Just today, I watched a video that a friend of mine made. (TheRedheadMusic.com) After his initial greeting and antics, he got down to what the video was about. Death. And where he's going after he dies, and why he doesn't worry about his expiration date. That got me thinking.
Years ago, as a young teen, I would ask God to please not come back until I had children. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved. Having children was the most important thing to me. I was afraid that God would come or take me before I really got to be loved. (Amazing...His love truly is ALL I need! He loves me unconditionally and without pause! I know that now!)
After having a child, my pleas became "Please, let me see her grow up." After having more children, I would sit up late at night, crying. My heart ached, thinking of losing a daughter or them losing me. I would sit and watch whichever baby was sleeping soundly and beg God to "Please, don't let me die before they're grown." I had visions of them wandering the house, searching for me and me no where to be found. My mommy heart grieved in sorrow with these horrible scenarios. I wasn't worried about where I or they would go, I was worried about my life without them or their life without me. I didn't want to expire!
Once, when Colt girl was about 2, God showed me that I was getting to see them grow up. Every day they grew. Every day those marvelous girls changed. Every day I saw something new. And with Colt girl being my youngest at the time, somethings were the "last first time". (get it?) I had peace, for the first time. God knew something though. He knew that grace girl and bonus would come along before too long. The year following grace girls birth....9/11 happened. My fears of death and war and sorrow whapped me upside the head. I was terrified again. The enemy grabbed a hold of my mind, my heart and yanked me around. God reminded me that He alone is sovereign.
Sometimes, fear will grip my heart. What if they really didn't become saved? What if they don't really understand? WHAT IF THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM?! His presence comes around me, His hand holding mine. Like always, with all things concerning me/the girls/Matty, He reminds me that He's got this. He alone knows their hearts. He alone has a plan. He alone sees the entire film strip, including anyone's expiration dates.
Within the past few years, as the girls have gotten older, my prayers have turned to grandchildren. No longer do I ask Him not to come, but I ask Him that I will be allowed to have grandchildren to snuggle. And I do! I have one sweet grand girl that I get to cuddle and love on and spoil rotten. Her mother worries about the end of things, I can tell. She worries that she won't get to see this little Reyasunshine grow up. I don't know how things will go down and sometimes, I still get frightened by the end of things, the BIG expiration date. I think that's only human. But the truth is, I am His. I know I am a sinner, know that I can not DO anything to be saved and enter into His presence. He saved ME! I know that He died on the cross, took my sin (and the worlds) and rose again on the 3rd day after His death. I believe. So, because of that, I KNOW I get to praise and worship Him after my expiring. How about you?
I have gotten to have children (check), see them grow up (check), see my grand girl (check) and be loved by an amazing man. That was a bonus. I don't really have a "bucket list". If I did, those things were on it. What a joy to have experienced so much. Do I want to expire? No, not really. Not yet. I have 5 other daughters to marry off, and other grandbabies to meet. But....His plan is His and He alone knows it. I'm going to enjoy this time, enjoy this moment and grow up a little bit more.
On my not "bucket list": going to Disneyland next year! Yippee!!
"....that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart the God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved..." romans 10:9
That's all folks....
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