The Years the Locusts Ate

As I write this I've just found out that my grandpa probably won't live past this weekend. My heart is full of sorrow. Not just because he's dying but because while he's dying, I am thinking of the years the locusts ate. They are many and now there is no repair time.

When I was a little girl, my grandpa would brush my hair. He would pull it tight into a ponytail. When I was a little girl, my grandpa would pick me up and carry me around. He had a hard time hearing (injury in the Korean war) and I always had to yell at him. Well, speak very, very loudly. My grandparents relocated to Oregon from California when I was about 13/14. When I would fight with Rachel, my grandpa was the voice of sanity. He would go hunting with my dad and they used to play cards with my parents. I remember,long boring nights watching my parents and grandparents play cards. Ugh!

When I moved to Idaho from Arkansas after my first divorce, my parents had moved to Idaho. My grandparents were already here. Relationships continued and the memories are many.

Things changed when I met Matty. He had dated Rachel...my grandparents took exception to anyone (me) cavorting with the enemy (Matty). With sorrow, all relationship ties were severed brutally. For the record, it was not our choice. For 13 years I have had little to no contact with the man that used to love me. My grandparents made a choice. My family and even my parents were on the other side of that choice. The locusts ate well.

Now, he is dying. He doesn't remember who I am. When he was in the hospital a while back, I went to visit him every day. He didn't know me then, but it was wonderful. We chatted, he smiled at me. He loved the day Kaily came. He liked pretty girls. My heart sorrows for the years that we can't retrieve, the years that were eaten so harshly. He never really met Harley....never got to really know Savannah. Out of our girls only Emily and Hillary have true memories. I cry for knowing that even after he's gone, things won't change. The locusts get fat on bitterness.

I know that the Lord has seen this. He knows how things unfolded, indeed He allowed them. He knows the hurt in my heart, knows how I ache to be loved by my grandparents. Please understand that I am skirting the issues with them delicately. There is a lot of history that I have not covered. And will not in honor of my family.

It is the enemy's job to steal, kill and destroy. He has done well with this relationship. I know God promises to give back what the locusts eat, but also a dog will return to it's own vomit. I have no control over my grandma....she is responsible for herself. I will continue to pray. I will allow myself this day to mourn the years that are gone. I will allow this time to wish things were different. I will grieve for the grandpa that brushed my hair and introduced me to Disneyland.

I will let God do the rest. The locust may continue to eat, but I will not let them steal more from me.

His will be done. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.