I have been going about my life wrong. I've been doing "just enough" to get by. It dawned on me as I did my bible study this morning. I have been feeling such weight, such sorrow over how my life has seemed to fall apart that I forgot one crucial, very important thing: He is for me. And He wants more than my "just enough".
I've been walking through my days with just enough oomph to convince people I'm still human. I've been smiling just enough so that people around me won't realize that I feel broken. Or I've been wanting them to notice I'm broken....and tell me they love me.
I've been praying just enough. Just enough to feel connected, but not enough to be flat on my face. I've been feeling like I'm forgotten. In the midst of walking through this valley, I have been sidetracked by the "flowers" of sorrow. I keep looking at the things I don't have; I should be remembering all that I do have. I should be rejoicing over the fact that we have enough to make ends meet....however much of a gap there appears to be. Instead, I am looking at it all thinking of what it isn't.
It's hard, this whole trying to be "just enough". The reality is...I don't have to be anything. I have One in my life that is everything, and He wants me to remember that. There is nothing that is happening that isn't His. He hasn't left me; just let me wander a bit. I recognize that this is a theme in my blogs. It's because it's TRUE!
It's not enough to slightly do things. It's not enough to live like every day is falling down. It's not enough to 'try'....you have to DO. Believe me, if you're in a hurting place, I've been there. I may not know your specific pain, but I do know sorrow and pain. And, dear one, He does too.
I can't do "just enough" anymore. I want to step out in faith, believing that He will protect and guide me. I can't stop trusting and have to stop taking back my burdens. My study today reminded me that all I have to do is what He wants RIGHT NOW. Not in 10 minutes or in 5 hours....RIGHT NOW. And so I am.
Just enough isn't enough. Don't live like it is.
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
Funny, (not really) I'm right there with you. I'm wishing with all my heart that Liz can just let her burdens go and be joyful at college, and then I realized that that is what God wants of me, too. He just wants me to look around and see how blessed I am to be here and to take advantage of all these amazing opportunities for learning, and to see all of the sacrifices that have been made for me, and to rejoice in the day that He has made, and REJOICE in it, for crying out loud! He offered to take my burdens, why am I still carrying them around? He just wants me to be happy, and it's the LEAST I can do!
ReplyDeleteSigh.
Thanks. I love you. Wish we could have a good cry together, and then a good laugh, and then a good hug.
I miss you so bad it hurts. Your words are healing today. I'm going to give him everything again, because He's the only One who knows what to do with me.