The Silence

It's quiet in my house. The dogs are sleeping and the children are back at school. As I went about my morning, I was hit with the certainty that slowly but surely the girls are growing up. I will be 41 in a month....I am a grandmother. The realization that we have 3 daughters (essentially) out of the house hit me like a piano from the sky. We only have 3 left and one of those is graduating next year. Holy Cow....it's quiet around here!

For over half my life, I have been a mother. My days have been full of ever changing daughters, doctor appointments, crying, laughing and cleaning. Slowly, things began to change. Our pace sped up, girls got older. Before it seemed real, Little Bit started school. Believe it or not, I relished in the silence. I didn't cry when she went to school, I rejoiced.

Every year, when school lets out, I gear up for the summer. Our summers are full of adventure, loud and boisterous teens and lazy days. We go until we can't go anymore. When school starts I am giddy. The house is silent. I cherish and treasure my time with the girls, yet enjoy the time alone. And I think I'm supposed to.

We get the blessing of these children for what seems like eternity. Sometimes, we think those toddler days will never end, that they'll wear diapers forever. We think they'll never grow up to be functioning members of society, that perhaps we'll not let them see their 16th birthday. We think that we want them to stay small forever, to stay young so they never get hurt and we can protect them always. But.....we really don't.

There is such joy in seeing your girl come home from her first day at college glowing, stories of a wonderful day falling off her lips. It's amazing when you see your daughter with her daughter, and then you get to enjoy that baby without all the responsibility. There is bittersweet happy in the "last" firsts. As we get to our 5th 13 year old, we know to pull up our bootstraps....that age is tricky. We find promise in the coming years....when it's just Matty and I. We don't stop trying to protect them, but at some point they will protect us. We never want them to get hurt...sometimes a little hurt grows them. (bubble wrap and the Amish never did materialize)

In the silence, I hear the past. That's a good thing. The best thing is the moving forward, going into tomorrow with boldness. Embrace the quiet, it really doesn't last long.