Sometimes

Sometimes......
I want my life to be different...
I dream about what my children will do when they are older.....
I crave silence....
I want chaos....
I dislike my husband and don't want to be a mother.....
I can't fathom life without children....

Sometimes, I so desperately want their lives to be fantastic that I go about trying to make it that way. I so much want to protect them from the hurts of the world that I intervene and keep them bubble wrapped from experience. But really, what I'm doing is hurting them. If I do it all for them, how will they learn? What will they learn and how will they grow?
Sometimes, I talk them out of things that I think will be harmful to their emotions and I talk them into something I WANT them to have. It's sometimes subtle, sometimes not so much. And other times, I just down right steer them around something. No one and nothing is going to hurt my babies! BUT.....isn't that just life? Shouldn't they have some hurts in order to appreciate the great stuff? And if I'm doing the directing, aren't I taking over for God? Cause really WHO am I to say what should happen?? I let my wants for their lives take over...my heart is right, I'm just doing them an injustice.
This is hard for me, friends. No one wants to admit, however inadvertently, that they are hurting their children. I guess it comes down to the fact that as much as I like to pretend I have control, the only one truly in control is God. He has a plan. And,(UGH) maybe that plan involves hurts. But it certainly involves great things also. Hurt doesn't always mean harm...and clearly in His word, God's plan is for good and not harm. So I trust Him. They're His children anyways!

Sometimes.....

i dream the kids are all gone and Matty and I are in Disneyland, riding to our hearts content......