at the way she is handling it. I'm not sure I would be quite the same. She is being very grown up with it all....not sure if I would show the same maturity.
We get to where we believe what we believe. And that's that. We lose sight of the why's and simply stamp our feet and go from there. They should just follow. Why?? Because we say so?? It's like our girl with the German boyfriend....she kinda, sorta expects him to be American. And no matter how frustrated she gets, he doesn't suddenly become American. Go figure. She's trying to be patient, but she's young. It'll come.
We set things up in our heads and they make perfect sense. Most of the time, I don't understand why the person I'm talking to doesn't get it. I mean, if I think it....that should be all they need, right??! WRONG! I need to remember that not only can people NOT read my mind, they also don't have to agree with me. I know that's a strange concept.
My mind and heart are so full, I just can't put it all down. I'm thinking alot, trying to figure out where I need to be and what I need to change. Trying to figure out how to be supportive and still strong. Trying to figure out how to do all that needs to be done. Trying to figure out how to not be confuzzled.
I love the Lord, He is the director of my life. He is the author of all things, the King of kings. I know that He sees me, know that He loves me. I also know that He's letting me puzzle through my confuzzlement. That's the hard part.
Hey, friend. Go, Fight, Win. I miss you so much it hurts. Love you much!
Such as: that girls German is here. In a month, they'll be saying goodbye. Again. And she'll be a mess until he's gone for a bit. All will be good until he comes back. Sigh, a heart wrenching circle to be sure.
Such as: Girls headed off to college. TWO of them. One a "veteran" college girl, one a newbie.
Such as: Matty's CNA school/job. Such a good thing, but still......
Such as: Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are all right around the corner.
Such as: Feeling not quite all together.
I was reading my friends blog (you know who you are) and she is having this deep, philosophical discussion about homosexuality and recent events. I am astounded at the way she is handling it. I'm not sure I would be quite the same. She is being very grown up with it all....not sure if I would show the same maturity.
We get to where we believe what we believe. And that's that. We lose sight of the why's and simply stamp our feet and go from there. They should just follow. Why?? Because we say so?? It's like our girl with the German boyfriend....she kinda, sorta expects him to be American. And no matter how frustrated she gets, he doesn't suddenly become American. Go figure. She's trying to be patient, but she's young. It'll come.
We set things up in our heads and they make perfect sense. Most of the time, I don't understand why the person I'm talking to doesn't get it. I mean, if I think it....that should be all they need, right??! WRONG! I need to remember that not only can people NOT read my mind, they also don't have to agree with me. I know that's a strange concept.
My mind and heart are so full, I just can't put it all down. I'm thinking alot, trying to figure out where I need to be and what I need to change. Trying to figure out how to be supportive and still strong. Trying to figure out how to do all that needs to be done. Trying to figure out how to not be confuzzled.
I love the Lord, He is the director of my life. He is the author of all things, the King of kings. I know that He sees me, know that He loves me. I also know that He's letting me puzzle through my confuzzlement. That's the hard part.
Hey, friend. Go, Fight, Win. I miss you so much it hurts. Love you much!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Winds of Change
The wind is blowing. It's blowing right through my life, shaking things up. Seems like money gets better, then suddenly it's gone. Seems like the kids do well, then suddenly there's a crisis. The winds of change aren't always welcome in my house. I tend to batten down the hatches, gather my chicks and pray that nothing changes at all. I want it all to stay the way it is now. Even with no money and with the girl troubles.
Guess What??! Change happens without my permission. Emily will head back to college, Chellsei will go to college for her freshmen year (ACK!...someone hug me!)and Savannah will be an official middle schooler. 13 is right around the corner for her. Harley hits tween age and Hillary continues to mother Reya and Reya continues to grow. Kaily, (sigh) will study for her SAT's and apply to college for the 14/15 school year. Medical school, folks. Our girl wants to be a surgeon.
Often, when the winds blow, we get scared. We like our rabbit hole. We like our comfort zones and our safety nets. We like to think that the way things are is the way things will be. We make plans and expect to follow them through. But the truth is, there is no plan that truly is our own. And sometimes, He likes to have the wind blow a smidge harder.
