I have a granddaughter. She is small and lovely and fabulous! My heart swells when I see her...i just LOVE her super much!
The day Hillary had her, I was struck with the realization that I'm no longer "the" mom. My days of parenting Hillary are over. She is the mom...her journey is just beginning. As I watch her go through all that post pregnancy stuff (pain, healing from stitches etc), I try to remind her that it's worth it. But some days, it doesn't feel worth it.
Some days, she'll want to cry from lack of sleep. Some days, she'll yell at Jeremy because he left a tiny little speck of something on the table. Some day's she'll sigh in frustration and beg me to "PLEASE take the baby". And some days, she may look back and think about how much easier life was "before"....
BUT...most days, she'll smile and coo, amazed at how pretty her sweet little one is. Most days, she'll sleep when baby sleeps (on advice from mom) and she'll get rest when she can. Most days, she'll love Jeremy. Most days, she'll look forward to the every day growing up her little sweetie pie will do. And she'll wonder what she ever did BEFORE this miracle.
One day, her daughter will call her mommy. She will get taller. She'll go to kindergarten....eventually graduate high school. In the very distant future, she'll meet someone (already bargained that one out), get married and have children of her own. I'm not trying to grow her too fast, I'm just realistic. I've got 6 kiddos under my belt....and I only blinked and they were grown. Those things you think your children will never do...they do them. And you're left to wonder if you did a good enough job. Well, He wouldn't have allowed you (me) to raise them if not. He knew what He was doing and He knew who He was creating. He knew who He was allowing to raise them, too. Amazing, right??!
There is a picture I hope to repeat, over and over. It's a generation picture. My mom, myself, Hillary and sweet girl. Eventually, there will be other daughters with other children. What a picture that will be....generations......
He is great. His creation is amazing. There is no mistake when He creates, no mistake or oops in what He does. And for that, I am blessed.
The best thing about the sweet one....I don't have to take her home. I get to love on her, snuggle her, enjoy her and then send her home with mom and dad....
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Our "Little Women"
We have a Meg. And a Jo. And Amy...even a Beth. (not dead) It's amazing how much I see our girls mirrored in fictional characters. But that particular story resonates strongly with me. All these girls, numerous personalities...sometimes in the SAME girl...what a blessing it's been. As they grow and get older, I am taken aback at how short the time has actually been.
As Hillary prepares to be a mother, and I gear up to be a grandma, I am reminded that time is ever moving. In 10 years, Harley will be 20. My grand baby will be 10 and I could (possibly) have more! And I wonder...did I teach them enough? Did I do it right? Do the decisions they make reflect on us and our parenting? And how do we stop this fast moving train and rewind the movie??
I turned 40 in September. I got a tattoo. It says "Beloved". Those of you that know my story will know that is how I view myself. As His beloved. (bunny trail) Anyways, as I turned 40, I was hit with the realization that my time as a "teaching" parent is almost over. I have to trust that God knew what He was doing when he allowed me to teach and raise 6 of His precious ones. So often, I've felt as though I failed them. But maybe I didn't. Maybe, just maybe, I did right.
As a mom, I have prayed, worried, cried and sorrowed over choices they've made. I've yelled, spanked, swatted and even popped. I've been honest, had some hard conversations and apologized. I've shattered dreams, built confidence and soothed broken hearts. I've become "Marmee".
Our little women have grown. They've developed personalities all their own. And while I see the mirror in fictional characters, I am so grateful and thankful they are individuals. I love the fact that they can laugh at themselves. Love that they are gracious. Love that nothing I say makes them wish I wasn't their mom. It's nice that they love to hang out with me...I guess I don't embarrass them too much! (not that I don't try)
I thank God for them. I thank God that He trusted me....and that even in my mistakes, He allowed me to do it "right".
As Hillary prepares to be a mother, and I gear up to be a grandma, I am reminded that time is ever moving. In 10 years, Harley will be 20. My grand baby will be 10 and I could (possibly) have more! And I wonder...did I teach them enough? Did I do it right? Do the decisions they make reflect on us and our parenting? And how do we stop this fast moving train and rewind the movie??
I turned 40 in September. I got a tattoo. It says "Beloved". Those of you that know my story will know that is how I view myself. As His beloved. (bunny trail) Anyways, as I turned 40, I was hit with the realization that my time as a "teaching" parent is almost over. I have to trust that God knew what He was doing when he allowed me to teach and raise 6 of His precious ones. So often, I've felt as though I failed them. But maybe I didn't. Maybe, just maybe, I did right.
