There is a myth about marriage. Supposedly at 7 years, an itch hits. With this itch comes a desire to be free, a want for more and being unsatisfied with what you have. Coincidentally, my second marriage ended on our 7th anniversary. The exact day. And honestly, I couldn't tell you what that day was. Or date. I can however, tell you the day I first saw Matty. Ok, well not the date but the week. It was 4th of July week 1999. I thought he was the cutest thing EVER....with his hair bleached on top, both ears pierced and wearing baggy jeans and a tank top. Those arms! But, I digress.
My point is we sailed through that 7 year "itch" with no problems. We made it to 10 years raring to go the next 50....then things slowed down. Instead of it seeming like time was flying, it's started to seem like we've been married FOREVER. Please don't get me wrong....there is NO "itching" going on, it just feels stalled.
Do I love him? O YES! Does he love me? I believe so...and just to sound positive, YES he does love me. I've waited a lifetime to love and be loved like this. It just seems sometimes that we are up against a wall. There's alot that goes on in our household: girls, cleaning, girls, working, girls, church, girls, dog, girls and just LIFE. And I think I am distracted. I've tried to put a box around my husband, an expectation if you will. I expect him to lead and I to follow. I am called to be his helpmeet. Except...I am very strong willed. And I try to lead. Is that part of the issue? OF COURSE! Silly me.....
YET....as 2 halves of a whole, we are both responsible. He to me, I to him. I see "perfect" couples. You know, those ones who don't argue, who talk about how "perfect" life is and how they can't imagine ever having issues. Wow! I want to live with them and drink their water.
I once met a couple in the library. Older, cute and very sweet to eachother. The husband asked me if I was married. I said yes. He then asked me if I would like the assurance of being married to my husband FOREVER. ACK! I said NO that when I get to heaven I get to sit and worship at Jesus' feet. I couldn't fathom anything worse than being married forever....other than constantly having children when I'm in heaven. EEK! Plese don't misunderstand...this has NOTHING to do with not loving Matty. But marriage is a "human" thing and in heaven, all that has passed away. No tears only joy. Hooray for Jesus!
We are blessed. I am blessed to be married to my best friend, my hero. I know that the wall we are up against isn't huge, we will surpass. We just have to figure it out. He still makes me laugh....and cry. He still has both ears pierced (twice!). And he's still my Matty. That feeling of belonging happens when we're in a room together, yet seperate and his eyes meet mine. I know he'll find me wherever I go, I know I am always safe. He is my protector on earth, the one God molded for me. I just need to listen more, hear him and also stop chomping at the bit to be in charge.
(I am wrinkling my nose at that) I like to be in charge. So friends, in conclusion, I am happy to a Mrs.....glad not to be a "Miss" and glad I didn't "miss"(haha) the last 10 years. Here's to the next 10....and knowing the love of God surpasses it all and His grace is sufficent.
I want to be a jewel in my husbands crown, not the reason he's on the roof....
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