The Honor System

Having 6 daughters, we have had all sorts of thoughts on dating. All sorts of thoughts on (ahem) sex and marriage and such. Our thoughts are simple: honor our daughters and don't ask them for sex if you're not married to them. We know that it is a big temptation, a wildfire waiting to happen. We consistently tell the girls that inside/outside marriage, the physical feeling is the same. However, the emotional isn't. We encourage them having a 'plan' and then having a 'plan' to escape their plan. We allow dating, but we are VERY involved. We don't really allow one on one, but that is a case by case basis. We LOVE the colt girls boyfriend....he lives in GERMANY!

The reality is that sex is all around us. The t.v. shows, the music even the ads we see in the mall. Our young are encouraged to do what makes them feel good. I know I did what I wanted to do. I had no honor system for myself. And that is the key. Not only do these young men that come into our lives need to honor our girls, but our girls need to honor THEMSELVES! We have told them they are valuable, they are worthy and they deserve the very best. And when they don't seem to believe it and make choices that are contrary, my heart breaks.

Listen up....just because you're raised in a Christian home, with Christian parents and go to church every Sunday doesn't mean that you are not prey to the temptation of the flesh. You tell yourself or your kids that lie and you are just walking off a cliff. We often tell young people to "wait...because the bible says so". Ok...AND??? There is so much more to it than just that! Yes, God did say to save sex for marriage. Yes, that is what we tell our girls. However, we do elaborate. A girls emotions are so valid and so wrapped up in the pitter pats and the butterflies. They get a boost out of someone wanting them....all of them. And once they get past that initial 'I really shouldn't', it's a whole lot easier to just keep going.

Friends tell them it's ok, perhaps a favorite aunt or a trusted adult says it's alright. Our schools teach safety over abstinence. Like a wildfire, things get out of control so quickly. You get consumed. And once a relationship ends, it's easier to allow the fire with the next person. And before you think it won't happen in your family or with your kiddo, remember that the enemy is the father of lies. Like in the garden, he convinces the young ones to wallow in the pit and eat with the pigs. Not a pleasant place to be.

My goal with this entry is not to discourage, but to encourage. Maybe you come from a background where talking about sex is shameful or come from a home where your mom (HI girls!) is very open and honest. Maybe you lived a wildfire life, maybe your were blessed to heed the words of the Lord and waited. Either way, your story is so important to your children. They need to know that what they're going through isn't new, that someone has survived it. They need to know that they deserve to be honored in the best way. They need to know that God loves them the most, and know that they are so precious and important.

Please don't misunderstand....I'm not saying you don't already do that. I have just seen so much sorrow in girls in my life, girls in this world, girls I don't know. I've seen boys torn up over taking someone's future wife, seen the knowledge that what happened goes with them into their future. I've seen life created when unintended, I've seen life ended when inconvenient. The honor system is so much more than just spoken words. It's actions that back up the words. Also, I think that any MAN worth his salt will honor what we hope for our girls. We sit down with each boy our daughters date and tell them exactly what we hope/wish/dream for our girl. After that, it is up to him/them. We pray, we teach, we validate. Reality is: they have to grasp it, hold it and own it. They have to honor it.

Nothing is unforgivable....God is in the business of grace. Don't think that just because you/they choose a pit for a bit that you are beyond His grace. The grand thing is that He will reach right into the pit of mud, past the pigs, and grab you/them up and hug you/them. Without you being clean first. That is just the way He works. He did it for me, He does it for me. He is for me, who could stand against??

More than that, He honors you. He honors them. He is for you.