As a mom, I have prayed, worried, cried and sorrowed over choices they've made. I've yelled, spanked, swatted and even popped. I've been honest, had some hard conversations and apologized. I've shattered dreams, built confidence and soothed broken hearts. I've become "Marmee".
Our little women have grown. They've developed personalities all their own. And while I see the mirror in fictional characters, I am so grateful and thankful they are individuals. I love the fact that they can laugh at themselves. Love that they are gracious. Love that nothing I say makes them wish I wasn't their mom. It's nice that they love to hang out with me...I guess I don't embarrass them too much! (not that I don't try)
I thank God for them. I thank God that He trusted me....and that even in my mistakes, He allowed me to do it "right".
Monday, October 8, 2012
Whoooo R Youuuuu??
I am going to a banquet. I'm not crashing it, I'm expected. Anticipated, if you will. At this banquet, no one will look through me. They will look AT me. No one will act like they are listening as they look around to see who else they COULD be talking to.
At this banquet, I won't have to wait to be accepted. I won't have to wonder if I look good. I won't have to worry that I'm not GOOD enough. I won't have to worry at all. I just get to be there. And Someone is excited that I'm going to be there.
I know that my last few blogs have been about acceptance and the way we (I) treat others or feel treated by others....but it's been heavy on my heart. I sometimes feel as though I've walked into a party an hour late and everyone already has a party buddy. And so I sit, alone, pitiful and sad. I sometimes feel like no matter how many times I invite someone over, they will always say no because they just DON'T want to be my friend. Even when they say "Sounds great....let me check my schedule". And maybe, I just need to let that go. Why do I (we) let these things define who we are?! Why do I(we) allow such trivial and minute things to determine how we shape ourselves??
I sometimes feel as though no matter how long I circulate with a group of people, I will always be the odd one out. I know my clothes aren't the same, and my husbands job doesn't bring in 6 figures and our car is super old. I feel like these things matter...perhaps they don't. I am still a person, with feelings and insecurities. You have them too....they just manifest differently.
I don't pretend. I am who I am. I'm honest, loud and sometimes not so tactful. I'm gracious, giving and vindictive. I'm abrasive, compassionate and a born leader. I'm not asking for you to like me, I'm asking you to give me a chance to be your friend. To show you who I am. To accept me for who I am.
Some banquets are hard. Everyone already knows eachother and I'm the odd duck out. That's scary and lonely. Some are easy. They're waiting for me to walk in, waiting to laugh and enjoy time with me. Those are fun and wonderful.
The one I'm invited to....not sure when I'll get to go. But when I do, He will tell me that I was always His "Beloved". He will hug me and tell me that to Him, I was never less than.
So, tell me. Who are You?
I am His.
At this banquet, I won't have to wait to be accepted. I won't have to wonder if I look good. I won't have to worry that I'm not GOOD enough. I won't have to worry at all. I just get to be there. And Someone is excited that I'm going to be there.
I know that my last few blogs have been about acceptance and the way we (I) treat others or feel treated by others....but it's been heavy on my heart. I sometimes feel as though I've walked into a party an hour late and everyone already has a party buddy. And so I sit, alone, pitiful and sad. I sometimes feel like no matter how many times I invite someone over, they will always say no because they just DON'T want to be my friend. Even when they say "Sounds great....let me check my schedule". And maybe, I just need to let that go. Why do I (we) let these things define who we are?! Why do I(we) allow such trivial and minute things to determine how we shape ourselves??
I sometimes feel as though no matter how long I circulate with a group of people, I will always be the odd one out. I know my clothes aren't the same, and my husbands job doesn't bring in 6 figures and our car is super old. I feel like these things matter...perhaps they don't. I am still a person, with feelings and insecurities. You have them too....they just manifest differently.
I don't pretend. I am who I am. I'm honest, loud and sometimes not so tactful. I'm gracious, giving and vindictive. I'm abrasive, compassionate and a born leader. I'm not asking for you to like me, I'm asking you to give me a chance to be your friend. To show you who I am. To accept me for who I am.
Some banquets are hard. Everyone already knows eachother and I'm the odd duck out. That's scary and lonely. Some are easy. They're waiting for me to walk in, waiting to laugh and enjoy time with me. Those are fun and wonderful.
The one I'm invited to....not sure when I'll get to go. But when I do, He will tell me that I was always His "Beloved". He will hug me and tell me that to Him, I was never less than.
So, tell me. Who are You?
I am His.
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