The "Club"

There is a club amongst teen girls. It's the "Have a boyfriend/Don't have a boyfriend" club. I remember it well. And I belonged to the "have" side. It seems I didn't find myself complete unless I had a boyfriend. I even made a few up. Well, one. He was a real guy, just not really my boyfriend. I wanted to belong, wanted to feel like one of "those" girls. Pretty, I wanted to feel pretty. And loved, I wanted to be loved. And I just wanted to be...them.

And so, I was a "have". However, that didn't change my social status. It just gave me male company.

Guess what?! The club still exists! Only now it's more brutal. Now, I'm the mom....and I'm trying to convince these girls that they don't need completion. That they don't need approval and that they are so very LOVED. Yet, no matter how much I tell them these things, they seem to CRAVE the same things I did at that age. From the very beginning, I talked with them. Tried to bolster their confidence, build self esteem and show them physical love. Things I felt I had missed. Things I wanted.
That's not even the whole of it....I think it all goes back to the "club". They want peer acceptance, peer recognition. We have one daughter who will probably always have a boyfriend....until she gets married of course. She is content to flirt, giggle and coo and have the boys eating out of her hand. Then there's another girl who is convinced she will NEVER have anyone to love her. Convinced that high school is it, the be all end all. She has no concept that the world is right out the door, waiting with patience for her to begin her life. And then there is the tender hearted one. The one who is positive she's going to get married, but searching so hard for her husband NOW. Her heart is anxious, troubled and full of frustration. She sees the flirt "get" the good guy and she is in angst. She believes that all that will come her way are the "needy" boys. I remind her that God knows her heart, knows her list for what she wants her husband to be. She made a promise to not kiss anyone except her husband and I truly believe God is honoring that by not allowing her to meet the "good" guy. He is protecting and honoring her dreams.

I see girls flip into and out of relationships like they are shaking off water. (me) I see girls invest so much of themselves into a boy they lose who they are.(also me) I see girls who bank on a boy and settle with him because they just want. (again....me) Some of these girls are mine....by birth and by "adoption". I love these girls.....so very much. I wish all of them would have a 'Cinderella' moment. I wish that belonging to the "club" would really make a difference in their lives. But it won't. No matter how much he tells her he loves her, it isn't the truth. The truth is a boy doesn't know HOW to love a girl at this age....doesn't know how to cherish her and even protect her. There may be a few exceptions (I've met some) and i know every girl thinks she is the exception. The fact is, only God will love her they way she cries to be loved. Only God will accept her as she is and protect her her whole life. She is His bride....if only she would grasp it.

The "club" will always exist. It will always be a show of peer status, acceptance and worthiness. Girls will always judge a girl based on her "boyfriend-ness". They will deem her worthy or not. In the "club" they will laugh and make jokes about why she doesn't have one. It appears that our 3 teens are in varying stages of the "club". The flirt really doesn't care about having a boyfriend. If she does great, if not that's ok too. The almost grown up one wants one, but can't see past the right now....can't see any further than high school. And the tender girl....well, she REALLY wants to know her forever right now. She doesn't want to wait, doesn't want to be patient. She wants to belong to the "club" the most.
I have paid my dues, lived my life, searched for my forever and come out of the pit to tell about it. I belonged to that "Club" long enough to know that it really doesn't matter. I am worthy in God's eyes, beloved and nurtured. Who cares what others think?


I am a child,friend, mother, sister, friend and wife. More than that I am the bride of Christ and a beloved disciple. That's the "club" I belong to...
"Beloved, let us love one another for love is from God...." 1 john 4:7 (first half)