My mommy heart is aching. 2 girls moving on, a 3rd getting ready to in a year. My grandma heart rejoices in our grandgirl, yet I know her mommy's heart sorrows every day she gets older. Watching Reya, I don't have the same "please don't change" moments. Every day is a joy to see her grow. But with our own girls....PUH-LEASE....don't let that wind blow through my life! I haven't yet been successful in slowing time down, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
It's funny that it bothers me so much. I am constantly changing my house. There are days Matty comes home and looks around and says "Oh. You rearranged. Again.". Yes, I do it a lot. I also like to paint. (okay, Matty paints, I watch) I'm not against change, I'm just against the change happening with my family life. And therein lies the problem.
I. Am. NOT. In. Charge.
That phrase deserved it's own paragraph. Those winds are going to keep blowing, the change is going to keep happening and my life will get richer and fuller because of it. I need to remember that just because the girls are doing what God intends, (or not, depending on the girl)it doesn't mean that my life is losing anything. In most cases, I'll gain something. Even if it's just experience in a situation.
He IS in charge. His plan is perfect and unfolding in His time. I don't have to like how things change. Don't have to even agree with it. But I do need to trust in Him...and believe that all things will work according to His will. His word says that if He is for us, then who could stand against? More true words were never spoken.
As I finish up, I leave you with these words:
A BEAR ALMOST ATE SAVANNAH. (dumb wind)
Guess What??! Change happens without my permission. Emily will head back to college, Chellsei will go to college for her freshmen year (ACK!...someone hug me!)and Savannah will be an official middle schooler. 13 is right around the corner for her. Harley hits tween age and Hillary continues to mother Reya and Reya continues to grow. Kaily, (sigh) will study for her SAT's and apply to college for the 14/15 school year. Medical school, folks. Our girl wants to be a surgeon.
Often, when the winds blow, we get scared. We like our rabbit hole. We like our comfort zones and our safety nets. We like to think that the way things are is the way things will be. We make plans and expect to follow them through. But the truth is, there is no plan that truly is our own. And sometimes, He likes to have the wind blow a smidge harder.
My mommy heart is aching. 2 girls moving on, a 3rd getting ready to in a year. My grandma heart rejoices in our grandgirl, yet I know her mommy's heart sorrows every day she gets older. Watching Reya, I don't have the same "please don't change" moments. Every day is a joy to see her grow. But with our own girls....PUH-LEASE....don't let that wind blow through my life! I haven't yet been successful in slowing time down, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
It's funny that it bothers me so much. I am constantly changing my house. There are days Matty comes home and looks around and says "Oh. You rearranged. Again.". Yes, I do it a lot. I also like to paint. (okay, Matty paints, I watch) I'm not against change, I'm just against the change happening with my family life. And therein lies the problem.
I. Am. NOT. In. Charge.
That phrase deserved it's own paragraph. Those winds are going to keep blowing, the change is going to keep happening and my life will get richer and fuller because of it. I need to remember that just because the girls are doing what God intends, (or not, depending on the girl)it doesn't mean that my life is losing anything. In most cases, I'll gain something. Even if it's just experience in a situation.
He IS in charge. His plan is perfect and unfolding in His time. I don't have to like how things change. Don't have to even agree with it. But I do need to trust in Him...and believe that all things will work according to His will. His word says that if He is for us, then who could stand against? More true words were never spoken.
As I finish up, I leave you with these words:
A BEAR ALMOST ATE SAVANNAH. (dumb wind)
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
In The Beginning
Chatting with an old friend the other night over Facebook, I asked if I had always wanted, or talked about wanting, children. The answer was yes. Looking back, I realize that's very true. The little bits and pieces of my life that I do remember all involve wanting to be a mommy. Maybe it's because I wanted to be loved and I thought that a child would love me all the time. (Um, that is true....BUT there are times they don't act like it!) I'm not saying my parents didn't love me or that God didn't love me. I just didn't grasp what that love was all about.
In the beginning, there was me. I was a pretty girl. I liked the boys and boy did they like me. I was the girl I warn our girls not to be. Getting pregnant at 16, I felt fulfilled. When she was born, I was young and scared. At 17, I was ill prepared to be a mother. When I had the 2nd girl at 20 (almost 21), I wasn't any more prepared....just not as young. Still scared. There is something scary about getting handed a baby and all of a sudden you realize that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. All decisions that are made, all choices, all STUFF....it's all on YOU. ARGH!
Girls 3 and 4 were born within 17 months of each other. Apparently I wasn't feeling loved enough. Actually, having children was the only way I felt complete. I still hadn't quite grasped the whole being loved by God thing. I knew God, trusted God, WAS God's....but didn't allow that to permeate my being. (psssttt....here's a little secret: He created each daughter, so before you start thinking that there were ways to prevent those pregnancies know that in the beginning, He planned on creating them) He was so gracious to me, all these girls.
