"Past meet Present"

Remember those twisty roads of my life I've chatted about? Well, some of them have intersected. And it's the scary road, the super curvy down a steep hill road.
I have always known that Hillary is curious about her paternal family. As many of you know, Matty adopted Hillary when she was 13. She legally and emotionally and birth certificate bindingly became a Leasure at that time. However, she does know that biologically Matty isn't her dad. (He was only 13 when she was born) So curiosity reigns and fantasy rules. Recently, she has gotten in touch with her Aunt. From the "other" side.
A quick history lesson: married the said Aunt's brother when I was 17. He was 23. Him: discharged from military. Me: young with new baby moving with new husband to the backwoods of Arkansas. Begin tragic tale of abuse and sorrow. We fled in February of 1992. Moved to current location in May of '92. 3 months later: he was arrested and charged with murder of his girlfriends child. Pled no contest, served 1/3 of his sentence. No contact from that side for 19 years.
Ok, all caught up? So now, my past has met my present. I knew it would happen, knew it was only a matter of time. Facebook is an interesting portal....and sometimes I curse it! I'm not sure what to do at this intersection. Granted the child is almost 21 (whew!) And I did my best to keep her safe and unaware until I (we) felt she was old enough. But now....sigh. I feel like I have to let go. Have to let her flesh this out, ask her questions and have healing in her heart. What I WANT to do is grab her and run. Grab her and protect her from what I deem is a threat. I want to cover her in kisses and soothe her heart. But I can't do that this time....she's a grown up. We've raised her well, taught her to love the Lord. She's claimed Him as her own. I've always known she wanted to know. Wanted to find the missing pieces in her puzzle. Or at lease what she feels are missing pieces.
The thing is, I never really protected her anyway. It was all God, all the time. He has watched over her since He created her. Silly me, thinking we were her only caregivers....silly human self.
We did our best, told her the truth. I never painted that side of her biology as monsters, never spoke badly. I knew the questions built, the curiosity got stronger. I knew this day was coming. Granted the aunt isn't the "donor" but they are in close proximity.
And so what do I do now? I'm scared. But have no reason to be. Not only is God protecting me, He gave me an awesome and fearless protector on earth. (Yes, Matty, it's you)And even though her dad can't be there to physically protect her, God will. He will guide her and caution her and provide a way for her to see truth. I need to trust that. And I need to let her go....and maybe raise my hands for the ride down the mountain.


ps- I msg'd the aunt....just to let her know we have Hillary's back.