The "Apples"

I realized something about myself. I am as shallow as a mobsters grave in Vegas. While I've always known I can be snobbish, I totally realized I am SHALLOW! I think I should've outgrown that at about 20 years of age. Didn't happen. Remember those boxes the girl whose name they never have puts people in? Well, she's an apple. And I am the tree. I package people up, nice and tidy. Sometimes, with a bow on top. Where her stuff is a coping mechanism, mine is just pure and not so lovely shallowness. EEK! What a horrible thing to realize.
I want our "apples" boyfriends to be handsome, their friends to be popular and their lives to flow well. I want them to live the charmed life. And I equate that with "beautiful" people. What I want to is why? Is it because our world is undunated with advertisements about what makes you beautiful? Is it because the women on tv and in movies are a size 2 or sometimes smaller? Is it because all the men have abs to die for? According to everything I see and read, they're all perfect. And I am not....however, i believe our "apples" are close. *wink*
Another "apple", Juliet, craves the attention of boys. She wants to be loved by someone. She's concerned that her looks aren't good enough, that her figure isn't just right and that her hair is too thick. She is trying to find her value in a boy's eyes......thankfully not his arms! Again, I am the tree that the apple didn't fall far from.
We do have one daughter who has "fallen" into my shallowness grave. The confident one. She is very sure of herself, knows who she wants to be and where she fits in this world. Until this year, she wore glasses and didn't wear makeup. Regardless of this, she was still very confident. But she liked a certain boy. A boy that didn't fit the "mold" of what I wanted her to like. Now, I kept my mouth shut....honest. However, at the end of summer the contacts went in, the makeup went on and that boy went out the window. She found her "groove".....and never looked back. I don't think the boy realized what happpened, she just quit talking to him. That's my shiny apple, from me....the tree.
The oldest "apple" has a lot of insecurity. Searching for love, acceptance and struggling to still take care of everything. I feel as though I failed the most with her. I tried to be a good mom, but she so anxiously wants my approval and banks so much on my opinion. I can make the most innocent comment and it's taken to heart and flung back at me. She remembers things much different from the way they happened. Yet, even in all this....I see me, the tree. (I am a POET! HELLO!)
We have two apples that have yet to come to "fruition".....I'm hoping that all the things I don't like about myself will not grow in them. As for all the "apples, I want them to be strong, sure and confident. I want them to know their value and worth is in the hands of the One that loves them all the time. That with Him, they need no human man's approval. They are brides of a Bridegroom above all else....He sees them, knows them and LOVES them immensly. And, guess what friends! He loves me that way too! Even with my shallow grave self. I am going to be aware of my shallowness and pray it away.....and I will know I am prepping the way for these daughters to do the same.


ending thought: how many bodies are buried in Vegas?
I'm going to stop "burying" people in my mind, stop killing them with my shallowness...