When I met Matty, I told him that I came with 4 children and I would give him 2. Of course they were girls. That's okay with me, though. Didn't know what I would do with a boy anyways! By the time the Little Bit was born, I wasn't scared. There was that momentary UM when they handed her to me and I once again realized that here was another tiny human that I would have to do right by. And despite our rocky beginning, Matty and I were very settled. I had, sometime during my "living in the pit" time, fully grasped who I was in Christ. I had allowed myself to be bathed in His love and His grace. I had reached and His hand had pulled me up and out. I was forgiven.
I realize that I was looking for His love in our children's faces. In boys' faces. I was trying to fill a hole with temporary things. Because, folks, even your children are temporary. At a certain point, you really AREN'T responsible for what they say and do. They grow up and do things on their own. They learn and love and cry and make mistakes. And I can tell and warn our girls not to be like I was because I realize it wasn't who God created me to be. In the beginning, He knew my name. He also knew the way I would travel and the choices I would make. He also, I reiterate, knew that each girl was going to be born. In fact, He chose their names as well. They were meant to be here, meant to be ours and meant to be loved. But they were never meant to be EVERYTHING, the end all, be all. He is.
God planted a desire in my heart for children. He knew what would unfold. When I began trying to write my own story, He nudged and loved and even sorrowed me. When I catch glimpses of my past, it always involves wanting children. Sometimes, I'm not sure why He thought I would be a good mother.....however, in His way, He blessed me with amazing children. His love allows me to love them better.....allows me to give grace. I am His beloved.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1
In the beginning, there was me. I was a pretty girl. I liked the boys and boy did they like me. I was the girl I warn our girls not to be. Getting pregnant at 16, I felt fulfilled. When she was born, I was young and scared. At 17, I was ill prepared to be a mother. When I had the 2nd girl at 20 (almost 21), I wasn't any more prepared....just not as young. Still scared. There is something scary about getting handed a baby and all of a sudden you realize that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. All decisions that are made, all choices, all STUFF....it's all on YOU. ARGH!
Girls 3 and 4 were born within 17 months of each other. Apparently I wasn't feeling loved enough. Actually, having children was the only way I felt complete. I still hadn't quite grasped the whole being loved by God thing. I knew God, trusted God, WAS God's....but didn't allow that to permeate my being. (psssttt....here's a little secret: He created each daughter, so before you start thinking that there were ways to prevent those pregnancies know that in the beginning, He planned on creating them) He was so gracious to me, all these girls.
When I met Matty, I told him that I came with 4 children and I would give him 2. Of course they were girls. That's okay with me, though. Didn't know what I would do with a boy anyways! By the time the Little Bit was born, I wasn't scared. There was that momentary UM when they handed her to me and I once again realized that here was another tiny human that I would have to do right by. And despite our rocky beginning, Matty and I were very settled. I had, sometime during my "living in the pit" time, fully grasped who I was in Christ. I had allowed myself to be bathed in His love and His grace. I had reached and His hand had pulled me up and out. I was forgiven.
I realize that I was looking for His love in our children's faces. In boys' faces. I was trying to fill a hole with temporary things. Because, folks, even your children are temporary. At a certain point, you really AREN'T responsible for what they say and do. They grow up and do things on their own. They learn and love and cry and make mistakes. And I can tell and warn our girls not to be like I was because I realize it wasn't who God created me to be. In the beginning, He knew my name. He also knew the way I would travel and the choices I would make. He also, I reiterate, knew that each girl was going to be born. In fact, He chose their names as well. They were meant to be here, meant to be ours and meant to be loved. But they were never meant to be EVERYTHING, the end all, be all. He is.
God planted a desire in my heart for children. He knew what would unfold. When I began trying to write my own story, He nudged and loved and even sorrowed me. When I catch glimpses of my past, it always involves wanting children. Sometimes, I'm not sure why He thought I would be a good mother.....however, in His way, He blessed me with amazing children. His love allows me to love them better.....allows me to give grace. I am His beloved.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1
Friday, July 5, 2013
With One Eye Covered
Whew! I had a heck of a week! During that week, I read another blog that struck a chord in me. And I realized....I'm looking at the world with one eye covered. This other blog got me thinking about what my children see when they see me. The blog was from a daughter to a mother. I thought I'd hit the same subject as a mother to a daughter.
Dear girls,
Please remember that you are beautiful. Please remember that no matter how your body may change, you are beautiful. I know I complain about my figure, know that I talk about how my dream is to be "tall, thin and blonde". But the truth is, I won't ever be that. And I need to remember that my words have an impact on you. I see it after I've had an exceptional rant. I see you glance in the mirror, perhaps thinking that if there is something wrong with my figure, there MUST be something wrong with yours. I see you quickly look over yourself, your gaze landing on your thighs. You push on them and grimace and I realize.....I do that all the time.
With one eye covered, I believe I can complain about myself and expect that it won't effect you. I expect that because you are young and beautifully built, you won't take my words and make them yours. I don't comprehend that to you, I am beautiful. You tell me all the time...and I scoff. Your dad tells me and I sigh, feeling he can't possibly mean it. And all this, you see.
The world gives you an image to behold, a model of how you should look and dress. The world teaches that you must be thin to be beautiful. And with one eye covered, it does seem like that is right. But, girls, it isn't. You, just as you are, are BEAUTIFUL. Your body will change, you will gain weight and lose weight. You will have children and your body will stretch in ways you never knew it could. You will gain weight in places you want it AND in places you don't. Through all this, YOU WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.
The world will continue to tell you that you are not built right, it will tell you that you aren't perfect. It will be lying.
I won't always have this mindset. This is my growth mindset. I will probably slip right back into my complain mode tomorrow. However, I will try to remember that you are listening. You are watching and learning. I don't want the seeds of self recrimination to take root in your mind. Don't want my image issues to become your reality. I love you so much and when I look at you, I am so proud to be your mother. I am so proud of the women you are becoming.
I will uncover my eye and truly look at the things around me. I will be cautious with my words and actions and I will claim beauty more often. I will remember that every mark and stretch on my body has been because I carried you beneath my heart. I will remember that your dad means it. I will remember that I am made in His image, as are you. He has created good things, so by deduction...I am good. ALL of me is good. And all of you is good. Good and beautiful.
Remember this when you have daughters. Remember that they love you, that to them you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Remember that you are always amazing to those little eyes. Remember they hear you.
Uncover your eyes, dear ones. Hold tight and never let go. Remember YOU are beautiful. But mostly, remember you are the daughter of the most High King.
Love,
mom
Dear girls,
Please remember that you are beautiful. Please remember that no matter how your body may change, you are beautiful. I know I complain about my figure, know that I talk about how my dream is to be "tall, thin and blonde". But the truth is, I won't ever be that. And I need to remember that my words have an impact on you. I see it after I've had an exceptional rant. I see you glance in the mirror, perhaps thinking that if there is something wrong with my figure, there MUST be something wrong with yours. I see you quickly look over yourself, your gaze landing on your thighs. You push on them and grimace and I realize.....I do that all the time.
With one eye covered, I believe I can complain about myself and expect that it won't effect you. I expect that because you are young and beautifully built, you won't take my words and make them yours. I don't comprehend that to you, I am beautiful. You tell me all the time...and I scoff. Your dad tells me and I sigh, feeling he can't possibly mean it. And all this, you see.
The world gives you an image to behold, a model of how you should look and dress. The world teaches that you must be thin to be beautiful. And with one eye covered, it does seem like that is right. But, girls, it isn't. You, just as you are, are BEAUTIFUL. Your body will change, you will gain weight and lose weight. You will have children and your body will stretch in ways you never knew it could. You will gain weight in places you want it AND in places you don't. Through all this, YOU WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.
The world will continue to tell you that you are not built right, it will tell you that you aren't perfect. It will be lying.
I won't always have this mindset. This is my growth mindset. I will probably slip right back into my complain mode tomorrow. However, I will try to remember that you are listening. You are watching and learning. I don't want the seeds of self recrimination to take root in your mind. Don't want my image issues to become your reality. I love you so much and when I look at you, I am so proud to be your mother. I am so proud of the women you are becoming.
I will uncover my eye and truly look at the things around me. I will be cautious with my words and actions and I will claim beauty more often. I will remember that every mark and stretch on my body has been because I carried you beneath my heart. I will remember that your dad means it. I will remember that I am made in His image, as are you. He has created good things, so by deduction...I am good. ALL of me is good. And all of you is good. Good and beautiful.
Remember this when you have daughters. Remember that they love you, that to them you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Remember that you are always amazing to those little eyes. Remember they hear you.
Uncover your eyes, dear ones. Hold tight and never let go. Remember YOU are beautiful. But mostly, remember you are the daughter of the most High King.
Love,
mom
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